Suspicions of cheating
So, me (39M) and my GF (39F) have been together for over 12 years now, she has 2 kids from a previous relationship and we have 2 together also. After my second one was born I had a vesectomy to prevent any further pregnancies. Over the last few years our sex live has practically disappeared.
Recently, some bother with the oldest child has forced my GF to speak to her ex, his father (this was in Jan), and I have also recently noticed some things (food items) start to appear in our house from the place where her ex works (not too much in this as these things could be bought from other shops also).
The thing that has me worried though is I just found out that she has been on the pill for the last 2 months and has never mentioned this to me, I found them while looking for something else.
Why would she be taking the pill as we never really sleep together any more and I’ve had a vesectomy?
I don’t know what she does every day as I’m always at work but she regularly “meets friends for lunch”
Am I being paranoid or do I have grounds to start asking some questions? I don’t want to come across weird and start an argument for no reason.
36 comments
Birth control pills are used for far more than pregnancy. Have you asked her about it? Sounds like the two of you have trouble with communication.
Many women get all weird if they see men taking Viagra. “Oh he must be fucking someone else.” when the reality is I need assistance with blood flow and heart health.
Men and women alike run to the internet to speak about trouble in their relationships because they are too dumb to talk to one another. So do yourself a favor and go speak to your wife and decide if you want to stat married or get a divorce over something you have not even questioned her about.
So where did you find the pills, in the medicine cabinet?
Suspicious af. Id just leave and let her know why. It might hurt for a while , time heals all wounds
It does seem odd, I would definitely speak to her about what you found. I got on birth control because I was bleeding two weeks out of the month – not for contraceptive purposes. There are definitely MANY reasons she could be on it, but the only one who would know is her. I hope everything works out for you OP ❤️
So many reasons for birth control pills. Heavy periods, irregular periods, not wanting to have periods, hormonal issues. I can literally go on. Please ask her that you were surprised to see the birth control pills, why is she taking them? Go from there. If there is more reason to worry, then for sure think about cheating but I don’t see birth control pills alone as a red flag.
how about you take a holiday and follow her as she goes to the dinner with her friends, if something is wrong you’ll know and take action if not you go on with your life and your relationship will be just fine
you said medicines weren’t in medicine tray explains it all, if she was taking them for any other reason there was no point in hiding them, the fact that she’s pregnant and doesn’t want you to know
the food situation, well that’s another hint, the food didn’t appear like that before but now it does.
It’s very suspicious.
Well a PI is a great investment right now and yes it is suspicious
If she was hiding the pills, like keeping them in an unusual place, then I would be more concerned.
You should definitely confront her to see how she reacts. It’s a bit extreme, but you could always look through her phone. Keep in mind that once you do talk to her about it, she’ll likely delete any evidence on her phone that might exist so if you do plan on doing that then you’ll need to before speaking to her.
Definitely don’t consider replacing them with sugar pills, even though you would definitely get to the bottom of it.
Tell her you want to have your vasectomy reversed. Her answer will tell you everything. If she doesn’t immediately say, no problem I’m already on the pill because of xyz legitimate reason or then you know.
Bruh if your gut tells you something isn’t right.. SOMETHING ISNT RIGHT! Trust me. I go with my gut every single time and it’s never failed me yet
Sounds sketch. But idk.
Updateme
How long ago was the vasectomy? Did you go for your follow-up appointment to make sure it worked? That’s one reason to be taking birth control.
I recommend all these folks making recommendations about cheating, go read the OP’s previous posts over the last few years. A scan will do.
I generally recommend direct communication about issues in relationship, but this is challenging, because it’s mostly just your intuition about a bunch of little things that add up to something potentially larger, and there is not one big clear thing to address in terms of her behavior.
I think the elephant in the room is your lack of a sex life. If you want to have a real conversation with her, why not start there?
The birth control is next next big item and the one that would give me pause. She is hiding something, there are already grounds for distrust.
