it feels like every conversation i have goes like this: me asking the other person questions about themselves, listening to their answers, oohing and ahhing, repeat. i talk less than 20% of the time. i don’t hate it – i like learning about other people – but it can get tiring and honestly it kind of hurts. why don’t they ask ME questions? are people just not interested in what i have to say? am i supposed to volunteer information about myself without being asked (which feels rude)?
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I love asking questions! I’d love to vibe!! Shoot me a message and we can converse about anything!
Snap. This is 100% me, too. People often tell me I’m a “great listener”
I try to take that as a compliment, but it does sometimes hurt a bit that they never seem to want to listen to me the same way.
Lately I’ve been wondering though if the problem is actually ME. I’ve noticed that I automatically bring the conversation back to the other person very quickly. When I’m asked a question, or I’m telling something about myself, I’ve become aware that I actually just get out what I want to say quickly, and give the short version of whatever it is. Subconsciously, I feel like what I have to say is worth less than the persons I’m speaking to.
Maybe you’re doing the same? I’m trying to change this by telling myself I deserve to take up space and share my thoughts and stories the same as everyone else.
I’m also feeling this way, whenever I try to ask a question to a group of people, they either talk over me, interrupt me, or ignore. Maybe we probably need to hang out or ask questions with the right people.
Yeah I think you’re supposed to volunteer information yourself. Like for example you can ask them what they have watched, maybe a followup question to that. Then say something like “oh that’s cool. I’ve actually recentely gotten into ‘insert tv show'” or something like that. This can even be related to their answer somehow – maybe same genre, platform, evokes similar emotions. Good luck.
Have you tried dropping little hints or ‘conversation hooks’ to encourage people to ask about you?
I believe people, post-covid, are starved for opportunities to talk. Working from home and isolations have built up a need to talk. I am sure others here will give some good advice. Two things I will suggest. One, being faster to respond to something someone says. If they say something about work, be quick to talk about your work whenever they are done. Second, try going from 20/80 to 0/100. Make it so obvious that a person is almost exhausted from talking. Hopefully, they will reflect on the convo and realize they didn’t let say anything and hopefully they will do better next time.
I have this same problem. I decided to start being more aware of when others treat me like this and acting accordingly. I put so much effort into listening to others and making sure they feel heard, so I’m not going to accept someone who doesn’t have the decency to at least fake care for 2 seconds of their life.
It’s could be because you’re actually a good active listener/conversationalist. Buuut it could also be because you avoid being vulnerable with other people and prefer others taking “steering wheel” with conversation. I guess it takes a bit of self reflection for yourself to really know.
Become a story teller.
My husband tells stories of what he has done and seen. He tells it with the same intensity or more each time. I duck out because I may have heard the story 2 times already…today.
But….he gets people coming to him for his stories, he’ll talk to 30 or more people tonite.
Examples: he talks about fishing, pool, traffic, or people who did something weird.
People generally aren’t curious about others or aren’t required to detail you, our social skills have fallen immensely due to technology when we’re speaking to strangers who still have a young mind.