i (19F) just started my sophomore year of college after dating my boyfriend (19M) now ex for almost 6.5 months, 3 of them being long distance over the summer. we were in a situationship for 6ish months and he had said we had basically been dating for a year. we met through a friend group which i met and was friends with before we met him. the weekend we got back to school i was in a bad place mentally b/c of pmsing, the anniversary of my grandmothers death, and not having anyone to hang out with b/c most ppl were doing sorority rush. i was texting with him saying i was worried he would get sick of me complaining about how i had no friends and eventually stop liking me. he then essentially broke up with me over text. that was emotional but what he told me was he needed to work on himself and it wasn’t healthy for him because since he cared for me, my complaints stressed him out and made his anxiety worse.
background on our relationship, i was his first real girlfriend and we both suffer from anxiety. he was scared to ask me out initally because he really liked me and was so scared to loose me as a friend if it went wrong. id say we had a healthy relationship but he didn’t realize that in a relationship you work to improve together, he kept his issues to himself and i didn’t know till it was too late. when breaking up with me he said he wished i wasn’t his first girlfriend and he truely thinks we might have hope of dating again in a year or two if we find each other again like that.
i struggle with friends and the friend group my ex and i were both in was the group of ppl i would go out to bars with most of the time. he has said he still wants to be friends but needs more time (it whas been a month). on multiple occasions i have asked my girlfriends in this friend group to hang out and they have said they’re doing things with the boys (my ex and his roommates) and that if i come they boys probably won’t. i am still friendly w his roommates and we snap and once have even gone out with his roommates but as long as my ex is coming with it seems as if i am not invited.
this has become an issue as multiple nights i have asked to go out with my girlfriends but instead am stuck inside in my apartment by myself since on my roommate has a 3 yr bf and i feel bad 3rd wheeling. feels like he ruined my life b/c i lost the person who meant the world to me and all my friends.
should i wait until he decides he can be friends with me again or call out the friend group for picking him? i have tried to be respectful towards his issues but should i tell him this isn’t fair to me and tell him to suck it up when we hang out at a group event like a party?
any advice is welcome. even with how i should deal w the breakup as it was a shock and i still love him and honestly hope we will find each other again in the future
TL;DR – my boyfriend dumped me because he said he needs to work on himself but now our friend group is picking him over me.
5 comments
Okay, if people are that polarized, do you know if things were said about you that weren’t flattering? If you call them out and they all blatantly choose him, how will that make you feel better? It will just inflame the situation.
That’s the ole. It’s not you, it’s me line told by millions who end relationships,
And in relationships you in evidently become a team. You can’t fix anybody. You don’t let anyone pull you down. His issues aren’t your issues. If you want to go out go. Don’t let him stop you from enjoying life. Don’t call out the friend group. What would that accomplish? You are at the beginning of your journey in life. It’s time to spread your wings. (that sounds so stupid).
No, don’t wait on him to decide what he wants to do. Take care of YOU.
Sounds like they were his friends not yours
Sounds like you need to go out and make new friends
>should i wait until he decides he can be friends with me again or call out the friend group for picking him? i have tried to be respectful towards his issues but should i tell him this isn’t fair to me and tell him to suck it up when we hang out at a group event like a party?
i suggest you do something quite different than any of these options: walk away with your head held high. it is hard to make new friends, but these aren’t your friends. it was a hard lesson for me to learn but a valuable one: people who want to spend time with you generally will make that known. you don’t need fairweather friends like this; calling them out might make you feel better but ultimately they didn’t sign a friendship contract with you and they are within their rights to not be your friend. they sound like fickle jerks anyway.
i know it sounds very tough but make your own path, OP. don’t waste time on people who won’t give you the time of day.