I’m sorry if this post doesn’t fit the sub, but my current (22m) partner (~34f) is from Spain.
I welcome the opinions of Europeans too.
We met about 9 months ago, and she has been here in the US for like 3 years. I’m not sure how important all the details are.
Basically, we’ve seen each others privates. Took a while to get to they step, but it happens a few weeks ago. The details aren’t that important.
A week ago, I came to her place and we just relaxed. Started talking. While we were talking she told me I should get surgery to fix my penis. It caught me off guard so I asked what she meant and she affirmed just that.
She also said that the only reason she was in a relationship with me was because she thought black Americans didn’t have the mentality to “Cut” boys penises, since we were “Poorer” and more “Crime adjacent” on average. Then she said, again, I should get surgery to restore the skin on my dick.
I didn’t understand what she was referring to at the moment, so told her it was fine, since there was still “skin” on it (None over the head, when soft), but she just stopped talking to me. We still see each other but this was very painful to hear, I want to address this to her but I don’t know how, and I’m afraid of making her angrier, how do I approach her on this?
Edit: Sorry for the lack of responses, I posted this right before my shift. I’m on break now and should be able to respond to some of y’all around 9:00 US time.
Her comment just stung because I don’t like the idea of that choice being stolen from me.
37 comments
If she doesn’t like you as you are, and believes you are something that should be “fixed”…. do not stay with this woman a day longer
1. Her age is pretty inappropriate to be dating you.
2. She’s wildly racist and likely fetishising you.
3. I’m European/British and sure, circumcision isn’t too common here, mostly just amongst the Jewish population (and the odd medical necessity) but she’s being an a-hole about it. It’s really not a big deal and shouldn’t be asking you to somehow “fix” it.
Damn. tell her to fuck all the way off
Being circumcised was something you had zero control over and if you feel fine about that, that’s all that matters. I understand it may be something different she has encountered but her reaction is appalling
her preconceptions about black Americans are very weird and off putting and saying she only dated you because she thought black men wouldn’t be circumcised because they are poor is ???????
And the age difference is of concern
My conclusion is that she sounds like she’s not a very nice person and I’d leave her yesterday if that was an option.
Best of luck to you, you deserve to be with someone who loves/respects you as you are.
She sounds like an awful person, don’t talk to her again. Clearly there is a reason she is still single at that age
So sorry to hear this but I am glad you are advocating for yourself. Also the desire that you have to share your body and vulnerability who is unaware of the intersectional stereotypes she possesses and your reality is traumatic for you. I hope you can continue to educate her on acceptance and inclusion especially when it comes to people asking another person to morph their bodies to fit their stereotypes.
First of all, she is way too old to be dating you. I’m not even sure you guys are actually dating based on her response and the information you gave. Not only is she racist and ignorant, but it seems like she is definitely just using you for sex. Sorry bud.
Why are you with this racist woman? You can definitely do better.
Toss her racist xenophobic ass out of your life.
Now
I’d be more worried about the racism than her thoughts on you needing to get imaginary dick surgery.
I have several friends from Spain, Portugal and France through surfing. They did have some weird ideas on America and our culture and race relations. Those things were quickly dispelled after a simple trip to the States, which makes me wonder about this woman who has been here 3 years and still thinks that way. Most of Europe sees the worst parts of our news that is very negative. News in other parts of Europe appears more balanced than ours and that informs an opinion that’s often wrong. Our news in general is more hyperbolic, but in typical life we are much more aware of our prejudices than other parts of the world. I just can’t get over the fact she’s been here 3 years and said this to you. I will also say that discrimination in Europe and Asia- especially Japan is intense. It’s been a long time since I was there, but I can’t imagine it’s that much better.
She’s being racist, picky, odd, disrespectful and telling you in your face that she picked you cause she thought black Africans were too poor and more crime adjacent to get circumcised is absolutely ridiculous.
You leave her or you are doing a disservice to the black community
>we were “Poorer” and more “Crime adjacent” on average
This is your que to leave her. This is a very racist thing to say
Regarding your other question, we don’t get circuimsisions in Europe as “standard” except for religious, personal or medical reasons.
European here. This woman is a racist, ignore her.
Wtf? This woman sounds horrible! Get rid of her!
