I’m a kissless 35 yo M virgin. I grew up in a conservative church going household in the deep south. Abstinence until marriage was preached to me as a young teen. I also grew up incredibly smart and graduated valedictorian of my high school class with a free ride to the college of my choice. I try to get a girlfriend in high school but that doesn’t go so well when I tell her my feelings and creates a bit of scar. I don’t play sports in high school but go to the gym pretty regularly and have a close-knit group of friends. Start taking medication for anxiety during this time.
In college, I choose to stay close to home to be near my family and friends I made in HS. Make some friends in college, try to ask out a few more girls but get rejected by all. Start binge drinking and going to the gym more regularly.
Get in to medical school and make some friends, get to know some girls, still get rejected by everyone romantically. Drinking a good bit during this time but not enough to interfere with my studies. Slow down at the gym but still maintain healthy weight.
Finally decide to leave the south for residency in the hopes that I’ll have better luck romantically in a more progressive state. Residency hits me like a ton of bricks and I have very little time to do anything besides work. Stressed out all the time. Get to know a few girls during this time but things don’t really work out because of timing or my own hang-ups. Very distressed during this time and see a therapist. She provides me some tools that actually help and I still currently use. Start using the apps/speed dating events at this time with no luck. Get a dog during this time to help with loneliness.
GTFO of the place that’s killing me and move two more times for two fellowships to midwestern states. Focus on work. Still drinking but start going back to the gym. Make some friends during these moves but don’t really even try romantically. Off/on with the apps without any success.
Finally get a big boy job. Pay incredible. Pay off student debt within a year. Get back to the gym 5-6 days a week. Quit drinking. Saving for a home/vehicle upgrade. Not nearly as stressed/anxious as I used to be but some stress comes with the job as expected. Work about 45h/week. Go on vacation several times a year.
I have been living in a small college town now for less than a year to be closer to my aging parents as I’m their only surviving child. Have met some people at the gym, and asked one girl out with no luck.
I’m 5’8” and have been told that I’m good looking, hot even. I should point out that during these times I have had some girls come on to me, but I was never really attracted to them and was not interested in having sex with them. I guess I qualify as a “choosy male” although I always considered it more “having standards”. I’m proud of the body I’ve worked hard for and the financial situation I’ve created for myself, but I feel like romantically I’ve been denied more than I should have been considering all the things I have going for me. I’ve given up on the apps because they seem like a depressing game now that nothing serious can come from.
I listen to podcasts/peruse reddit regularly and occasionally this topic of older male virgins or inexperience with relationships comes up. It makes my blood boil to hear that many women would consider this a “major red flag” or “major concern” and it makes me anxious that I will be rejected by someone for having a lack of experience (but not for lack of trying). Despite everything I think I have a pretty healthy relationship with women on the whole and try to tell myself that everyone has their own timing. I probably won’t ever give up pursuing women I’m interested in completely as I find the thought of that unbearable. In the meantime, I continue to work on myself to be the best person I can be in the hopes that things will work out the way they’re supposed to when the time is right.
If I do get involved in a romantic relationship I plan on withholding this information for as long as possible or lying my ass off if it’s someone I’m unsure about. If I ever come out the other side I’ve considered how I might turn this pain into a way to help others who may be having similar feelings, but I’m scared to dip a toe into that community until I have my own shit straightened out.
27 comments
Dont lie about it bro . You can just make thing even more complicated
If this worries you, then just go see some escorts, you have the money anyway.
You can search for some that are doing it independently and choose which clients they accept.
Then when you finally meet someone for real, at least you know what to do, and will not fuck up your chances for a stupid reason.
lol just hire a prostitute man. do everything you want. it will be liberating. if youre uncomfortable start with a massage and work up from there
this is such a dumb thing to be worked up about when the answer is really easy. I can’t help you with romance friendo, but I can tell you you should’ve paid for it like 10 years ago and then you wouldn’t be posting essays on here. best of luck — hope it all works out
Im 30F. Virgin. Hahaha will try hosto.
Can you clarify what you mean by saying “I feel like romantically I’ve been denied more than I should have been”? I don’t want to jump to conclusions about what you mean there, but that phrasing makes me a little… I don’t know, but it seems off. That’s generally the kind of language people use when they feel entitled to something and aren’t getting it.
I’m not trying to say that’s you without getting more information, but that word choice does kind of create the implication.
You can always practice talking to a girl with me and asking them out in your environment when you’re comfortable enough
Bro, you said you were in a church going family… have you talked to Jesus about this issue? Have you asked for a wife?
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Being a virgin is *OKAY* and it isn’t something *ANYONE* should be ashamed of.
