Is it weird for a (30M) to date someone 10years younger??

39 comments

1. I don’t think age alone is a deciding factor (unless one party is not legally an adult).

   I think you ought to gauge her willingness to learn about the things that you feel strongly about. If her attitude is “I don’t know about that and I don’t want to” vs “I don’t know about that, but tell me more”.

   You ought to gauge your own willingness to learn about what was meaningful to her growing up.

   A lack of common life experiences may affect how well you can bond with eachother if you don’t both make the effort to learn about eachother’s lives. But you may have a similar experience dating someone who grew up in a non-english speaking country who therefore didn’t see the same shows or eat the same foods growing up – So I don’t think this issue is necessarily about age.

   Other things you might consider that are age-related are differences in when/if either of you wnat kids and/or marriage. If she has had enough life experience to not have fomo due to never getting the chance to experience a range of other people sexually. Things you enjoy doing recreationally – it’s stereotypical but pretty true across the board that people in their early 20s tend to enjoy partying fairly more often than those in their 30s (since they don’t get knocked don’t for 2 days with a hangover every time they drink).

   All in all, every relationship is different so try your best to look within your dynamic and ask if it works for you, rather then looking externally and asking if other people think it’s okay that you’re happy in this relationship (assuming that you are).

2. i believe there’s a steely dan song about this

3. Have you not been able to successfully date women closer to your age? Typically when a 30 year old man is dating a 20 or younger woman, at best it means your maturity level is low for your age, or at worse, you’re being potentially predatory, taking advantage of her lack of life experience. Hopefully you aren’t doing that, although the fact that you asked out a co-worker for casual sex would imply you’re naive to potential outcomes of doing such a thing.

   To put it in some perspective (if you’re in the US) she can’t even legally drink yet. She can’t go on a nice date and order a cocktail or glass of wine. Brains don’t fully form until around age 25 so I’d be worried about her decision making skills regarding situations she might find herself in with you, who has 10 years more life experience than her.

   Maybe you’re truly a good guy and she’s more mature than the average 20 year old, and you’ll be together forever!

   But just saying, if I went on a date with a 30 year old guy and he told me his last relationship was with a 20 year old, I’d be pretty turned off. I would think he was potentially predatory or too immature to date someone closer to his age.

4. Sounds like you both have a lot of movies to watch and songs to listen together.

5. If you feel weird about it, it’s weird.

6. That you’re saying “enjoy it while it lasts” suggests to me that you don’t view her as a long term option. It doesn’t sound like that is what she thinks. So that’s very concerning.

   But yes. That’s very odd. I would strongly reccomend to my 20 year old friends to steer clear of people a full decade older than them.

   Huge experiential and maturity differences which makes an equal relationship almost impossible—and if there isn’t, that just means the older person has been stunted emotionally for some reason, or just seems them as expendable / just wants the sex or status.

   Plus different places in life, the older person will need to be cared for for much longer than the younger person, and ALL kinds of other concerns.

   Just date closer to your age. There are billions of people out there.

   People like you have a tendency to prey on younger women, in their early 20s, for sex, before they better understand the value of their bodies and can make wiser dating choices for themselves. And that’s lame. You literally say this early on: just hoping for “another casual sex”. With a girl 10 years younger who is barely an adult? Ew. Ew, dude. Stop.

7. I think the age gap matters because she’s in her 20s, was a teen last year. If it was a 30 yr old with a 40 yr I feel like it would be okay.

   I’m close to your age and would never date a 20 yr old. Why aren’t you dating someone close to your age?

8. I think it’s weird because she’s barely in her 20s. If you guys were both 10 years older no one would question it. But since SHE’S so much younger, it’ll definitely raise some eyebrows. If you think it’s a weird then that’s all you need. Now yes it’s legal but you said it yourself, the feeling is there but there’s not enough to keep it there. Plus the age gap. I’d pass on this one and go for the next relationship

9. Yeah bro it’s weird. Obviously you’re in a bit of denial, that’s understandable, I’m sure she’s a great root. You won’t be able to turn this into a loving long term relationship, but it really doesn’t seem like you want to. Definitely seems like you’re mainly in it for the sex, but the benefit of affection is also welcome. I’d say, enjoy it while it lasts. But don’t keep her too long. Eventually you’ll have to let her find the real one for her

10. She can’t even buy herself a drink yet

11. There’s a chance that you might get heavily invested in her and want a future together. She’s still 20 and in a couple of years when she matures and come to terms with what she wants in life, there’s a chance that she might not see you in it.

12. Coming from a female who dated someone (who was absolutely wonderful and still is) about 7 years older than me when I was 19, I can say from experience that getting into a long term relationship with someone that much older than me was okay in the short term, but can become very complicated in the long term.

    20 year olds think they know what they want, but its likely they do not quite yet. Or what they want will rapidly change. She is still becoming an adult. Right now, she might look up to you. She might see you as mature, making her feel mature as well. But just say, hypothetically, three years down the road you want to settle down and she wants to go party with her friends? Both normal things for each respective age gap, but the compatibility is all wack.

13. The reason why most people would disagree is because you both may be major, but you seem to be at two different points of your life.

    She just got out of high school and starting out her professional path. She’s in a period where she doesn’t necessarily have a steady “big income” ; parties, going out nights and trips. She have the next ten years to settle down, find a career and figure out her future.

    In the next 10 years, you will be 40. Do you want a house? Do you want a family? Do you want your partner to have a steady career to rely upon?

