TLDR- My boyfriend has continually lied about seeing certain friends and being addicted to drugs. It’s been a few months since and I’ve actually seen him change but I can’t seem to forgive him and trust him 100% like I did before. I love him and want to make things work but I truly need some guidance.
My boyfriend of roughly a year and a half gradually started to break my trust about 8 months ago. He started off by lying about going on a trip with a female friend whom had openly said that he should break up with me and who had said vile things to my friend who was suicidal at the time. I only found out about this trip months after it occurred after he continually lied. He led me to believe that he cut ties with this female friend completely when in fact he was still seeing her on a regular basis behind by back. He would use excuses that he was “with his dad” and he even renamed her contact to his other friend’s name. Before you start believing he cheated- I know for a fact he did not. She is rather unattractive compared to me (no offense). However, he was most definitely emotionally cheating on me with this female friend, with them being up all night together talking about emotions- a role which I apparently did not fill at the time. Around after I found out about this, I also learned about his marijuana addiction. He would hang out with some unsavory characters who by no stretch of the imagination were obviously involved with drugs. He would go to parties and lie about doing any drugs- my intuition told me otherwise. When I told him I already knew and that people had told me (they did not-I was just trying to get the truth from him), he finally fessed up to everything. He in fact used to be a dealer, with his cousin supplying him with the drugs. He drove to a concert under the influence with his “female friend” whom I did not know was going with him. After all of this, he finally admitted everything to his father (with me in the room). He quit drugs after learning about his mother’s continual run-ins with the law. I would like to believe he has truly changed and my gut tell me he has. He has tried to do everything in his power to make me trust him again. I truly do love him with all my heart and it breaks me to think that I never will feel the same about him. I miss the person I thought he was. I just can’t shake the feeling that he truly has ever loved me. If he did love me, would he have put me through all of this?
1 comment
What benefit do you get out of maintaining this relationship? It’s not a rhetorical question, honestly think about what you get from staying and if you could get it in a healthier way after breaking up.
Also, just because you are more conventionally attractive doesn’t mean he didn’t cheat physically. He definitely cheated emotionally, which I would argue is worse.