If you’d rather have someone experienced, cool. But no one should ever be shamed for being a virgin. It’s not a “red flag”. There are many more contexts where it would be a product of upbringing rather than a “red flag”
Bruh be yourself. Own the shit. If it’s due to your relationship with Big J awesome. I dated a virgin older than yourself. It was zero problem
I’m 41f and in a similar boat. I didn’t wait bc of religion but just bc I wanted a real connection/relationship with the person and it just hasn’t happened.
I totally get not wanting to tell a person that you’re inexperienced. I don’t think I’d be upfront about it if I found someone I clicked with. After waiting this long to find a real connection I’d be too scared to push someone away. I’d probably just say it’s been awhile or I didn’t have much experience.
It sounds like you have your life together and that is attractive. I am sure a great woman is out there for you—you just haven’t found her yet. Sending hugs! It’s tough. Feel free to dm if you want to vent.
You are a 5’8 doctor that is not ugly (your own words) and sounds like a sane reasonable person. With these qualities women who would red flag you just based on lack of experience are likely not women you’d want anyways. Especially considering a lot of your inexperience is due to religion and career development, it’s not like you played video games for 2 decades and have nothing to show for it. You’ll be alright
Hi, I feel your struggle! I recommend reading the book Attached by Dr. Levine and Hellyer. It’s about h how are attachment styles effects our dating behavior. Through this book and or seeing an attachment therapist you can meet your romantic goals. I’ve read the book and it’s helpful!
Let me know if you end up reading it and if you find it helpful. It’s at easy fast read.
You don’t have to lie about it, if a girl won’t accept you for who you are and what you are then there is no point honestly. If your honesty will push girls away, the good side is you won’t have fake girls around. You’re doing your best now to make things better romantically, I’m sure the right one will come out. Maybe you should just take a break or a step back to process all what’s going on where you are progressing and where you are still stuck in.
I’m a 31 year old virgin I am just a late bloomer things just didn’t happen to me at a young age I wasn’t dating much . I struggle with the dating scene because I haven’t experienced what everyone else has experienced in love . I have a more romantic idealization that one day the right man will sweep me on my feet and I’ll get married and have a family . But a lot of people laugh at my belief in love because they have experienced a lot of disappointment. Being a late bloomer on top of that makes me feel overwhelmed at times because I don’t have that experience. People due tend to shame us virgin who aren’t into just having sex in a casual way. I have seen men ridicule me because I don’t want to have sex right away . There is times the social pressure can get to you and you tend to abandon your own values to try to fit into a certain mold of society . For a while I tried acting like these women who are more sexually adventurous and flirty . The only fans model type of women i saw in my life always getting dates . I thought that what I had to be in order to be successful in a relationship. Due to the pressure of finding someone I ended up talking to people who didn’t match my level of interest in being in a serious relationship. I let other people pressure of finding somebody make me want to settle down with someone that wasn’t right for me. I now had to rework my way of thinking and find my own interest in life. I believe sometimes when you are into your own hobbies you might run into some one who likes the same interests as you . Try to do local dating events just to get out and see what you want . Just find someone with similar belief like you . I bet there are Christian women who want the same things as you .I think we all have our own reason as late bloomers of why we are single . I don’t see it as a. Red flag if the man is a good person. I met people who were virgin the red flag was the fact they didn’t respect women and they tried to force themselves on women. They had a passive aggressive attitude towards women for being a virgin was the issue . I personally don’t care if the man hasn’t had a sexual relationship that isn’t the big deal. I think big red flags is how they treat there friends and family members. If the person isn’t nice to people they know they aren’t going to be nice to you as well . I try to avoid people who mistreat people because they think they are better than other people. Just avoid people who treat other people badly . I have this trick that I do sometimes I’ll give the person a compliment if the man is gracious about it and smile it’s a good indicator of there personality. If you meet someone and you give them a compliment and they are stuck up about it and have a rude attitude than you know how they are going to be . I usually look at someone and I pay attention to them when they turn there face around when they are faking their personality there mask will fall off and they will have a completely different personality. They usually show their dark side. See how the person body language is if they are leaning toward you and smiling a lot at you then you know they really like you . You can go to events where you have a higher chance of meeting women
Please don’t hire a prostitute. You’ll meet someone. Have you tried those religious dating apps? Or maybe church. My ex was really religious and after we had sex asked me to marry him. It had only been like three months. He felt guilty. I said no. When we broke up he was married six months later. I have a feeling he waited with her. They met through church. I imagine you’ll find someone that will understand and want to wait to get to know you before having sex. You don’t have to tell them right away or ever that you’re a virgin, I usually don’t talk about the number of partners I’ve had EVER. That’s my business. Rejection is just part of trying. If you don’t ask you’ll never know. You have a good career, you’re not short, you say you’re good looking, you work out and you sound like a catch.
