I’m 25 years old, and I’ve been dealing with chronic anxiety since I was 17. I’ve known a girl for the past 6 months, and I’ve developed strong feelings for her even though she’s 28. We share similar challenges with chronic anxiety and low self-confidence, which has created a sense of empathy between us. Recently, I expressed my feelings to her, but her response suggests she’s afraid of committing to a relationship and believes she should be with someone completely different (someone without chronic anxiety) to feel whole.
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She mentioned a preference for one-night stands with strangers because she becomes emotionally dependent on her sexual partners, and she believes this dependency is lessened with strangers. It seems like her chronic anxiety makes it difficult for her to love someone deeply, as love is frightening for her.
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I’m uncertain about how to proceed in this situation and whether this relationship would be beneficial for me. \*\*TL;DR;\*\* : What should I do, and can this relationship be healthy for both of us?
3 comments
You can’t negotiate this kind of core incompatibility. Both of you need therapy, not a relationship.
Reconnect after you’ve been working on your stuff for a while.
You confessed your feelings to her and she told you that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. You should drop the subject entirely.
If you need to take some space from her to process your feelings, do that. Sometimes friendships can survive storms like these, sometimes they can’t. But she said no, so your only ethical way forward is to accept the rejection.
Hard to accept love when you don’t love yourself and don’t think you deserve it.