My partner did not have an easy time growing up. He had hip problems due to a bad fall when he was kid and a large overbite his parents couldn’t afford to fix until he was in college.
He’s told me how he was miserable growing up and doesn’t have any childhood nostalgia and that he likes to consider his post-college years as when his life ”began.”
So because of that he limits the time he spends with his family because he associates bad times with them. We live in the same town as his parents and we rarely see them. By comparison we have dinner with my mom at least once a week.
And the thing is, his parents and his sister as far as I can tell are absolute sweethearts. His mom is a former chef and always makes these elaborate dinners when we come by. His dad who I was told was something of a cranky old man always smiles when he gets to see his son. My SO’s sister even jokes about my SO always being the ”favorite.” Oh and his sister is also really nice.
However, they’ve sort of accepted my SO keeps them at arm’s length to the point they text/call me when they want to tell him something because according to them ”he’s never on his phone” which is false but I feel it’s not my place to correct them.
As the years go by my SO keeps pushing them further away to the point he didn’t see his parents for over 2 months and when he did, it was for a quick dinner where we left 5 minutes after we were done eating. His dad was not happy. I specify he instead of we because I did hang out with his mom a few times. Who made passive agressive coments over my SO not wanting to spend time with them.
We’ve been talking about getting married next year and I’m just wondering how much is it appropriate for me to speak up and tell him I know he has his reasons but he can’t punish his family for something that was out of their control.
I admit part of it is jealously because I come from a single parent home and my mom wasn’t always at her best. So having my SO’s mother text me and saying she catered a wedding and asking if she can drive by and share some cupcakes and little sandwiches on a whim kind of makes me feel I should try and help make their relationship better.
But again, I’m not sure how much of that is my place.
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**tl;dr**: SO keeps his distance from his loving family due to reasons out of their control. Is it my place to try and mend their relationship?
2 comments
His experience is not yours to judge. He is clearly dealing with a lot of trauma from growing up and you need to get it out of your head that you can (or should) tell him how he needs to feel about it.
Also he should get therapy.
People are always nicer around ‘company’.
Send him over there on his own with a hidden camera and see how they are.