My (22F) doesn’t want to work. Initially, I was more accepting of that but while I make decent money it’s not really enough to sustain us. I am getting a new job but for the past two months I have been working 88-hour weeks to barely pay the bills. I wouldn’t mind paying for everything once I make a lot more money but now it’s just not practical. I want nicer things. I am getting into the earning bracket that if we worked together we could start saving for a small house and travel more.
She is taking 4 classes now and got mad when I asked her if she could work part-time. Also, she says that she refuses to work when she is in school full-time. She says it’s my “duty” to pay for her because I agreed to pay for everything. However, I didn’t say I would do it now. I said that I would in the future. She even threatened to divorce me over this.
Additionally, I’m planning on going back the school. The only thing stopping me is the fact that I pay for everything. There is no money left over to advance for me. While she never has to work. But when I do go back to school I will be working to pay both of our bills and in college full-time.
When I try to communicate this she seems to get mad at me. Maybe there is a better way of communicating this. Maybe I’m not a good enough man.
Am I not being unfair to her?
Thank you
34 comments
Partnerships are not one-way streets. She thinks divorce is gonna pay for her tuition? Cool, call her bluff.
What job do you work where 88 hour weeks barely pays the bills??
The longer you are married the longer you will have to pay support to your ex wife when you divorce.
Back out of the marriage ASAP. She is an anchor. She is telling you very clearly that she feels zero responsibility or interest in being a partner to you. She only wants to take from you. Every moment that you spend sacrificing for her benefit is a foolish waste that you will never get back.
Now, since you’re not going to actually listen to any of that, let’s start the countdown to her getting pregnant and your life getting even worse and more hopeless.
Get out of there. You’re being financially abused and emotionally manipulated with her threat of divorce.
Cripes. I worked full time while also in college full time. She could at least work PT.
Accept her offer of divorce. You deserve better than someone who puts the burden on you.
Get rid of her, it’s only going to get worse.
Cal her bluff, and show her divorce papers. She’ll change her act real quick when there’s no one paying for her.
Why did you get married so young? That seems like it was a mistake.
I do not understand, Why does she not have to work? Ever?? Why is she in school? Taking for classes with school work should give her plenty of time to work part time, hell I did. This is not sounding like a partnership and has got off to a very rocky start. She threatened to divorce you? WHAT?? Of course you are a good enough man, are you leaving information out because this is all very puzzling to me how spoiled she sounds.
Why do people get married before they finish their education????
“Simple math tells us that we can’t afford to live on my salary alone. We’re barely making ends meet. A part time job is necessary.”
This is what will happen.
-You’re gonna bust your ass for 5 more years until she gets her advanced degree
-She will start to out earn you
-She will start to get annoyed with you because you don’t earn as much as her and are therefore, beneath her
-She’s gonna get porked by her boss
-You’ll end up sad and alone in the gym.
You know what you gotta do bro, I just hope you have the strength to follow through ✊🏽
You can work and go to school, I’ve done it. Your wife has unrealistic expectations and the fact that she has threatened divorce is a red flag. You don’t ever use divorce as a threat, it’s a bullet in an argument and unfair to wave around like an empty promise. My advice is the next time she threatens divorce, then tell her to move out and that you will be looking for a lawyer. That will change her act real quick, the only difference is that you are going to follow through instead of threaten it.
88 hour weeks? id be outta that relationship so quick man
You two are not on the same page and don’t have common understanding of your boundaries and values. For goodness sake don’t get pregnant. That would stick a stake in her working. Counseling is a must. If either don’t go and fully commit pull the plug.
I took 5 classes in college and still worked, so can she
I get the feeling she’s gonna divorce you once she completes her studies. You’re just a means to an end for her.
You are being emotionally manipulated and abused. I know you don’t want to see this or hear it but if she wants to be treated like a child and be taken care of then tell her she needs to go back home to mommy and daddy. She’s taking advantage of you, she’s going to stay in school forever and not worry about you being overwhelmed and overworked as long as she can get her own way. If by some miracle she does get a job then I guarantee you she’ll tell you that is her money, it’s your job to provide for her, not hers to help you achieve your family goals. Get out now while you can still recover from this terrible situation. She’s going to get pregnant and be “unable” to work, clean, cook or do anything constructive.
