My best friend (M) and I have know each other for almost 2 decades. It is NB to note that there are no feelings between us. My dear friend is gay and I’m in a long term relationship (to J for 11 years).
M has been staying in a lovely cottage for the last 3 years rent free, and recently got the news that the whole property is to be demolished come the new year. He has to be out by Jan 2024.
I, on the other hand, still stay at home with my parents. I have been ready to leave the nest for some time, but life threw a few curve balls my way and made it a little tough to do so. One of these was that, until my grandaddy’s passing, I was his care giver. I also help out significantly with my parents’ expenses. I have a friend with a cottage ready for me to move into when I am ready that is far closer to work. It is also equipped with power solutions that allow me to work during outages as I work from home most days (my country has daily outages).
M asked me if I would be willing to move in with him to share the expenses. He has all the furniture to make a home and a wonderful doggo. I’d be sharing the rent and other expenses of living in an apartment together.
My concerns are:
1. I don’t want to ruin a lifelong friendship by living with one another.
2. Location. He wants to stay in the area he is in, but I work relatively far from this area.
3. The power crisis we are in. If the apartment we get isn’t equipped to handle that, I’ll be travelling far more than if I just stay at home or move out by myself.
4. My partner is still studying and moves in with me over extended periods of time and I don’t want it to become uncomfortable when he is there in M’s “space”.
5. As extroverted as I am, I need quiet to recharge, so I’m worried about compatibility and boundaries.
Has anyone gone through something similar or have advice?
I’m happy to answer any questions if I’ve been vague anywhere.
Thanks!
3 comments
Personally I think you need to experience living on your own however that works out.
The cottage of your own that is closer to work with power solutions is definitely the better choice. Even if for only those 2 reasons.
You have too many reasons why you shouldn’t move in with M. M has been rent free for 2 decades so hopefully has some savings to fall back on. He shouldn’t need help. And you want your own space and the option to have bf stay for extended periods of time, guilt free.
I lived with my best friend when we got out of high school. Within 3 years we were no long best friends. Still friends, but the living situation certainly tore us apart.
If you can afford to live by yourself and want to, it is a fair reason to say no. Equally, there would need to be compromise in the location if your expected to pay equal expenses. Everything else could be dealt with as an when ie wait until your lease is up then move out with you bf. Your friend cannot be shocked when this happens knowing you are in a long term relationship.
Ultimately it’s up to you, maybe friends hoodie share and it’s usually fine. If you’ve never lived away from home, it would be a nice Segway into living by yourself after a year but everyone is different.