I(25F) grew up without a father, and then soon lost my mom. My childhood was a constant battle of trying to survive, and struggling in many ways. Though all the hardships, I accomplished a lot of things and now live a life that is considered ‘normal’. Still I feel what I want in sex is quite different from my friends.
I melt down when a guy calls me a ‘good girl’. Shame me. Make me please him in the most imaginable ways, spank me and punish me as he pleases. I literally want a guy to put me on his knees and punish me like I am a child, making me do things even though I say no. i want to be like a toy to be used even when I am sleeping. I developed this fantasies at a fairly young age. Maybe around 14?
Still I never met anyone who experience all this with me. And the big part of the reason is because I don’t talk about what I want. It feels weird that I am so independent and strong willed in real life and I want these things so badly. I feel embarrassed of my own needs.
If there’s anyone who had the same experience, please share. 🙂
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\*English is not my first language, sorry if I made any mistakes.
24 comments
Look this is completely normal and fairly common, to be honest.
On top of that the opposite side of these fantasies is also fairly common in men so it is pretty easy to find a guy to explore these fantasies with. The bad side is that is possible to find guys who will not know how to explore this safely.
I would suggest you explore Reddit, quite easy to find subreddits focused on this kind of kink, and also look for a therapist, not because there is anything wrong with that but because a good therapist will help you come to terms with this kink in a healthy way.
Again nothing wrong with you or with this kink in general as long as it involves consenting adults.
Stay safe and enjoy your fantasies!
There’s no reason not to accept it.
You like what you like, and it’s not harming anyone else against their will.
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You don’t need to be ashamed of these fantasies. However, if you want them to happen in real life, you will need to share them with your partner. (Particularly the part about making you do things when you say no. Learn about consentual non-consent (CNC) and having a safe word.)
Join Fetlife. Indicate that you have a DDlg kink. Profit.
This is basically called humiliation kink. A pretty normal kink for both men and women. Comes under bdsm. You can find a lot of men who want to do this,but people who aren’t in this kink won’t be able to do that. But it’s pretty easy to find men with such kinks in any bdsm group.
Go check out r/bdsmcommunity !
This is like, the last 5 women I slept with. It’s typically the women who have a lot of responsibility and stressful jobs in real life. Nurses in particular. It makes sense that they would express themselves sexually this way.
In order to have sexual compatibility with someone who has these needs, how important is it for the partner to enjoy fulfilling them? What kind of person enjoys doing that to people?
The way you conduct yourself on the outside world doesn’t have to suffer because of sexual wants. I’m sure you’re a great person and you need to lean into the fact that you have desires.
Tell him what you want and like, I learned most guys are receptive to this
We accept your sexual preference so I hope that helps you to do it.
I would begin by seeing a therapist who specializes in this area. I say this, not because there is something wrong with this kink, it can be quite fun and very satisfying. I say this because you do not want this coming from a place of self degradation and/or self shaming.
If it’s just a king, full speed ahead. However, if it is because you feel shame or hate for yourself, maybe even unaware of it consciously, yes, that’s a thing, then you will want to work that out first.
Fantasy is fine, but you need to love yourself and know that you are worthy of respect.
Go to Fetlife.com and make a profile. Put in your location, then use the search bar and type in your kink. There will be people in your area who are into it or know someone who is.
Fetlife is social media for kinky people kinda like Facebook, but better.
There’s nothing wrong with liking any of that.
It sounds like a mix of free use, degradation kink, a daddy kink and CNC. As long as everyone involved are adults and consenting then there is absolutely nothing wrong with ANY of it. Just make sure there’s plenty of communication when doing this stuff.
This is not at all uncommon. Some of the strongest and most independent women I’ve known in public are some of the most submissive women I’ve known in private.
Some have told me that it’s the stressors of their day so when it comes to the bedroom they’d just rather turn their mind off and take direction some to the point of exactly what you described
Check out r/BDSMAdvice
There are guys out there that will treat you the way you want to be treated. I would if I knew you. You just have to keep looking.
I’ve met lots of girls who grew up without dads and they have a different kind of relationship with men, a lot like yours. I think you just need to accept that your relationships with men will be different than girls who grew up with more traditional families and that’s ok.
My ex partner was similar. It took a few months for her to open up about what she liked – but it was almost exactly the things you describe. Outside of the bedroom, she was completely strong-willed, independent, successful, and very much a feminist and I always had the absolute utmost respect and admiration for her and still do. None of her sexual fantasies changed any of that.
Those things aren’t incompatible in any way.
What you like is normal and you will find many men who absolutely love that stuff. Nothing to be ashamed about. Good luck 🙂
r/BDSMAdvice
Honestly a lot of powerful men are like this too.
I dont comment ever on stuff. But I completely get you here. It’s definitely hard to accept who you are but its not impossible. The kinks you ahve and your sexual preferences are fairly more common than you think. Theres no need to be embarrassed of what you feel or want. I hope you find someone who can give you all youre looking for and trust me there are people like this out there. I myself have struggled so much with accepting myself and what stuff im into because it was never considered normal but then you cant help it. It is what it is and its you, theres nothing wrong with that. Anyone who ever shames you or makes you feel bad about who you are and what you like, fuck them. This makes you who you are and that’s completely fine. I hope you accept who you are and embrace that part of yourself.
I think you would be surprised to learn how common this is. If you learn how to communicate these desires and pick a partner who wants to help you fulfill them, you will be very happy.
Bdsm is super common. Find someone open minded who loves you.
It’s a very common thing to be into sexually. However, it takes a lot of strong communication (from both parties) to engage in safely. Let them know what you’re into and go from there. The kind of guys who will unilaterally introduce this dynamic in the bedroom, which might seem appealing as you don’t need to say anything, aren’t the kind to keep it inside the bedroom, if you get what I mean.