So my wife is going to a hen do this weekend and one of her friends has brought a game which features truth/dare style questions (not too wild just like “kiss the person to your left etc”.
She asked me what my boundaries were too which I replied that I wouldn’t want her to do anything with other girls that she wouldn’t feel comfortable with me doing with other girls (for the record she is bisexual so has dated women in the past also).
Tbh, she’s been great about it and has absolutely respected my boundaries. But the more I think about it the more I’m worrying I’m maybe being a bit sensitive about it all, I know girls kiss each other especially when drinks are flowing and my mates have called me a wuss and that I should be “stoked” that she’d kiss another girl, but IDK I just feel like she should treat it like I would and not get physically intimate with another person, even if it was just a snog.
So, am I being weird or is it just healthy boundaries?
35 comments
Your boundaries are healthy. So was her response—acknowledging and respecting your boundaries in turn. You’re in a good place, try to talk yourself down from stressing. Drinks or not, she’s going to respect your marriage.
Welp I’m sure you had a good run together
A lot of cheating goes in at bachelorette and bachelor parties.
Look at posts from male strippers to tell you how women act.
No weird at all, to me. Your friends are, to me….
WHat do you mean with “girls kiss each other”? Bi girls or lesbian maybe, otherwise I don’t think it is so common (unless you mean a kiss in the cheek for greeting or something similar).
Her response is very telling. She clearly respects you and your relationship. Just the fact that she asked you what your boundaries were at all before going to the party is more than most people get. Don’t listen to your friends, everyone has a different relationship style, love language and set of needs. You’re obviously bothered by the thought of her kissing someone else, you did the right thing and communicated this boundary, now let it lie and don’t make an issue out of nothing by going back on that and setting yourself up to feel uncomfortable.
Your boundaries are fine and you both communicate so well. Ignore the friends
If my SO kisses someone that isn’t me and it isn’t in a theater production that’s it for me.
I think you’re good. I would add not to answer questions of the sort she wouldn’t be comfortable you discussing with your mates…. say dick size discussions vs vagina tightness discussions.
English is not my language!
Don’t worry, this is a good reason to know if she respects your limits and your relationship. Be careful with these “friends”, I think it’s better not to have a deep friendship with them.
Your boundary is extremely reasonable. She respects it.
Don’t let the interference of others ruin a good thing.
You and your wife agree, so there’s no issue. But there’s no objectively right way to handle this. It’s pretty common for people in monogamous relationships to not kiss other people. But some folks are more monogam-ish and would be ok with it in a context like this. Whatever works for both of you.
Your friends sound like immature assholes do not listen to them. You and your wife sound like you express healthy communication and boundaries and I really applaud you both for that because it seems to be rare with both partners on the same page, and don’t let your friends or anyone else try to sway how you feel. You’re not being controlling but expressing a boundary and you are also not being a “wuss”
I think she asked you specifically which means your needs are more important to her. I think you are lucky to have someone who cares about you! She respects your boundaries and instigated the conversation about it so IDT you need to worry about what your buddies are saying. She loves you and wants you to feel secure!! 🥰🥰
The boundary you set – don’t do anything that you wouldn’t be comfortable with me doing – seems perfectly healthy. My wife is also bi…I would suggest a very similar boundary. If you’re monogamous, then the idea of your wife with *anyone* else is going to feel wrong. Despite what your mates say, it’s okay to not be stoked on the idea of your wife making out with another woman.
Healthy boundaries. And she seems fine with your boundaries so tell your mates to mind their own relationships. If she wasn’t sexually into other women it’s maybe a bit silly but she is so like—no temptation to do wrong and cheat ya know
You’re not being insecure, you guys have a really great and healthy communication style!
I will say though….I’m a woman and I’ve never kissed another woman or wanted to (no issue with other girls kissing or wanting to kiss either FWIW). I don’t know where you’re getting the idea that “girls kiss each other all the time”. Too much Katy Perry?
The difference is the attraction part right. She is attracted to women. So it would be inappropriate for her to kiss another woman.
My wife once saw and felt a friends new fake boobs but that was scientifical so i didnt care. If my wife was attracted to woman was fondling her friends breast out of enjoyment it would be cheating. I think attraction is the underlying key here.
I do find it odd she had to ask what your boundaries on her playing this game is. Have you not had a boundary discussion before this? Does she think because its a game your boundaries would change?
Feels like a slippery slope because again it comes down to attraction so her going to a hen do and playing games that have sexual acts in them seems like a weird scenario. Would she be ok with you going to a party with women and playing said game?
I think you need stronger boundaries because if she is going and had to ask there is a major grey area in your relationship where opps i didnt mean too post are in your future.
Women do not just randomly kiss women because they’re drinking. That’s a movie thing. Your wife found out there were kissing questions in the game, so she asked what you wanted the boundaries to be. Green flag.
“hen do”
noun
INFORMAL•BRITISH
a celebration held for a woman who is about to get married, attended only by women.
Not cheating on you is a reasonable boundary. If she can’t control herself while drunk, then she shouldn’t be drinking.
Girls kiss each other? If depends on the friend group, I guess. This is not a thing many girls do. I have never attempted that with my girlfriends and I am in my mid thirties.
It is so from couple to couple.
My husband and I have the rule that he can kiss friends who are male and I can kiss friends who are female. He obviously never kissed one of his friends, but finds us, girls, kissing really hot. Since all of my friends have similar agreements with their SOs it was never a problem.
Your mates can take a hike. You’re not overly sensitive, and being sensitive is a strength, not a weakness.
no one is in the wrong here. it’s normal to not want your wife to cheat. she clarified your boundaries, and established them.
there’s nothing you can do to prevent her from cheating if she does decide to do so. you wouldn’t want to be with someone if you had to stop them from cheating anyways
I think it’s a good rule of thumb not to do what you wouldn’t want your partner doing. You’re not overreacting.
No, *girls* don’t “kiss each other when the drinks are flowing”. Some *women* do, but that isn’t like a rule of being a woman. You know who *do* kiss each other? Bisexual women who are attracted to one another.
Your mates are living in a porn fantasy land. Your boundaries are Your boundaries. End of story. There is no “wuss” about it. Your wife respects you enough to ask you. Whether she sticks to the boundaries once the booze is flowing is another story. But you have stated your boundaries. Whatever she does is on her.
Good luck
Your boundaries are completely reasonable, especially since they are the same she holds for you. I’m not sure what the problem is.
Like everybody said, the greenest flag is that she asked what your boundaries are. Communication wise, perfection!
Your mates are wrong. It doesn’t matter if it’s two women kissing, if one of those women is your wife and you feel uncomfortable with her kissing another woman then your right it should be a boundary.
> I know girls kiss each other especially when drinks are flowing
You mean in the context of your wife and her friends? Because that’s not a common thing with straight women, lol… not sure where you got that idea. That’s like teenage boy brain, thinking.
Your boundaries are your boundaries. There’s nothing wrong or abnormal with not enjoying the idea of your wife kissing other people.
These are healthy boundaries, your friends watch way too much porn.
You are good. Your boundaries are not anything to worry about.
That’s a game for single people to play. You have perfectly healthy boundaries. You should also praise your wife for asking what you would be comfortable with.
Were you present in the home while this went on or did you leave the house? Because, even after asking, did they still play the game and just gossip or did they play the game and end up doing dares?
Since she brought it up prior, I’d give her the benefit of the doubt. She respected you by asking and took your input on the matter. Speak to her about it and how you feel.
Thanks all – youve really helped me get a clearer picture. I just didn’t want to be “that guy” who seemed controlling but I was sure I was right.
I’m sure she will respect my boundaries.