so I watch a lot of porn and I really enjoy giving head. I use to hate it and be really bad at it but after a 5 year relationship and becoming more comfortable in my sexual side I really enjoy it. but now I’m single and hooking up and feel like I give blowjobs like I see in porn- i get face fucked on the first date, if he is lying down I make alot of eye contact, will slap his cock on my face and rub my lips over the tip. tbh most the time the guy seems to love it but am I giving crazy vibes?? like I’ve been ditched a few times for people looking for more serious relationships and not just hook ups and I’m quite fine with those ones, but the other night I slept w a guy I am starting like and now I’m nervous he will just see me as a slut and not a viable dating option. I’ve been told I’m a lot freaky in bed than I give off in my day to day life, which I’m not mad about but should I tone it down in the early stage or do you think my enthusiasm is welcome?
Edit- updates / answers to some q in comment
34 comments
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Lmao I have no advice I’m sorry I’m kinda in the same thought loop myself recently… like I could have written this word for word myself only change the 5 to 19 year relationship…but yes please other ppl answer and help us out 🙏🙏
Definitely gonna be checkin this thread 😂
I see nothing wrong with this. Porn isn’t real life, BUT eye contact and rubbing it with your lips is a key to success, in my opinion.
you’re enjoying it so that’s important!
if you feel like it could be too much , maybe just start asking them if they like it?
give them a chance to ask/tell (for) what they like and just to relieve you of your worry that they may not like it, etc.
> he will just see me as a slut and not a viable dating option
What if I told you that you could be both a slut and a viable dating option?
If you’re being sexual because you love sex and that’s just who you are, then the right guy won’t be threatened by that. He will LOVE it, it’s all about what happens outside the bedroom that makes a difference. You can be relationship material and a super freak, the two can coexist happily. Sounds like you should be giving BJ tutorials, damn! 👏🏻
I’m experiencing something similar, I really enjoy sex. And honestly I’m enjoying really dirty primal sex rn. But I find that sometimes it’s a bit much and guys pull away. (I would love a guys perspective on this) The funny thing is I work with guys and they regularly talk about wifing up a girl who’s good at Bjs, willingly sits on their face, or even just isn’t a dead fish in bed. But I think it scares them irl.
I literally had a guy initiate light impact play while I was on top, and it really got me hot and apparently my face changed and I rode him pretty hard! Afterwards he was like “I wasn’t expecting that, you look so sweet and innocent, I thought you were going to rip my dick off with your pussy”. Then never called me again 🤷🏼♀️ don’t start what you can’t finish.
Is the “freaky” (your word) behavior really you, are you for some reason just imitating what do you see in porn? If your approach genuinely reflects how you’re feeling, then keep up the good work! But don’t feel like you have to put on an act for some guy. If you were in porn, you might have to put on an act. In real life, you should never have to.
If you are good in bed and enthusiastic in bed, you are not going to turn away anyone who’s of any value anyway.
Be yourself. Do what you love. The ones you are compatible with with love it.
if a guy thinks enthusiastic sex is a red flag, i’d want nothing to do with him tbh
Don’t change what you’re doing. What are you doing outside the bedroom? Are you connecting, are you communicating and sharing feelings? Are you doing things together? If you’re a one trick pony, it’s going to be a turnoff/not relationship material.
This sub always skews towards “sex-positive” which ultimately results in many responses such as “do what you want, the right guy won’t mind”. Etc etc etc.
But realistically, dating is like a game of chess. Not checkers. Early impressions DO matter. Sucking someone off and slapping their dick across your face will lead many guys to think you are doing the same with other men. There are also many people who will not form any kind of connection with you if you jump to sex very quickly. They’ve gotten what they wanted. Mystery is gone. On to the next. And there are plenty of people who will pass up taking you seriously if you’re giving off very sexual vibes early on.
Should this matter to you? That’s really up to you.
We can sit here and debate all day about what *should* matter. But if you aren’t getting the results you want currently, then there is nothing wrong with changing up with approach a little bit.
Generally speaking, people like to feel special. And many people like the “chase”. It doesn’t sound like you’re allowing either of these to happen. That’s fine for a hookup. But keeping someone around can take a little more planning instead of jumping into a sloppy BJ very early on while the guy is still thinking about another chick who has been using their time together to build a connection instead of blowing him.
