Background; we’ve had a dead bedroom for about three years, and we’re finally getting back into it, with a vengeance! We’ve always been very romantic and in love but just sans the sex.
The day before yesterday, my wife and I were fooling around. I had had a lot to drink so I didn’t want to try and get ‘him’ up and risk failing to complete, but I took care of her by hand…five times. I enjoyed it a lot, and obv so did she.
Yesterday she said during the day that she needed a break but that she was happy to take care of me if I wanted, with a BJ. I was excited, and sober. An hour before bed, I popped a blue pill. Right before bed I showered. When I came out I was rock hard.
She went to the bathroom right before getting started. She stayed in there for five minutes. When she came back out, she admitted she had tried to psyche herself into it but was freaking out a bit… She admitted she hates BJs and find them degrading, and how she was sorry. She was shaking and on the verge of crying.
I of course told her to stop talking, and explained in no uncertain terms that if she has to ‘psyche herself into it’, or if she just thinks she ‘can do it’ even though she doesn’t like it, then it’s obviously off the table, period. I hugged her and we spooned until she was feeling better. She apologized again. I tried to lighten the mood. I spanked her and said, “No, I told you to stop apologizing. Bad girl!”, which worked.
I’ve never run into something like this before and I felt so bad for her. I’m inclined to never again ask for a BJ. But I also feel like it’s a perception thing – that it’s degrading. Does a lot of women feel that way? I had no idea she did (and ahain, no sex for years so that doesn’t help either).
Should I try to get her to be more comfortable with it by helping her understand why she feels that way and/or try to change her perspective of it as degrading? Or should I let this one go? I want to do what’s best for her too. Her reaction almost felt like it was some kind of trauma, to me but we’ve been married for 12ish years and she’s (before the dead period) given BJs before that, so… I don’t know. The whole thing confused me alot so I guess I’m just hoping for insight.
I really don’t want to be a POS and make her do things she doesn’t like. I also don’t like that she feels like she has to do said things for me when they bother her. Like she feels she can’t tell me no. That I think bothers me the most. 😮💨
4 comments
Some woman find it degrading and others find it empowering. The former are ones I don’t call back
I think you handled this perfectly by being supportive of her and respecting her boundaries. That’s so important! I personally love give BJs. The only time I’ve ever found them degrading is when I was in a previous abusive situation where I was basically forced to perform. (Whole other story).
I really love my boyfriend and I love his cock so naturally I want to give him pleasure and show him how much I love him and that involves a BJ. Also it greatly excites me to see him pleased and I want him to feel how good my mouth is. That’s really great that you are slowly breaking out of the dead bedroom and are able to fool around and reconnect! I’m really happy for you. Sex and intimacy are important! I would suggest you go at her pace and perhaps you will be able to reach the point of receiving a BJ again soon. Maybe she was feeling off in the moment, or all of the orgasms really took her by surprise. Whatever is going on in her head and in her heart that’s something she needs to work through within herself first and obviously you are her number one support system and that is amazing she has you. I would try not to overanalyze things and enjoy where your are at and what positive steps you guys have made on this. I don’t have a penis but I can imagine how you were so ready for one and part of you was kind of bummed out. But all in all I believe you did the right thing.
I never heard that giving head as degrading. It gives pleasure and it shows that a woman wants to please her man and most women I’ve been with love doing it. If you can live without it good for you.
Sometimes I really like giving them and sometimes I don’t. I’ve noticed a lot of it has a lot to do with my hormone cycle. Like a lot around ovulation, medium most of the time, and feel gross about it right after ovulation and pms time. It could also have felt kind of transactional tit for tat which I could expect to feel gross or degrading based on the rest of the context you gave. But I know that I also definitely have trauma around sex.