My husband and I have been together for 15 years. We are very happy together and trust each other completely. An old friend of mine who I used to spend a lot of time with has recently become distant, not replying to messages or returning phone calls, not showing up to group events with friends etc. Several months ago she confronted me and claimed that I was mad at her because I thought something was going on between her and my husband. I was completely confused about this because I don’t think anything of the sort. She gave me some examples of times I became upset and I barely even remembered the times she was talking about because I was not upset, and she completely misread the situation. She would not listen to me when I tried to say I didn’t feel that way, and kept telling me that she didn’t believe me. Eventually, I thought we worked it all out but I have just been made aware that she is still telling our mutual friends that I hate her and I’m jealous of her friendship with my husband. She has stopped talking to me again.
I am 100% positive that my husband is not interested in her and I have never felt jealous about their “friendship”… I honestly wouldn’t even call them friends, they do not talk to or see each other outside of group events that I have invited her to. The entire idea is ridiculous and I don’t know how to convince her that I don’t feel this way. I’m also starting to wonder if maybe she has feelings for my husband and is acting like this out of guilt. It is really unfortunate because we used to be best friends and spent a lot of time together, but now I feel like she’s acting a little crazy and I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around her. Should I try and convince her again that I don’t hate her? Or should I just let the friendship dissolve?
TLDR: My friend thinks I hate her and am jealous of her and my husband, but I am not. Not sure if I should continue trying to repair the friendship.
2 comments
There is absolutely no way you can prove that you are not jealous.
If she can’t believe your words, then she just simply doesn’t trust you or respect you.
Her thinking you are jealous of her is all in her head and all her issues. There is nothing you can do to fix that.
I’d just wash my hands of this person. Life is to short for this childish behavior.
Or she trying to tell you that your husband is cheating on you with her without actually saying that they are having an affair.
I don’t think there’s a friendship left to repair here.
I would give it time and distance, and see if she reaches out. You have done all you can, from trying to work things out, talking it through with her, but she didn’t listen, and continues to keep her distance. Having to walk on eggshells around someone is no way to maintain a healthy friendship.
You might be correct that your friend does have feelings towards your husband and is acting this way out of guilt. If so, she’s not going to admit it. It’s easier to blame you for being jealous of her.
I’d let this friendship go for now. If she comes back later, you can decide if you want to resume the friendship.