22F. My self esteem is really low, everytime a cool guy shows interest in me I get imminently obsessed with him. I have a lot of hobbies, work, university but when I’m interested in someone I stop enjoying anything. I’m exercising regularly and it doesn’t help me. Few days ago really cool guy texted me on a dating app. We have the same hobbies, we like the same stuff and I’m LITERALLY OBSESSED with thinking about him even tho we haven’t met. I know that he’s not looking for a girlfriend, just some friends bc he’s new in town. Today he asked me if I want to go out. I said yes but I’m fucking puking from stressed. It’s not good for my heart. I know I should make any expectations but I can’t control it. I feel awful, like a fucking psycho. But it was like this forever. Since I was 13 years old. Having a crush was a fucking torture everytime in my life. I was in a relationship once 3 years ago and it lasted only for 3 months. I hate myself so much rn. I’m really social, I have a lot of friends but when it comes to romantic stuff I get crazy every fucking time. I don’t know what to do.
8 comments
In your first sentence you answered it. You’re self esteem is low so your searching for validation from others and will drop everything to get it.
I have low self esteem and so I can understand how that can be. I would have said form m what you’ve told us, decide if it’s healthy to pursue this right now. It seems risky in terms of you putting someone you barely know on a pedestal, it also puts you at risk for unhealthy relationships. Where someone may love bomb you, you get obsessed /attached but they are not what the original seemed. Maybe it’s wise to step back from situations/ dating maybe and work on your self esteem first and finding a balance. Try and find out where it comes from and the desire to be validated that you’ll go as far to neglect everything. There are online resources or therapy if accessible. Journaling might help locate a pattern or reason.
If you do decide to go for this hangout realise that everyone is human, it’s fine to be nervous, giddy excited but no one is a God to be worshiped or above you. He’s just like you not more or less worthy. You are just as important and your life shouldn’t be neglected in this.
Read up on attachment disorders?
I FEEL EXACTLY LIKE YOU OMFG I NEED HELP
I just wonder if I’m ugly or a loser or what the heck cuz I’m a good guy but I guess no one liked me yet because… 🤷 I dunno, kinda wanted to vent rn, I’m way younger than you btw
A couple years younger than you. Although not to that extent I understand being nervous and thinking about a possible romantic partner. Maybe these situations will get better over time?
26M and I struggle with this as well. I put everybody I start dating on a pedestal. Luckily it doesn’t manifest into any overly-clingy outward behavior but internally it’s torture. It becomes this all-consuming thing that prevents me from enjoying any of my hobbies or the simple pleasures in life. I make myself suffer every hypothetical scenario with this person, both positive and negative and I completely exhaust myself.
The problem, like other people have pointed out, is self-esteem. I don’t have a healthy opinion of myself and until I address that then I can expect this issue to continue to reappear in my life.
Same sis fucking same :(((
I think we just freaking idolize ppl and the best thing is to put your time know them very well and then little by little , red flag after red flag boooom you relize you just idolized them . It’s gonna be painful because their truth is very ugly ( at least in my cases !! ) but at the end you will become less obsessed with next one .
Hey I’m much older than you, and also female, and I have also always had this issue with early obsession with people (and jobs, bands etc). I’ve managed to deal with it quite well over the past few years.
It’s definitely a symptom of an anxious attachment style. You can control it but it takes a lot of mental effort.
A smart thing to do would be to start journaling your feelings, then reading the journal to yourself later and seeing how irrational your thoughts are…
I would also try to constantly keep reminding yourself not to get your hopes up, and to ensure you are busy and distracted and not putting all of your eggs in one basket.
Feel free to message me if you wanna talk 🙂
babe sameeee