Dear god. You dodge a freight train my man. I’d unfollow/block her at this point just to let her know.
Penis talk aside, those black American comments were awful. The nerve…
I don’t think this has much to do with her being European. She just sounds a bit racist and mad.
Circumcision is not common in Europe, they are more of an American thing and seen as more hygienic. The fact that she thinks black Americans don’t do that because they probably dirty, poor and prone to crime should be enough to dump this trashy woman. The only reason to approach her should be to dump her and block her right after.
Damn she called you slow, broke, and a criminal in one fell swoop 😂😂😂 don’t explain shit to her fuck her
>She also said that the only reason she was in a relationship with me was because she thought black Americans didn’t have the mentality to “Cut” boys penises, since we were “Poorer” and more “Crime adjacent” on average. Then she said, again, I should get surgery to restore the skin on my dick.
This is so problematic lol, I’m usually not one to immediately jump to “break up with them” but holy shit. I’m not sure there is much more context needed from that.
Dude, is this seriously the women you want to spend your time with?
The biggest issue with Europeans is they ultimately think they are superior. This woman is another clear cut example of it. I’m Turkish and everytime I feel like maybe I’ll have a better chance with Euro boys here in the US, they prove me wrong.
How do you even restore a skin that’s cut anyway? The nerve endings are already gone, you can’t regenerate them. She should get a brain surgery instead.
She’s racist, classist and batsh1t crazy.
Thats not a spanish or European customs, just her own sad mind
The penis thing is highly concerning but you choosing to ignore the obvious racism is ALSO concerning… love yourself more and leave. Wtf.
Body shaming, racism, classism, coercion to get irreversible surgery…
Sounds like a catch, OP!
There may be a culture difference here, but for me her statements would be completely and totally out of bounds. Like “fuck no, get out, and don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out” levels of “hell no.”
You final question is “how do I approach her on this” and honestly my take there is you don’t. You tell her what she said was unacceptable full stop and you’re done immediately and without further discussion.
Your partner is a weirdo. No well-adjusted person in their mid-30s dates a person in their early 20s. Dump her.
Run! Shes spouting some very racist stereotypes and I question someone who is 34 dating someone who is 22 which is often college age.
I’d be way more concerned with her racism than her views on circumcision.
Lol Im European, and yeah everyone in my country has foreskin unless removed due to some complications. I am dating an American who is circumcised and it never bothered me one bit, I simply cannot imagine having a problem with it. I think circumcising in general is wrong, and I wouldn’t do it to my son, but it is not something that affects my choice of a partner. She sounds unhinged so I would drop her, plus she’s racist
Why are you still dating this person?
From a EU woman. First of all it sounds like she is racist and not a very nice person. Second she is basically body shaming you! In EU is not very common to get circumcised but this does not mean she should have “chosen” you only based on this…please find a nicer person to be with. Also I am sorry she said those things to you
I think you shouldn’t feel guilty for this. When blaming you she is gaining an unfair advantage over you. She should love you as a whole or don’t love you at all, and if she loves you sincerely she wouldn’t care about details. So, it is not your problem, it is hers. She can’t attack something so personal as your own body. Would you say to her “hey, get a new heart”?
50F here. I’m from Northern Europe, we don’t practice circumcision in my country so 99% of men are uncut there. I think your partner is mental. There is no way to restore foreskin to a circumcised penis; I am a health care professional and that is a medical truth.
It makes no difference to a woman’s pleasure if she is with a circumcised or intact man. I’ve had sex with both kinds and literally you can’t feel any difference. My current partner is cut and it’s the best sex I’ve had.
You should walk away from this woman, there’s something wrong with her head.
Dude, just find another girl
She sounds like she’ll mentally destroy u
She’s not worth it
You should def move on bro
Hey! I’m a woman from Spain and I assure you it has nothing to do with where she’s from. She appears to be… just a bad person. While it’s true that here (or at least what I know of this) we don’t usually circumcise boys, it’s not an unknown practice. Besides that, commenting on something personal that negatively it’s only an indicator of poor education.
My advice is to not bother with her anymore. She showed her colours, not only racist but rude and you don’t deserve that. Your body is yours and if it’s a healthy one, why the hell would you change it? Find someone better, who deserves you. She’s not the one.