How did it turn out? I’m in my 30s and dating someone much older. We want a family but I’m worried about his age, he would be in his late 40s when we start trying

30 comments

  2. My dad was 39 when I was born and 45 when my brother was born. A little different cause there was 1 kid in the picture before 45. But he and my brother have a great relationship. They bonded over sports, and music. I would say the one down side for us was career and life advice we got going into college was out of date by about 10-20years. We’re both doing well though. He was always supportive, and there for us. I think the one downside for him is he’s 72 and only now able to consider retirement with both his kids finally done with grad school.

  4. My dad is over 50, remarried, and had 3 more kids in the last several years. His wife is a bit younger but they seem to be doing fine. He’s still healthy and working full time with an established and successful career.

  5. Just for some input in the ballpark, I was 42 when my now-2yo was born. Don’t quite have the energy I used to, but I think that’s in large part because kids are generally exhausting! Not like I’m struggling to keep up with them, I’m just a bit more tired with it. Friend of mine is now 52 I think, with kids 4 and 6 – again, it’s tiring but he’s taking it in stride, he’s not dilapidated!

    Health and attitude and being with the right person matter more than specific age. Countless depressing stories online of people of all ages who have kids with someone who turns out to be a shit dad and shit partner. Way better to find the right person for you who’s a great parent and take the age-related stuff as it comes. Yes there’s a scale, rather than a hard limit – no doubt a 60yo would struggle! But “late 40s” isn’t what it was in the past, if he’s otherwise healthy and active. And perfectly possible to have kids with a healthy 30 year old whose health then goes downhill at a young age! No guarantees in life, all any of us can do is make the best choices we can and hope for the best.

  6. I would worry about retirement and putting a kid through college in my 60s. In theory he should be at hieght of his earnings but the expenses of college would push back retirement plans. If your stinking rich, then ignore this.

  7. Mid 40s here with a toddler. We’re best buddies and couldn’t be happier. Age is a double sided coin: yes, getting older can cause physical changes which can challenge things, but the flip side is that I have so much more to offer now. Wisdom, patience, experience, empathy are all way higher now than 20 years ago. And my kiddo benefits from that. And my career is at an all time high, so money is solid and we get to do lots of special things together that my broke ass 23 yr old self could never afford. And my kiddo inspires me to do more, be more, and live more. All while helping to motivate me to take better care of myself so I can spend more time with them. So much of getting life “right” is a state of mind. This is no different

  8. I just had my first kid at 43. She’s 6 months now and I’ve sometimes had sadness that I didn’t do this sooner, but at the same time 5 years ago I was working so many hours that I would barely have been present. Now I need more sleep, but I work from home and see her all day every day.

  9. My dad was 46 when I was born. He was always an old man to me. A nice man but honestly he was too old to be a proper father in my opinion. No problems between us but that is the reality of the situation. I am 36, he is now 82.

  10. I was 47 and my wife was 39 when our son was born and we couldn’t be happier. There is a lot to be said for a kid growing up with older parents. He once said to me, I’m glad you guys have already been through your “stuff” so I don’t have to go through it with you. He is now only 26 and is highly successful. He and his fiancee (today as a matter of fact) are flying to Greece to get married and honeymoon there. So, to answer your question, it turned out great!

  12. Men over 35 will have their sperm start to deteriorate, making it harder to fertilize an egg as they age further. There is also a growing chance for birth, mental, or physical defects to occur as well.

  15. I was 45 when my son was born. I’m 48 now and we’re working on number two. It’s been great! What are your concerns when it comes to his age?

  16. I was almost 42 when I had my first, and 46 with my second. (I’m 48 right now) … I don’t see how it created any problems, other than my kids friends thinking I was his grandfather. ( 🤬 )
    I take care of myself and am fit, so I can keep up. I like to think I’m more patient than a younger version of myself would have been.
    I have benefitted from a long time being able to do exactly what I wanted, so I have no regrets putting that behind me. It’s life 2.0 , and just as I start feeling old, the kids make me feel young.
    I’d rather be an old Dad, than an under 25 one. I couldn’t imagine that guy managing kids.

  17. One of my son’s classmates parents waited til they were late 30s, like 38-39 to have kids. They’re in their 50s now running around doing sports for both, one is a dancer in the HS band and they’re probably a bit more tired than those of us in our 40s but otherwise no big issues that I know of.

