Is it off putting / red flag for you if the person is too busy all the time?

34 comments

1. It can be but It depends. Was he like that when you met him? Personally if I like someone I’m making time or bringing them along

2. It depends on the person

   Some may find it off-putting because they might feel like they have to compete for their time, while others may find it attractive because they value someone who leads a busy and active life

   Personally, I don’t mind as long as they make time for me too.

3. For me it entirely depends on how often they’re busy.

   In the early stages, I’d expect to be able to meet up at least once every 2 weeks. Ideally weekly, but shit happens.

   But after the exclusive conversation, I’d find it off-putting if we couldn’t see each other at least 2-3 full days a week with the rare interruption. At that point I feel like you’re either in or you’re out- they’re not really a partner if you exclude them from all of your activities.

   **Edit**:
   > 6 days of the week

   If they’re totally unavailable 6/7 days of the week? Yeah I’d find that off-putting tbh. To me that says they don’t really have the time for a serious relationship. Or they’re just bad at time-management.

   My take is that driven/motivated people will always find the time if they care to. Your 2 types of busy people are like:

   1. “Oh I’m playing soccer that day, I’ll be tired, sorry, can’t meet”

   2. “Im playing soccer that day, meet me afterward, we’ll get some fuckin Waffle House and hang out”

   Person 1 is busy, but not driven in the relationship; Person 2 is both busy and driven in the relationship. I went for the 2s.

4. I value people who have a life, so it’s not off putting at all for me. I like women who have a life. I’m also busy too. I think the bigger thing is being so busy it’s hard to make time enough for the other person. And obviously, when I get more serious, I start making more time for the other person.

5. Never really a problem if people are busy, life gets busy sometimes. Wouldn’t be put off, unless I feel that I’m being blown off constantly, that becomes an issue.

6. Hope not or I’m screwed

7. If we hang out once per week, I don’t need anything else in any capacity.

   My needs are ridiculously low…basically just metrics so I dont waste time with doubts. If someone cant clear out one day in a week, (barring obvious circumstances) it’s pretty clear that there’s no mutual steam or effort. No worries a second before or after.

8. I dated someone like this. I felt like reaching the president of the united states would be easier than getting 5 minutes on the phone with her. The way things were I’d see her maybe 2-3 times a month and speak on the phone 4-5 times a month. Im not even exaggerating numbers. I ended things and for the life of me can’t figure out why I didn’t end things sooner. People make time for whats important to them. The lack of actions are actions themselves. Also people either want what you want or they don’t. Im busy too but I want someone I feel like I can talk to without feeling like Im a burden or taking up their time for other things.

9. There’s a ton of individual variability with this one. Different people have different time requirements with their significant other. For me personally, that would be too busy. But for others, being available once a week would be perfectly fine.

10. Basically, each person requires a specific amount of personal attention to satisfy their individual need. If someone you’re interested in being serious with doesn’t have the requisite amount of time to offer, it’s not going to work, but this is entirely relative to the individual.

    Conversely, if someone requires all the time, it is a bad idea to move forward since this is how many people end up codependent. You both need your own friends, activities and space.

    Seeing someone once a week is completely reasonable for the first six months at least in my opinion

11. I’d get bored and move onto someone who’s more available. If I’m dating then I’m dating, if I want to see how busy you are all the time I can scroll through you’re IG, lol.

12. I was talking to someone for more than a month and we only met twice. It’s super aggravating because I think you make time for what you want. Plus it’s not really possible for me to start to get to know someone when I hardly see them

13. If I am in a serious relationship and I only see you once every week or two that would be too busy for me personally. Once a week could be manageable depending on circumstances and how long it will last but once every two weeks would be crazy. Would feel like I am dating you casually at that point.

14. Depends.

    If you two just met up then no, after all at this point you’re just getting to know each other. I do expect the other person to make time to meet me but I’m not gonna demand them to make radical changes to their schedule for a guy that despite mutual interest is basically a stranger. At this point I’ll say that dinner on Friday (or any other day of the week) is a decent time rate.

    But if after multiple dates (I’d eyeblled it to a month/month and a half) there’s an actual interest to purse the dating further and they are unavailable most of the time I’ll talk to them to see what the deal is and lay out what’s your expected “rate” personally I’ll ask for a fixed spot on either Saturday or Sunday and by fixed I expect the majority of the day to be dedicated to just hang out and bond to see if then it’s worth to purse a formal relationship. If they aren’t willing I’ll just call it quits. What’s the point of dating if you’re not gonna bother to spend time with the other person.

15. It genuinely depends on how much I’ve personally invested in the person

16. Depends on where we’re at in the dating stage, first few dates I have no opinion of it I’m not a part of their life or have any claim on their time. If they show a pattern of being too busy to date/make time or grow a connection, I don’t care what their excuse is they’re not compatible with me. Takes time to have quality time, and for me to sew the seeds of a relationship. If you’re prioritizing everything BUT that, then you’re not serious about it and that’s ok…but not where I’m at. So, bye.

17. depends entirely on how much of an effort they make to make time for their relationship imo. i dont like feeling like i have to do all the work

18. Yes. It just shows that you’re not a high enough priority for that person if they are making excuses for how busy they are. People make time for the things (or people) that are important to them, even if it’s just a little bit of time here and there because they are truly that busy.