She wants to threaten divorce but honestly you’re being given a real glimpse into the future if you stay. Do with it what you will but don’t be surprised when you’re working yourself into an early death and you have nothing to show for it.
Doesn’t seem like she brings anything to the table. If you leave the marriage now it might make it possible for you to be able to sustain yourself and go to school.
She will also refuse to work if she has a baby. Is this the life you want with someone who refuses to be a partner?
Seriously, divorce is cheaper than keeping the dead weight.
Oh heck no. I worked through an associates and a bachelors degree, all paying my own bills, and then completed my masters when my kids were 3 and 5. She’s lazy and entitled. Life is too expensive these days to support you both on only 1 income.
Had a buddy do this and she left him about 3 months after getting her degree.
well if she thinks divorce will pay for it let her find out
You are struggling to pay the bills by yourself and you need her to help.
She needs to put her big girl pants on and work during college like most students do. Get a serving job. Work part time, make bank.
She’s threatening to divorce you over this which is so inappropriate. She’s going to be shocked when she still has to get a job after divorce.
4 classes…and you’re working 80+ hours…what an unfair workload.
I was working while taking 4 classes at once. It’s very possible to do without much stress. The only time I was stressed with my workload was when there was a test or finals. But I still effectively worked at my job, studied for the exams, and passed my classes. All while having free time to myself to hang out with friends.
You shouldn’t have to work that much. If she doesn’t change then take up her offer of divorce.
Dude, you can’t pay for everything right now. I have friends that work FULL time and go to school, so it’s not like it’s impossible, she’s being lazy and entitled. It’s great that you’d like to pay for everything, and its aweome that you will when you can, but if can’t right now than you can’t. You guys are so young, it would be impossible for nearly ANYONE at your age to pull that off. This is supposed to be a partnership. I would try one last time to get through to her with the discussion of “It’s just not possible right now. The goal is to be able to do that, but right now we need to be a team in order to get to that point. You need to work at least part time during classes or we cannot afford to pay our bills.” If she says she’ll divorce you over this, then respond “Well, I guess that might be the only solution then…” and walk away. Call her bluff, because if you divorce, she’ll DEFINITELY have to work, and likely full time. She’s trying to manipulate you or she’s incredibly naive, but she needs to contribute to the household at this point or she is just dead weight dragging you down. A real partner would be happy to chip in when it is necessary. Not just say “figure it out” to the other party. The situation is what it is right now. She either works during this time when you need it, or you divorce her for being a shitty unsupportive partner, and focus on building a life for yourself. Also, if you keep supporting her 100% financially and she ever divorces YOU, you’re likely going to have to pay her support to live, so that’s just another reason not to continuing to pay for everything.
As long as you don’t respect yourself, your partner won’t respect you either. I’ve also struggled with this myself. I’m sorry.
y’all got married way too young and the cracks are starting to show already
Before my partner and I got together he had a GF who acted like this. She thought because he had his own company she could go to school and do absolutely nothing else. He ended up breaking things off and guess what….she got a job. She was able to work and go to school…..AFTER he dumped her. She was clearly taking advantage. No one deserves this. You are not her parent. You are her spouse! If she is able to work and contribute, she should. My partner and I are very happy due to us working TOGETHER!!!
She is using you. Once she’s done with school you paid for, she will start cheating on you because she already made clear that she doesn’t see you worthy of respect or basic participation in your relationship.
Anyone who uses the threat of divorce/breakup as a way to get the upper hand deserves to have their bluff called. You don’t owe her full financial support. If she’s is law school and isn’t supposed to work – it better be a top law school and she should be on a scholarship. Otherwise, college students should work part time or even full time if they don’t have scholarships to cover tuition and other expenses.
This is why kids shouldn’t be getting married.
I’m amazed at all the young marriages on Reddit where the woman is 18-24 and is basically expecting a free ride because she’s married.
Women, you’re adults, so adult ffs. Life costs money. Y’all can’t sit on your ass making TikToks all day long while your man works 88 hours per week. Or 4 courses in school. There’s time there for you to get a job and contribute to your partnership. If y’all want a partnership … if you wanted a sugar daddy, then find a sugar daddy. But that’s not a partnership …
Prepared for the downvotes.
That’s why you don’t get married as a child