So my (24m) girlfriend (24f) helped plan this local award ceremony that has been in the works for a year, and I went with her and she took pictures with a lot of people that were directly involved in the awards. She didn’t even want to take a photo with me until one of her friends said she could take a photo of us.
Anyways, after the event, my girlfriend didn’t post the picture of us, but rather just photos of her at the award ceremony, and her reasoning was because it was “her thing”, and she didn’t want to “share everything”. She also said she didn’t want to look like she’s only just my girlfriend, but rather more than just that since she posts us a lot. I guess she wanted to look independent.
I argued that she can look independent even if she posted us, and if she asked me to dress up and be there for her in support, it wouldn’t have done any harm to throw in one photo of us on her Instagram stories.
She didn’t win an award but she also did say that she ever won an award in the future, she would post pictures of her being handed the award and not us together because it would be “her moment”.
I don’t know. Is this a selfish thing? I get it’s her moment but I don’t get why she doesn’t want to post us at “her moments”
TLDR: am I wrong for getting upset that my girlfriend doesn’t like posting pictures of us together at her events because it would take away from it being “her moment”
36 comments
Hey there man! I think you’re being a little controlling. She wants the awards and event to be about her, and you’re very much making it about you.
You also said she posts you a lot…like man. It’s about her and her work, not you.
Sounds kind of petty. It’s her work and achievement, she can do whatever she wants. Not sure why you’d care so much. Not like she’s hiding you from others cause she does post pics of you two when not in work related situations.
It’s her work thing and her awards show, not a date…why are you so determined to be posted? You really asked “why didn’t you put up a pic with me in it?”…You say she posts you plenty, so when she doesn’t post you at a work function you sulk? Let her have her thing, support her…you post the pic on your page if you want, but you seem to be making her night about you
Weird
There are a few things that you left out. How long have you been dating? Is this a serious relationship, meaning has there been talk of a future between you two? The reason I ask is, if your relationship isn’t that serious, then no, she isn’t being too unreasonable, wanting the night to he about her. However. If the relationship is on track for having a life together, then you both need to remember that you are not in competition with your partner. Your successes are hers, and hers are yours. The burdens it takes to have those successes (time apart for work, taking on extra duties at home, etc.) are shared, and the rewards should be shared as well. While yes, the accolades are their’s, it would have been harder without the support of their partner in the background.
So before you get too upset, ask yourself, “What did you do to help her in achieving her success?”
It would seem weird to me if you hadn’t said that she does post pictures of you as a couple often. The fact that she does makes this a non-issue in my book.
Maybe she doesn’t want to post a photo of you in her moment because it’s her moment? She’s actually a separate person from you. She gets to have a career, plan events, and have moments in her life that don’t star you. You’re pushing her away by being insecure and controlling. If she’s posting photos of you otherwise, and acknowledging that you’re someone who’s important in her life, you’re about to screw up a good thing.
Let her do her thing, her way.
It’ll make both of you happy in the long run.
why don’t YOU post the picture of you guys and share how proud of her you are?
Don’t be one of ‘those’ guys. Back off.
This wasn’t a date and you said she posts plenty of pictures of you together. She is allowed to have a career and life of her own and to post about her achievements without you being so needy and controlling.
It sounds like you are insecure and horning in on her moment.
She isn’t being selfish; this is actually about her just like her earning a diploma, degree, certificate or award would be. She is allowed to have her spotlight without having to include you. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t love and appreciate you.
Each of you individually still have your own identities and should be allowed to celebrate or boost about it on your own terms.
She posts you often, so you know she loves you and is proud to be your partner don’t ruin it by making her moment about you. Don’t turn this into something it isn’t.
You said she posts pictures of the two of you all the time? If that’s the case then I think you are looking for an argument where there is none.
If she *never* or even rarely posted pics of the two of you, to a point that it felt like she was trying to hide your relationship then you would have a point, and it would be a problem worth discussing. But her choosing to post the pics that *she* wants to post, at *her* awards ceremony? Not every single aspect of our lives need to be broadcast all over social media.
If you want the pic of you two posted, then post it on *your* social media. This is not an argument worth wasting your energy on.
