Should I stay or should I go?
I (42f) have been with my fella (39m) for almost 17 years. I have been through a lot of stress lately with work. This stress has caused me to be extremely anxious and depressed. I have handed in my notice for my current job and have secured another job in a completely different sector. This has also caused stress and anxiety because I will be taking a massive pay cut. My fella has been giving mixed messages. He has moaned somewhat at the fact I’ll be losing money. He then told me to do what I need to do and acted supportive for about a day or two. He has since changed his tune again. We ended up having an argument the other night because I told him that I don’t feel like he supports me. I honestly don’t think he ever has. I have been sleeping on the sofa for the past few nights and we haven’t spoken a word to each other during that period.
I guess, I need to make some hard decisions. I have put my name down on a housing list because, this time, I am so close to leaving. What I am asking is, should I leave him? Or should I stay? I understand he is stressed about the money but isn’t my mental health worth more??? What should I do?? Please help. I’m going out of my head trying to keep going. Thanks.
4 comments
I obviously don’t know the nature of your relationship over those 17 years, but this post makes it sound like the source of these issues is recent. If this isn’t a pattern of behavior you’ve just silently suffered under for almost 2 decades, but is instead a newer issue that got uncovered by the income situation, then I think the better play is to start with couples counseling.
Whilst I understand his concerns about money, especially at this time of some very real economic challenges, I do believe that your peace of mind is more important. Perhaps one last go at getting through to him, sit him down and tell him you’re close to leaving and lay out your reasons. After such a long time you both deserve to give each other that last chance.
You do have to make some hard decisions. Don’t base it on what we say here because we can’t possibly know the history of this relationship and whether it’s worth salvaging. You obviously want to go.
Only you can decide whether there’s more good in the relationship than bad and whether you’d be happier staying or being alone and then maybe being with someone else.
I’d need to know a lot more about you and what’s good and what’s bad in your relationship to form an opinion on which is better for you.
I do think it’s important to feel supported by your partner. In a good relationship, both people support the other. So if you don’t feel supported and never have, that’s certainly a negative.
Do you think the lower salary is going to cause financial issues for you? If so, I can understand his concerns about that, but mental health is very important so it can sometimes be better to have a lower paying job you like than a higher paying job that stresses you out.
I think that the two of you should talk about what you’re each feeling and how to manage the lower income and hopefully reach an agreement you are both satisfied with.