It’s not an issue to be like that in bed. What matters is you also display other qualities to yourself. Like what you want to do in the future, what goals you have to achive that. Or if you’re funny, trustable, and or interesting. When you talk make sure to try and bring those qualities out.
Soooo… I kept my extremely naughty side hidden for a few months, then blew his mind. He says I make him c*m so hard he sees Jesus. No way should you do it on a first date, why buy the cow when you get the milk for free type thing. If I was a dude and a girl did that on a first date ( I’m so sorry to say this but I’m trying to be helpful) I’d think she was slutty. Only because id be thinking how many other men is she doing this with. I would also think well I already got the best do it can’t go up from here, I’m out. I surprised the hell outta my man. And I continue to daily.
Save the amazing bjs for a guy who’s demonstrated his own enthusiasm towards sex and giving head. Not every tinder fuckboi deserves them tbh
i would love a girl who behaves likes a pornstar than a girl who isnt interested in the act or her performance is not hp to the mark !!
My man thought I was going to be a prude because we waited, I dressed conservative and was recovering from surgery the day I got the ok, I undressed while he was getting into bed and told him to take off his pants. I had been waiting for six weeks and was pent up so he got to learn very early in our relationship I may look like a prude but I’m very NSFW. being slutty doesn’t make you not a viable option to date, being slutty too early into the relationship might to certain men, and others may love it. It honestly depends on the guy
Some guys may want to “think” it was them that drove you to become sex crazed which is why holding back for the first few times may be advisable
Ok update w some more info – i went into the date hoping to not sleep on the first date but a long date into drinks at his after and one thing lead to another. I don’t regret sleeping w him at all on a first date and we hung out and chatted for like 3 hours after. But now the texts are drying up a little bit I’m left wondering what’s wrong with me as we felt compatable and overall a pretty good date. It is interesting that people have bought up the point it implies I’ve been sleeping with a lot of other guys – I rarely go on dates or have hook up, it truly was because of a long term relationship that gave me my sex drive but I can see why it wouldn’t look that way. Look, there could be 300 other reasons why he isn’t talking to me but i know this is one thing I could alter – if he doesn’t like my personality or how I look that is something I can’t nor want to change, but was looking for some feedback on this specifically. Especially because I’ve always been told all men want is sex and I guess im conditioned that im good at it why wouldn’t I show that skill off, but it’s a pretty even split that going for it early on isn’t always good vs a welcome surprise.
It’s not a question of “bjs as in porn = not accepted or enjoyed by men who want a serious relationship”, it’s down to the individual men who all have their own likes/dislikes, just like you have your own individual likes/dislikes compared to other women.
The question will simply be – does this man enjoy bjs like in porn? Has he ever had one like that? The best way to find out is not to just SPRING it on him in the moment, but TELL him. You can keep it light; something like “hey, I just want to let you know that I REALLY enjoy giving oral, and I get really into it. I don’t want to freak you out or anything; but if you’re not comfortable with anything I do, please let me know and I can tone it down a bit”. After all, you may enjoy it, but it’ll be HIS body and he gets final say. Although, as a man, I can safely say that, even if the specific acts you want to do aren’t what he enjoys, your enthusiasm will DEFINITELY be appreciated – one of the sexiest things a woman can do is show that she actually WANTS to be there and isn’t just doing her “duty”.
This just shows that you are comfortable with your sex life and know what you want. This doesn’t mean you aren’t dating material, in my opinion.
If you’re meeting with a guy constantly for sex and you like him, let him know it can be something a little more serious. My boyfriend told me from the beginning that he wanted a future wife not just a fling but he still tells me I’m a slut in bed.
Sluts are viable dating options.
Anyone who thinks otherwise isn’t worth your time or effort.
If a guy doesnt consider you a viable relationship option because you’re too “slutty” for giving good bj or being freaky in bed than he’s probably not a good relationship choice himself.
There are worse ways to scare off guys than giving a good BJ
While putting out on the first date doesn’t exactly scream”I”m looking for a relationship” it’s not “necessarily” a deal breaker. But girls who mimic porn do come off as inauthentic…if your partner thinks you are faking it or putting on a show on the first date they may just move on.