19. I go about this two ways. Either I make a compromise. I mean, I’m busy too but I am trying to date. Meaning I will make time to meet someone new or continue to see someone. Relationships take time. If the girl I’m talking to is busy yet is willing to match my willingness then there’s no problem. Even if its a week or in some cases two weeks to nail down a date with them.

    The other is there really isn’t any effort or willingness. No compromise to be made on their end. In that case just gotta keep it moving. There are a bunch of people on dating apps that do not need to be there. Like they will put zero effort into actually trying to date.

20. Personally I find it off putting. I dated a woman like that last year and even though she was the one who pursued and kept harping on wanting a relationship, it was always difficult to schedule something with her. She always had plans with friends every weekend apparently.

    Eventually I just said F it and stopped talking to her. I’m not just some accessory only for when you are bored and horny.✌️

21. I will be insulted if all I get is leftover time. And always last minute. Definitely sends the signal that I’m not important enough to plan time for.

22. My rule of thumb is 1-2 times a week. If someone is busy but can make time for you in any way possible that’s a huge green flag. If they can’t put the effort in and are simply too busy then that tells you you are hardly seeing them if you never see them lol

23. Yes. Like if I want to take someone for a serious relationship I’d want to make sure they even had time for a relationship.

    6 days a week ur busy??? Nah fam.
    Unless ur like a bootycall then I wouldn’t care. But an actual serious relationship? Nah

24. Nahh. If they’re busy, they’re busy. Just like I am. When I got the time to reach out or make plans, then I do it. Even if they still say they’re busy, no worries. Find somebody else to hangout with or do something else on your free time. Wait for them to reach out and let them know what’s up.

25. Personally, I’d want more time with them than that, especially as things got serious. I don’t need to be the only thing that takes up time in their life, but I certainly want to be at the top of the list. With all the things you mentioned here, I’m not even sure a relationship is on the list at all.

26. Why would you want to start a relationship with someone that doesn’t have time for you and makes everything else in their life a higher priority ?

27. No, not a red flag.

    But I would question their ambitions and priorities.

    In particularly whether they really wanted a partner for anything other than regular access to convenient intimate sexual activity. Consider if they were genuinely prepared to invest some of their time & emotion in building and maintaining a healthy happy relationship with some medium to long term potential.

    I’ve dated a lot of workaholic guys with very stressful jobs that went way beyond their contracted 8-8 or running their own businesses serving the needs of a very demanding and wealthy clientele.

    I’m working multiple jobs including at weekends. Studying, volunteering, writing, cooking for friend’s families. I don’t have any time for dating or to invest in a relationship.

28. Depends.

    Early stages? Very off-putting because I’m trying to get to know you. Trying to figure out if we are a good match or not. Literally trying to get to know you in every way. If you are always too busy for a date, a text, a call, then I start losing interest because just like you are busy, I too am busy and not available every waking hour of every waking day. If I’m not going on at *least* one date/week (very preferably two) then I kind of assume I’m not someone she is interested enough in to make time for.

    If I am really interested in a woman but I also have a shit ton of scheduled plans, I’ll cancel one of them so I can hang out with her.

    If this is late stage dating – as in, you’ve both figured out you like each other enough to move towards a relationship, or are moving in that direction – then it’s a little different.

29. I get bored and move on to a woman who has time. Nothing wrong with having a busy life, very social, and things like that but I mean… I’m also looking for a relationship and if she is only available on *her* time then, no thank you. I have shit going on too and if our schedules never, or very rarely line up then it just isnt’ going to work out.

30. Sometimes people are just busy. I’m busy and if a girl I’m dating ever kicks off about it, then she can find someone else to take her to Paris or fly business class to Cyprus. Plenty of other people are willing to audition for that role.

31. My experience is, that if they’re too busy, it goes nowhere. Or I have had several experiences where they’re “busy with work/school” but its a cover for them seeing other people at the same time as me. So I usually think this is a cover for option juggling/cheating.

    I am not opposed to dating single mothers in theory, but have found in practice they work alot and need to watch their kid most of the time, so actually finding a time they can date is almost impossible.

    So yeah, dating the very busy makes your relationship with them not busy enough.

32. You can answer this question by simply looking at the posts in this section for advice for a few days.

    The problem is that the genders want different things, but it’s human nature to think that people think like we do and if they don’t they are wrong or weird.

    Women in this very section frequently complain about lazy men. They want to think they are with someone who has things going on. They frequently compete for men by taking about how busy they are thinking men would want the same thing.

    Men tend to want a woman to be available for them. For comfort after a hard days work to help them to relax, or to jet off to do something if they have the resources. So being busy means they go find someone else if they can, or they get used to being alone. And often think to show love they need to make themselves more ‘available’ to their partner… which can lead to them being called lazy.

33. In my experience if she is into you she will make time. I’ve always experienced women making time to come over after work like every day even if it’s just to sleep. I’ve had women drive for up to an hour every day just to be here until they left for work. Meanwhile chicks who live in my town who aren’t interested will always be busy.

    If they don’t make time for you don’t make time for them. That includes even thinking about them.

34. If someone is interested in you they will make the time but it all depends on how much time each side requires