    Because, in the next two years, you may want to start putting down money for a house. But she might say “the hell Im just 22, what money am I supposed to put in, I want to enjoy my carefree youth”.

    At the end of day, you know her better than everyone in this thread. You should talk to her about what her long term goals and see if your goals both coordinate

    Edit: grammar mistakes

14. As a 26 year old guy who rejected an 18 year old recently, yes. It’s a life stage thing

    She graduated high school a year ago and I’ve been in the workforce for 4 years. We can’t even relate about the same things. If she was 24 and I was 32, it would be the same age delta but much more comfortable. 26 and 34 would be completely a non issue

15. When I was 23, I dated a 31-year-old man. He mentioned having recently gotten out of a relationship, and then I found out his ex was 19. The fact that he had not only dated somebody so young and at such a different stage of life, but also that he was making a habit of dating women who were significantly younger and telling us we were just very ‘mature’ told me everything I needed to know about him.

    I think you are asking for reassurance because you already know this is weird. Ten years might not be such a big deal later in life, but at the ages you currently are, it definitely is.

16. It’s weird. I was the newly 21 and got involved with a man in his 30’s. Thinking about it makes my skin crawl. There was a reason women his age didn’t want him.

17. bro that is not okay. if you gotta ask if it’s weird, it’s probably weird man…

18. Well there’s still 4 or 5 years left for her brain to finish growing. And for her to fully become an adult.

    So yes. It’s weird. You have significantly more life experience than her. She’s been a legal adult for 2 years. She can’t even drink legally if you’re in the US. You’ve been a legal adult for 12 years.

    2 years of being treated legally as an adult…versus 12.

19. If a 30 year old man was trying to date my 20 year old sister I’d be like “why is this grown man trying to date you, what is wrong with him”

    Saying that I myself am 30 and would never date a 20 year old man, its weird, completely different stages of life, not to mention the 10 year age gap.

20. > we went out for a couple dates until we eventually hooked up. The think is, I’ve started to like her

    No you don’t, stop thinking with your dick.

21. Relevant XKCD comic on mathematical function for this scenario

    https://xkcd.com/314/

22. It’s weird, my guy. I’m not even finna read the whole post. It’s weird and you know it.

23. I (35) just started dating someone nearly 10 years younger than me, but it’s felt right for where we are with our lives, what phases we’re going through or have been through. If what you’re doing feels right for both of you, I’d say give it a shot, but I think someone is much more likely to change between 20-23 than 26-29.

24. Why are you trying to get casual sex from coworkers?

25. You should’ve never gone for her, even for sex. Y’all are at two complete life stages and she’s at a disadvantage.

26. So, the the age difference only weirded you out cause you’ve developed Feelings for her? 😒 I’m trying not to reply to this with a “YTA”because this is the wrong Reddit.

27. Please look at your initial intentions of going out. Please don’t do this. (I was the younger person in this situation. Fast forward many years. It was not good. My children would tell you the same.). If you were 40 and she was 30 – that would be a different choice. The life stage thing is true. Even though I was very mature. It was a relationship that wasn’t equally balanced. …. my life was stolen from me.

    She needs the opportunity to grow into herself. Please don’t rob this from her. Even though she may say otherwise. (That’s the inexperience life-thing talking.)

28. You ask if the age difference is too much for your relationship to work out, and then proceed to tell us you have very little in common and can barely hold a conversation sometimes.

    From what you’re saying, the only thing you two got going for you is a spark and LotR. And (from someone who loves LotR) that’s just not enough for a relationship.

29. She’s not even old enough to drink, man.

30. shes still a kid man

31. I dated a guy in his thirties when I was nineteen/twenty and it didn’t end well. As other people have pointed out – you’re both at different points in your lives. She’s just starting out in the “adult world” and is going to start deciding who she is outside of school and learning to be properly independent for potentially the first time. You’ve already gone through this phase. Obviously it might work out wonderfully and you can have a long and happy relationship, but it’s worth bearing in mind that she’s probably going to change a lot in the next few years and your relationship might change as a result of that.

32. As a general rule, it’s not weird to date somebody 10 years younger. It is, however, weird to date somebody who’s 20 when you’re a grown ass mature adult with fully developed brain.

33. I dated a 30 year old when I was 19. It lasted for 5 years, before our age differences meant I was headed in a different direction eventually. At that age people often don’t know who they are yet which can make a long term relationship difficult. Go ahead but be prepared for her to change.

34. Yes. She’s only just graduated from being a teenager. She can’t even legally drink in the US.

    I don’t see why a 30 year old would want to be with someone so young. I’m 6 years older than you and I couldn’t imagine dating someone in their 20’s.

35. I dated my kids dad when I was 21 and he was 31. It wasn’t great. I missed out on my 20s. And now that I’m 36 it just seems so fucked up

36. Why are you messing around with 20 year olds. She’s a kid. You are either going to hurt her really bad. Or she is crazy fucked up in the head and she’ll really wreck your life.

    And because she’s a kid, you are going to be seen as the problem and predator no matter what the reality is. Why go though that?

37. I’d love to tell you that “age ain’t nothing but a number,” but as a 29f, if I started dating a 19m it would be fucking weird.

    What do I have in common with someone who was legally considered a child 1-2 years ago? Not much. It’s weird.

38. Its weird dude.

39. if you’re even asking, you already know the answer. leave her alone.