Men usually prefer immaculate virgins when It comes to long term relationships, but the exact same men will, in the future, complain about their sex life being boring. So the thing is – do you really want to be with men like these? They aren’t boyfriend material as well. So I don’t see why you should really care
OP: I’m going to give you the bj of your life on the first date.
Literally nobody:
Men with fragile egos:
Ohhh gawwwddd this girl knows how to suck god level dick because she’s refined her skill on hundreds of other dicks and loves sucking dick and now she wants to do the gluck gluck 9000 to me for as long as I manage to keep this (theoretical) relationship afloat as long as I don’t implode under the weight of my own crushing insecurities
I’m not a guy, but I do watch porn. This is a little off topic so sorry. I absolutely do not understand why every chick giving head in porn spits like a gross wad all over the guys dick multiple times. It’s icky for me to just watch. If I was a guy and that happened to me in real life I would be horrified. So, yeah I guess as long as you didn’t do that I would be thrilled.
I think you need to be genuine and true to yourself. Putting yourself and your values out there from the beginning is a good way to prevent yourself from wasting time on someone who might not share those. So in some sense you should continue to do what you love to do. However, no matter how much we try to emulate porn, we all know that porn is essentially fake and temporary. If someone is looking for something more serious, and hopefully we all are eventually, too much “porn style” sex reeks of desperation and even a little “not in the real world” feeling. I think it is still a good idea to get to know a partner and gradually introduce your kinks as you also learn about them. There is still a lot of truth to the idea that growing together, even sexually, helps form a stronger relationship than starting out at 100mph. Do what you feel comfortable doing and what you feel is a reasonable risk depending on how much you value your partner in other areas besides sex.
I’m bothered by everyone commenting here just to repeat slut shaming cultural tropes and then they get all defensive and say “well that’s just how it is”. It may be the case that many men out there are still slut shaming women for enjoying sex but there are plenty of men out there who are more enlightened then that and we should be fighting negative small minded cultural attitudes, not reinforcing them. The argument that men are “rational” to not want to have a serious date with a “promiscuous” (liberated) woman because if she has sex with him on the first night that means she would have sex with anyone on the first night and would likely cheat on him in a relationship is just baseless sexism. Show me the data that says that people who are promiscuous while single are more likely to cheat once the enter a serious relationship.
Sounds like you’re telling yourself you should wait longer before having sex.
Be yourself. You’ll find someone who appreciates you for you. My partner and I had sex and gave eachother oral on the first date, 10 years later we’re still going strong. Sure she had a high body count, but so did I. So what lol I’ll never understand how guys can complain that they can’t be with a woman who enjoys sex because she’s a “slut” then complain when they end up in a dead bedroom. They got what they wanted right? Purity or whatever lol
With that said, I’ve had porn style blowjobs given to me before. In my experience, they might look hot on camera but they don’t feel all that great. Just my personal opinion. So if you end up in your dating journey with a guy who suggests a different approach to oral, remember that communication is a good thing. Not all guys like the same things in bed. So don’t let that stop you from finding Mr Right. Just thought I’d point it out because in my experience when the women I’ve been with in the past thought they were amazing at everything sexual, they would get super offended if I tried to communicate that something wasn’t working for me. Everyone is different
From my own experience – got in a long term relationship with a girl who did just what you describe, on the first date. Had loads of fun. But turned into the worst relationship I could imagine. She had a history of sugar daddies and sex for money that I only found out about when she let it creep back into her life (and between us).
Looking back, I think the incredible blowjob an hour after meeting for the first time should have set alarm bells ringing. It would now make me reconsider whether someone is who I want to settle down with.
Don’t get me wrong – great sex is an important part of a loving relationship for most people (me included). But if you treat sex as a meaningless toy, then you take away from its importance as an intimate connection and expression of love. There is no love in a first date fuck. But it can cause the brain to think there is. And if you keep tricking your brains like that, you won’t know if you actually suit each other outside of the bedroom – which is kind of important!
Don’t do it on the first date. In fact, don’t do anything particularly physical on the first date. Get to know each other and you’ll be pleased with who sticks around and who doesn’t.