I didn’t read all that, but if you live in a town or city.
Download tinder, buy the membership for a week. Swipe right on everything. Go through the matches the next day, meet up with one of them and most likely the title of this post will change or you’ll get a kiss the least.
Tinder – hook ups
Bumble – relationships
Hinge – relationships/hook ups
Sounds like you’ve built yourself an incredible life and career and are now ready for a wife. Subconsciously you probably still hold true those values you were taught and that’s why you’re ‘picky’ and won’t be with just anyone. Don’t approach women you aren’t attracted to and don’t approach women just because an opportunity presents itself. I think you know the kind of woman that you’ve always dreamed about and when you find her you’ll be filled with supernatural boldness and she will appreciate you that much more for not compromising yourself.
Hey man, if I could say anything it would be to read a book called How to Not Die Alone. (This is not sarcasm, it’s a real book). It has a lot of exercises to analyze your own approach to dating and see what your doing well/poorly. Idk enough about you to give real advice but I bet a read would help.
Bro call a prostitute it’ll change ur life fr
You don’t have to lie to women you ask out but you don’t have to be completely upfront about the whole situation either.
If I was writing your tinder bio I’d say something like “Up to this point in my life I was busy with med school, residency and establishing my career, so I haven’t had time for relationships or dating. Now I’m established, working shorter hours with plenty of time to hit the gym, go on vacation and hang out with friends and family – including my dog. All that’s missing is someone to share the good times with!
Took some time off from online dating to work on myself and get therapy. I’m ready to jump back in and find someone at the same point of life as me – swipe right if you’re interested in exploring a future together”
You’re 5’8 (decent height) , have good muscle size as you claim, a doctor, goodlooking. Women should be rushing you like crazy.
All those things you listed are materialistic things. Youre hot, rich, good body. But what about your personality? Are you a asshole? Do you only ever talk about work? It doesnt matter how hot or rich you are, if your personality isnt good at all then im not going out on a date with you
I don’t think women care about this. I think is better to be with someone virgin than some guy that has been with too many girls.
Plus you are doctor, call me 😜
You’re good with your life. Your career game, hobbies, life attitudes and interests are fully ok. I’m sure you’ll find someone. Just try. And try befriend girls first.
I’m 38 I am female I haven’t had many partners. I get picked on by guys when I say I have been with 4 men. Like it’s something to make fun of. You shouldn’t be ashamed of being a virgin. It’s not easy dating now anymore anyways. Everyone either wants a hookup or just sex. Finding a relationship is like a needle in a haystack. I wish you luck
2 questions:
1. Why is your username Sorry I’m Taken?
2. Do you have a strong definition of the kind of person you are looking for? Because if you know what you want, it’s easy to recognise it when you see it, rather than “trying with no luck ” I would advise you to think long and hard about the kind of woman you want yo spend the rest of your life with, and then make your request known to God.
There’s a lot for you to learn from reading your post. I can recommend some YouTubers to watch, and I will say the more videos you watch, the more you will know what to do in XYZ situation 1—anthonyspade reactions 2. Manosphere highlights daily 3. Black Filipino TV 4. Legion of men 5. You are living a life of abundance. 6. Mj get the correct 7. Fbe capital 8. Modern life dating 9. ReplicantPhish 10. Tailor the fiend 11. The tribe cast 12. Tribe report 14. The celebrity junk 15. Oshay duke Jackson 15. Mediocre tutorials and reviews
The funniest YouTuber here is living a life of abundance, so have your popcorn ready. If you want to go deep, check out MJ Get Right and Anthonyspade reaction videos from two years ago, and everyone else brings a unique flavor to teaching you about the dating scene with women.
In 6 months or less, your brain will generate all the answers you are looking for once you have enough information from all the videos you watched of every possible dating situation you saw
If you drive, then try to play a few videos to listen to. You’ll learn a lot faster. Get a second phone like I did if you need to separate GPS from what you are playing.
Another option I am doing is changing your dating app locations to the Philippines and watching all the young, hot, good women who will match you. Right now, focus on getting a remote job so you can date over there. Stop wasting time and money here.
Lastly, read the comments under each video; you may learn a thing or two from other men’s mistakes. And each youtuber has thousands of videos so i suggest you go down the list and look at titles to see which one seems more important for you to learn about in the given moment. Plus you may find some secret gems/knowledge hidden inside some videos.