Hello!
I’ve posted previously about a certain issue, but have it fleshed out a bit more.
To get things established, my [22F] boyfriend [22M] and I are nearly 4 years in and both 22, we’ve known each other since middle school and didn’t start dating until 19- though we liked each other growing up. He’s pretty much imitated everything.
The topic of sexual experience came up in my relationship because my bf found some old texts and media relating to my ex- it was very, VERY old and NOT saved to my phone, but was from past conversations on an alternate app.
My ex and I were together for less than 6 months, I didn’t take it seriously whatsoever and as soon as commitment came up I left.
I had no clue I’d still had them and should’ve deleted them in the past. I haven’t kept them around for any use whatsoever and look at that past relationship with nothing but disgust.
it’s been really tearing him down, I’m of course being empathetic and comforting and apologized to him. He’s my love and I value him so, so much. More than he’ll ever know. I never meant to intentionally hurt him.
So in this post I’m focusing on his own personal thoughts he’s expressed, I feel confident we’re working through his issue with the ex stuff separately.
One of the things that bothered him is that it reminded himself that he’s only had me as a serious relationship, I’m also his only sexual partner. My past bothers him.
I’ve had two previous sexual relationships that I regret and had no clue what sex was supposed to be like before I met my current boyfriend. It’s truly amazing.
Thing is, he doesn’t have that basis or comparison. He’s said the way he thinks about it is “It’s a life experience that many get to have, except for me for some reason. It feels like people has something over me.”
In some weakness to keep him i’d mentioned a hall pass or something- he’s denied. He says it’s not appealing and it wouldn’t be fair to me and that I’d leave him.
In a perfect world where my feelings wouldn’t get hurt, I wouldn’t leave or sleep with other men, then sure, he would. I think that’s what any guy would find appealing.
He’s talked about it with friends and they mentioned how it’s more worth it in the long run to have what we have rather than sleep around. Sure it’s fun, but they mentioned how hard it is to find what we have.
The way he put it was “I regret not getting more experience before, but I do not regret you.”
He’s emphasized how it isn’t frequent that it pops up in his head and it’s more of a symptom caused by what he saw. He’s never the one to bring it up and I usually am because it worries me!
We both grew up with unfaithfulness so I know he wouldn’t do anything like that, but I still fear just given the circumstances and past.
When I felt terrible and expressed how I never want to hold him back and encouraged him to do whatever would bring him happiness in life, he said I wasn’t holding him back. The way he put it was “I made a choice to be committed”
He’s said he loves me, he’s not going anywhere, being with me makes him happy, fulfilled and he’s always had the feeling we’d end up together in the long run. He’s even been the one to mention marriage in the future and teased me about it.
I don’t know how to get the thought or fear out of my head, or feel like it’s my fault too. I just want him happy, but I need to have self respect and not worry FOR him. If he stays then he stays, if not, he’s not worth it.
He’s said so many beautiful things and repeatedly comforted me, loved me, took initiative for first steps, everything. How do I just trust and enjoy?
TLDR; Boyfriend expressed he regrets not sleeping around before us but not that he regrets our relationship. Even with this comfort, I’m still worried despite him saying he made a choice, he’s committed and he’s happy. How do I just let him focus on his own regrets and not worry FOR him?