TL;DR Gave my BF an ultimatum and he has changed his mind about what kind of relationship he wants. IDK what to do and need some perspectives. What would you do? What advice would you give me?- Lots of layers to this so I will try to summarize everything here the best I can. We’ve been together 8 years and living with his parents together for 5. Since Covid living here has become miserable for me. We tried to move out last year but everything we tried fell through. I have been telling him he should try too or get a 2nd part time job so we can afford something that he will be happy with because he is so picky and sense neither of us are being offered overtime right now and he hasn’t really taken me seriously. I’ve also been looking for a better job with no success so far. I reached my breaking point and gave him an ultimate that we needed to get serious about getting out again.
He pushed at the beginning of our relationship for it to be open and has teased me for years I need to get a Bf to get out of his hair sometimes. I was not at all on board with the idea of this at first but eventually agreed because I was a repressed bi-. I started out looking for a lady for us to date and had no luck. Then went to just looking for myself off and on for a while. Just within the last couple months I started actually considering dating men and got to looking at my options. I have kept him in the loop the entire time even potentially talking with him about mfm if I found someone and he would want that and allowing him to come with me for introductions and he hasn’t had any issue till recently with anything. When we first started dating he said he wanted kids but not too long in said he really doesn’t with some validish reasons. So in a way I had always looked at it as a sort of trade off sense I had always wanted kids and wasn’t going to get them I at least had the option to have someone else if I wanted to.
Now we have a contract on a house and he has been going to interviews since the ultimatum. He has always been iffy on marriage and has said he is ready to lock me down now.
I downloaded the dating app about 2 months ago and have communicated to him about it the whole time. I gave him the ultimatum about 2 weeks ago and just tonight he is telling me he wants me all to himself now. I am hurt and confused. What would you do? What advice would you give me?
1 comment
To stop wasting your time with this guy?
He doesn’t want kids, you do. That should already be a dealbreaker.
He wants to be open, then you find success at doing it, suddenly he doesn’t want that anymore. Suddenly he wants to marry you because he’s afraid you’re going to find someone else. Guess what? He didn’t want you to actually do it, to find anyone else. He just wanted that to be an option for HIM.
Break up with him. Go date. Find someone who wants the same things as you, someone who is interested in progressing your relationship out of love and respect and interest, not because they’re manipulating you to stay.