If you approach these in a neutral tone out of curiosity it should not start an argument. If it does that’s it’s own problem. If you simply do not trust her, that’s also a big issue. If you really want to know whether something is going on you can do all the snooping you want…but if you do not find anything, where does that leave you? I would focus on resolving this to your satisfaction through the relationship not by going around it, if you want to keep the relationship. If it cannot be resolved to your satisfaction, go wild digging into her private life if you want, but I would just consider that grounds for moving on personally.
DNA test now
Some women get put on the pill by their OBGYN to regulate hormones and bleeding fwiw.
Did you ask her?
Yes she is cheating on you.
So find a lawyer, find out what to expect for custody/child support then kick her to the curb.
Yes you should ask and/or do some detective work first. Depending on whether she has given you permission to check her phone, that’s always a good way to find stuff out. If not, first, I would ask some more questions about lunch with friends…say cool, which friends. What are y’all eating. All basic friendly questions. Then look at her phone location during lunch and see if she is in fact there. If your friends with the people she is eating with make a comment to them about lunch. And how you wished you would have had time on Tuesday to join them. See how they react. Beyond that, you would have to just ask her straight. Why are you on the pill when we barely have sex and I have had a vasectomy. If she has a history of ovarian cysts it could be for that but she should have mentioned that. I would also straight up ask her if there is something you need to know. I’m also a fan of adding something to that when you ask like…I’ve been doing some checking on a couple things before asking just so you know. Give us an update when you can.
Women take BCP for reasons other than pregnancy prevention (hormones, painful periods, cysts etc). That being said, I think it’s suspicious she hadn’t mentioned this to you especially if it was related to her health and not pregnancy. I would def being this up and ask her what’s going on.
Look your feelings are valid, you have every right in the world to ask questions and be 1oo percent comfortable with the answers. I hope she has some darn good truthful explanations.
You sound like the typical nice guy. Your wife is sleeping with her ex. Time to stop the nice guy act and get evidence. Your marriage is coming to an end. Stop being so passive.
You’re asking… but you already know the answer.
“If it looks like duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck…. It’s probably a duck” 🤷♂️
Come on, you already know! You just don’t want it to end. The only problem preventing you from being too ignorant is that fucking pain in your stomach and your poor sleep. My advice, don’t confront her, she just gonna lie to you and deflect, you will feel even worse and more frustrated.
You are not being paranoid OP. ALL of the signs are there. For whatever reason she appears to have a low opinion of you and thinks that she can get away with this. Golden rule: Never confront unless you have rock solid proof. Never ! They will simply go underground and you won’t be able to get information easily.
Go full Sherlock on her. Phone records. Utilise technology to find out what she’s up to when you are not there. Start the 180/Grey Rock to try to get her out of the affair fog. Make her face the full consequences of her actions. Is her ex married or has an SO ? Start checking that out. It’s going to be a long and rocky road OP. Good luck.
I do not think you are being paranoid I think you should trust your instinct. You want to believe you are being paranoid because the facts make your heart race scared of the emotional pain we feel when we are betrayed like that. I am so sorry for what you are going through. You will get through this and I would ask her outright. Sit down and be direct.
Hiding birth control, ex is around more, your working well shes going for lunch, food from exs place of work, dude all signs point to her cheating on you. If it quacks like a duck, walks like a duck, then its a fucking duck and your duck is fucking her ex well you work.
If you don’t sleep with your partner, how is it even cheating. People have needs.
UpdateMe!
Ask her straight up, why you on the pill?
No point waiting for the inevitable, ain’t no woman jumping on it to regulate hormones unless a doc has said so, which she ain’t told you.
She’s getting fkd
This can’t be real. She stopped having sex with you and went on the pill? Obviously, she’s getting sex from someone else. Listen to your gut, man.
She’s a cheat 100% trust your gut my guy
Dude she’s sleeping with him!
Don’t waste any more of your time, once trust is broken the relationship is pretty much over. If you are asking the Internet if she is cheating the trust is over and done.
Amazon is amazing,you can get a voice activated recook put in the car and in her purse. Looks like a pen. also Get a gps with go fencing (that it will tell you if she is at a location and for how long)I have it on my company trucks.then wait. When you see a pattern.show up with camera.