Am I overreacting
Hi everyone,
Me and my now ex boyfriend just broke up and I’m wondering if I’m just being hormonal and pathetic.
Me and my ex were only been together around 7 months and I’m currently 3 months pregnant(I know not great timing please don’t judge) we don’t live together he lives about an hour away but we stay at each others houses. But through our whole relationship he’s never given the love,support or reassurance I needed and I’ve tried to talk to him about it multiple times. He doesn’t text me,he doesn’t call me,he doesn’t ask to see me,whenever I tell him about things he seems so unbothered like he really doesn’t care. I hoped that he would change that he would start to show me love and reassurance. I’ll admit I am a hard person I need reassurance if I can’t see or feel your love I’m convinced it’s not there and I tried for a long time to not put that onto him and to just bring it up in a way we could talk about it. Ask him why he doesn’t do those things he always says I’m just playing xbox with the boys and that I’m being petty and needy. For reference he doesn’t work so he has all day to do that. Over the past few months I’ve been trying to get him involved in the pregnancy although it was unplanned and we’re not prepared for it I really hoped he’d wanna be involved in things,he told me that he’s okay with whatever decision I make but has made no effort to get involved in my pregnancy whatsoever. I started bleeding a couple of weeks ago only a little bit and I went to the hospital to get checked out,he text me twice while I was there and was busy playing his game the whole time otherwise. They booked me in for an early scan to make sure everything was okay I asked him to come with me I was scared it was the first scan and I didn’t know if something was wrong I didn’t want to be alone. He said he couldn’t be bothered to get up that early and come with me-but then called me on the morning of the scan 2 hours before and I said to him oh you’re up early and he said he wakes up at that time everyday🤦♀️so I went by myself. I had to ask him 5 times if he was going to come to the scan after that with me. At no point has he said he’s excited or he wants to do this or that he’s there for me. The other day I was feeling really down and I was trying to explain to him over the phone that I feel so alone and he said I’m making myself alone and I told him I’m begging for help for love for reassurance and he just won’t give me any. He called me an emotional shipwreck and proceeded to laugh I was at work at the time and he said to suck it up and move on I felt so alone and so upset. I went to my manager and ended up crying to her for 45 minuets and when I got sent home and told him he didn’t even ask if I’m okay. We was just on call together and we had a little disagreement honestly it was my last straw I’ve held on for so long in the hopes he’d change that he’d prove to me that he really does care for me and our child. He text me and said he’s sick of me chatting shit all the time I asked him what he wants to do he said what do I wanna do cause I’m the only chatting shit. I said I’ve told him multiple times all I want is for him to put effort it and to act like he cares. He says I’m on the same stuff all the time and when he try’s to change I complain about something else. I said I only ever get mad at him because he puts in no effort and it’s draining and then he says he doesn’t care about anything or anyone and when he tries to change that for me all I do is complain about something else. I ask him how he’s change and he says lol I tried. I said it’s nice to hear how he really feels and then I asked him how he’s tried to change. He says he’s just telling me what I wanna hear. He says that he loves me but I make it so hard without apparently being a shit dad. I’ve never called him a shit dad,never I’ve told him so many times he would do a great job if he just applied himself properly then ge says if I don’t like him to get rid of him so I said okay bye and blocked him on message so he text me on messager and I said thank you for the opportunity and lessons he’s taught me but I don’t want to be in a relationship I’m unhappy in anymore. He’s not asking if I really wanna do this but I’m more sure of thing than anything. I know that is anyone is reading this you’re all going to think why did she stay in that relationship. I was stupid and I was blinded by love but I know now that isn’t an excuse and I should have been smarter and I will be. I just need to know if I’m imagining this and that someone who claims to love you wouldn’t do these things. I feel like I’m just a hormonal mess but if I can’t count on him to give me something as small as reassurance and effort at a time when I need him the most then what can I rely on him for? Sorry this was so long but if anyone has any advice I would love to hear it.
Thank you have a great day everyone.
4 comments
You were with a manchild. Hes not mature enough for a relationship nevermind being a father. I think you need to accept that hes unlikely to change anytime soon and make your top priority you and your child. You may be a hormonal mess but thats allowed. Itll he hard but youll manage and no doubt do a great job. Im a man raised by a single mother and she done great. I had a pretty happy safe childhood and Im sure even if you do it yourself your child will have the same.
It also sounds like he didnt want you to have the baby and hes terrified so his way may be to shut off from you emotionally so youll break up with him and he can get away scot free.
I hope he steps up and at least becomes a responsible and involved father to your child but at the very least make sure he contributes through child support.
So no I dont think your overreacting Id imagine its easier to not have someone support you and show the affection you need at this sensitive time than have somebody whos supposed to but doesnt.
He’s not ready for a relationship. He just isn’t. Get an attorney because he’s going to need to get a job and pay child support.
both of you are very young and he’s definitely not emotionally ready to be a dad or a good partner. good luck to you, the break up was a good decision. please focus on yourself and the baby
You dated a teenager and are surprised that after several months of dating, throwing a pregnancy in the mix didn’t turn him into your dream man? Most relationships don’t work like that. Babies don’t fix things. Some people step up, and it works out, but it doesn’t sound like he was all in for a long-term, committed romantic relationship to start with. He’s just a boy who is living his ‘best life’ as a *teenaged boy*. He doesn’t want the responsibility of a family. I suggest getting a lawyer to help you through the legal work of financial support and get a paternity test so that he can’t come back at some point and say that it’s not his. I hope you have a good family and friend support system. Are there groups nearby that you could join for mothers to be? Perhaps something like that will give you a boost in a sense of community.