Why are you making her moment about you?
have you seen any award winner celeb post with their partner holding the award? there would be “thanks to…”, you’ll be mentioned and that’s it. cause even if you’re their partner it’s their achievement. and of course partners will benefit from one another achievements but what you’re asking for is sharing the spotlight.
also would you do that yourself? would you share a cute pic of the two of you in a serious moment like this? it’s about her career. grow up.
It’s normal to carve out space for professional vs personal. Don’t try to take ownership of how she presents professionally. You’re creating a problem where there isn’t one.
Yes, you are wrong.
You are wrong. Its her shit, and you dont get a say in what she does with it.
I mean, I’d be upset, but there are some women who have legitimate reasons for wanting to put out an independent social image. If she is an author or a business owner, I would expect her to want to have some pictures of just herself. In her case, she does seem to have aspirations as it was at her award ceremony, so I would actually conclude that she is right. Ask her to do a photo with you somewhere else a different time when you guys are chill away from the ceremony.
if you want the picture posted, you post it. unless she has a habit of not posting you on social media and hiding your relationship in that way, it’s not a big deal. it is HER moment, it’s also her instagram and she can post what she sees fit.
Omg, it’s not a date. It’s an award ceremony. That she was at for work that SHE was doing? It was HER achievement. Not yours. You said yourself she posts plenty of photos of you. Why are you not willing to let her have one moment of her life that doesn’t revolve around you? Have you never posted a work photo that doesn’t involve her? Controlling much?
YES! Get over yourself 🙄
Is this the hill you want to die on? Sounds like you are a little insecure and maybe a tad bid controlling. I guess that depends on how upset you are. I would chill and not read anything into it.
Chill out and let her have her thing
Lol, don’t make this about you. There’s no good way to argue yourself into her award. Just be supportive and celebrate the accomplishment
If you were engaged or married, it would be different…maybe. But you’re simply bf & gf of 1 year…nothing permanent at this point in time. You should apologize for being angry & controlling with her.
If she NEVER posted pics of you because she wanted to look single, that WOULD be an issue. But her wanting ONE picture without you in it to capture her achievements isn’t a bad thing, and you are being selfish, but that doesn’t define you as a bad boyfriend. I know that you love your girlfriend and you want to be included in special events and moments with her, but sometimes you need to let people have their moments to shine. You will both love each other more if you know when to stay on the sidelines and let the other shine every once in a while. It’s normal and ok to feel excluded, and it isn’t fun. But it’s not ok to guilt trip your partner into including you in something that they wanted for themself in that moment. All of us will act selfish at some point in our lives, but the best thing you can do right now is apologize to your girlfriend and not try to justify your selfishness.
I actually love this for her and wish more women would be so proud of their achievements that they take the limelight and own it
Yes, you are wrong. Let her have her moment of accomplishment, Kanye.
She posts about you guys enough, let her enjoy her moment. This is weird, people are only getting weirder. Maybe you should have posted the pic on your IG and not whine about it.
What you need to understand is that, historically, in western culture, women were mostly recognized in the context of the man she was with (we can just _start_ with women typically taking their husband’s last name and go from there). Women are, only in recent decades, being given the opportunities to show that they can do great things on their own (like be CEO of a company, run a country, lead major medical research teams, etc). Show someone a photo of a couple holding an award and they’ll assume that either _he_ earned it (and she is just there as his mate) or they earned it together more than they’ll assume that she did it all on her own and he’s just her date.
Your gf is well aware of this change of cultural messaging, because she’s the target of it, so she’s rather particular (and _entitled_ to be so) about avoiding any ambiguity about the accomplishment being attributed to her.
1) did you post her?
This is a specific event that is awarding her achievements. Let her have her time to shine.
It isn’t an award about being single and available, is it?
So what?
Are you so insecure that you can’t let her be her own person?
Man up brother and swallow your pride ffs.
YTA
You’re being selfish. She posts pics of you two all the time so she’s not trying to hide you. She’s worked on this over a year. Let her have her moment and stop trying to police what she posts and trying to insert yourself into her thing
It’s really weird that you’re making this about you. You had nothing to do with it, just let her be proud of her hard work. Just let her have her moment. Obviously you know you’re being weird about it because you posted online for validation rather than listening to and respecting your partners boundaries