For the longest, I can remember, I’ve never had a lot of friends, and whenever I did, these friendships did not last too long or we don’t talk after sometime (usually when we are not in the same class).
I decided to think why because my other friends have close connections with other people, and I figured it was me because I do not text/hang out with people unless I have a question about class, if it is a friend’s birthday, or occasionally commenting and liking a friend’s social media stories or posts. For some reason, I am a bit more social during school, and during winter/summer break, I tend to isolate myself from my friends, which is a bad habit of mine and another reason why I do not have many friends. Also whenever I do talk to my friends, I tend to observe and listen rather than talk myself and am really boring and quiet most of the time so it makes me think my friends don’t really have an idea of what I am like. My friends have other friends they prioritize, which I do not blame them for because if I was them I would not prioritize me either and I do nothing for my friends to prioritize me. I even asked my mom if she has an idea and she thinks because I am uninterested in conversations.
I do not want my friends to think I don’t like them or only friendly for convenience or uninterested in anything they have to say. I enjoy spending time with them, but at some certain points, I don’t have the desire to socialize, or if I see my friends too many times (such as everyday), I get annoyed. I also want to make more friends. I’m in my third year of college and I only made one friend. How do I be fun and socializing with people and not make them think I am friends for convenience/for the sake of having a friend or just for being in a class together? How do I socialize with other people and make genuine, long-lasting relationships? I feel so out of place seeing people being friends or in friend groups talking to each other and I am the odd one out.
ps: i’m sorry if this post is a mess
2 comments
Idk man just be content with yourself and share that funergy with people, the right ones will connect with you
Yeah, I am very much like you. I found out I become better friends with people after our common thing ends. As long as I’m meeting them regularly in school/work/course/wherever, I talk to them there and have no desire to spend more time with them. But when our common thing ends, I usually wanna stay in touch with at least someone, so I have to put in the work. For that just create some program in your head:
A person crosses your mind -> has it been a month since you talked to them last? -> if yes, is there a reason for such delay -> if not, text them.
You’re making a plan to do something specific at a specific time -> do you have the mood and energy for some socialization -> if yes, try to think of someone you know, who would enjoy the activity you’re planning -> if you can’t, try to think of someone who might be in the vicinity of where you gonna do the thing -> ask if they wanna get a beer after you’re done.
Just try making it as painless and convenient for you as possible.