  18. I’m 39 about to have my second, first one is almost 4. I think past 45 is too old to have kids, and I’m in great shape and work out. DEFINITELY too old when you’re 50 and spending sleepless nights with a fussy newborn.

  19. Most men don’t know that their quality of sperm decreases as they age. With the decrease comes issues like mental health issues schizophrenia etc.

    Make sure you get tested for your ovarian reserve and he should get tested for the actual quality of his sperm.

    Also, most men don’t know where their psych disorders stem from. So, hearing, “my dad had me at 60 and I’m healthy”! Doesn’t tell you the full picture of said healthiness.

    You guys both need constant testing.

    /u/the_skintellectual

  20. Yes. 44 when we had our first. Trying for another at 46. My wife is 5 years younger.

    I panic a bit about my age. My father was 20 when I was born. Being that young was challenging for him, but I really liked playing sports with him, etc.

    I have one cousin who’s dad was 44 when she was born. She’s out of university now and is a ridiculous overachiever. She really helped to reassure me that I would be ok.

    My health, for obvious reasons, has become a priority. I’ve always been active but I really ramped it up since he was born. So far so good. He loves going for runs with me and today we did a short hike where he wasn’t in the backpack.

    I don’t feel my age, given my focus on healthy eating and exercise… but I’m still bald and wrinkly and prone to minor, lingering injuries that never would have slowed me down in my 20s.

    Happy to answer any questions and wish you all the best on your journey becoming parents 💙

  21. My brother just had his first kid two weeks ago, he’s 48. I think he royally fucked up. Kids gonna be graduating high school and he’ll be damn near 70 🤦🏿‍♂️🤦🏿‍♂️. I just don’t see him having the proper energy one should have to raise a child.

  23. I had my daughter when I was 34. I’m 42 now and she is 7. I stay active and keep healthy for the most part so it’s not a big deal physically. I’m also going at heart so we have fun. Honestly though, I wouldn’t have another now. If he’s not in good shape and taking care of his body and mind, I wouldn’t suggest it. But to each their own.

  24. Ok I will jump in as the oldest dad here so far (and shout-out to /r/oldmandad too). I’m 52. I have an 8mo son. My wife is 40.

    I do worry that he won’t like having a father who is significantly older, but all I can say is he is very wanted and very loved. He’s the absolute light of my life and I love everything about having him. Fatigue etc hasn’t been an issue yet. One thing I’m looking forward to is I will retire in 8 years and so when he’s 8 will get to be home full time with him. In the meantime he has parents who have a wonderful loving relationship and who have worked through all their psychological stuff, who are very financially comfortable, and who are active and responsive and engaged. He will just be very very loved.

    It saddens me to read the stories here about people who have had a negative experience with an old dad. I did a lot of reading and that doesn’t seem to be universal. Well all I can do is unconditionally love the stuffing out of him. And I plan to.

    I caught up with a slightly older friend on the weekend who had his first boy (now 5) at the same age as me. He now has two. It seems a really lovely family environment and let me tell you those are two very high energy kids!

    I’m cuddling him right now. I don’t have regrets. I hope he doesn’t either.

  27. The young childhood will probably be ok. But bro will be older than dirt when the kid goes off to college

  28. 53 with a 5 yo, second wife and she really needed/wanted her “last chance to be a mom again” so we have our happy little accident. It’s rough is all I can say, I’m fairly healthy and we are finically secure but the energy he has! It’s non stop, wanting/needing attention and can we go to the park. Daddy come play with me. I love him but I just wanna relax for an hour. Plus the kid stuff, whatever theme park/vacation you do is now kid focused. My oldest is 22 and man for a few years I thought I was done. Hey I’m gonna go to Paris for a few days, don’t wanna go ok well your 15 so yer fine for a weekend. I wouldn’t suggest having kids older but it really depends on the person

  29. My youngest was born when I was 49 and is 13 now.

    Worked out *great*. Thirteen is super-bright, super-funny, super-caring, and just a great human.

    They make the world a better place which was our hope and goal.

    The same is also true of my oldest, who is 34. So, I’m 2 for 2 but at 60+ years old I’m done.

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