There seems to be decreasing number of male teachers in schools ,a lot of households without a father present ,young boys growing up in environments without a positive male role model.

29 comments

  2. Boys that grow up without fathers will often times not be able to contain impulses, and act out during their teenage years. It’s absolutely a problem and if you’re a man that abandons your children you should be arrested.

  4. You raise yourself

    Therefore the only way to learn is through failing multiple times until you get it right.

    No knowledge or advice on women.

    Anger, frustration

    – Also mental toughness and a desire to never give up

    50/50

    Chip on the shoulder, but also you’re mentally harder than other men.

    The big one is – no clue or guidance with women.

  5. Father set boundaries and goals. They understand that a boy’s energy has to be channeled and not controlled if they are to succeed. You’ll find the same with men teachers. Mother like to control and manage their children. Although we hear the term “helicopter parents” is is almost always a mother. A father will let the child fail, pick him back up and send him on his way telling him to try harder.

    If you have a son and there is a male teacher available for his grade in school, find a way to have him transferred in to that class.

  6. Boys without fathers have no idea how to interact with other men. They also, in my experience, aren’t good at emotional regulation.

  7. I can’t regulate myself too well. I do risky and impulsive shit.
    The *only* thing that stops me in my tracks is someone fucking giving me the truth, straight & severe.

    In a harsh & what I imagine, fatherly way – it works on me like magic.

    Otherwise I’m lost.

  8. As a fatherless man. I can definitely co-sign the “raising yourself” points.

    I can’t speak about anyone else’s mom, but mine was very aware of her own ignorance when it comes to men, male experiences, etc.

    But rather than trying to learn for herself as best she could from men, she just tried to outsource the need for guidance to others when she could. “A woman can’t raise a boy to be a man” thinking. Which I think is very reductive. But if this is how you think it definitely becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

    I thank God every day that I wasn’t the type of kid who was really impressionable and eager for validation because a lot of the men she liked to me be around were not good models. For one reason or another.

    The best model I had was my Grandfather and even then, he was more of a supplement to my development as a person rather than a full on model of what to be.

  9. Usually I can’t relate to them. Male bonding is a learnt skill and its immediately obvious if a guy doesn’t know how it works. As a result I think a lot of them end up socially isolated from men and often angry at other men.

    I also find they are usually more emotional and unstable in life on average. Likely because they are going through life unable to fit in and at a bit of a disadvantage compared to their peers.

  11. > What kind of issues does lack father figure/father create

    The correlation between lack of father figure and increased likelihood of criminality has been known for literal *decades* now, and there’s a lot of research backing it up.

    https://www.mnpsych.org/index.php%3Foption%3Dcom_dailyplanetblog%26view%3Dentry%26category%3Dindustry%2520news%26id%3D54

    The outcomes and impact are not good.

    At least from what I’ve read, absent fathers and otherwise single-parent households has a disproportionate statistical negative effect on boys compared to girls.

    This is the first one I came across on a quick google, but it was interesting reading the actual report (linked PDF on the page).

    https://ifstudies.org/blog/disentangling-the-effects-of-family-structure-on-boys-and-girls

    Some quotes from the report itself:

    > Furthermore, the presence of black fathers in a neighborhood and a measure of racial animus are the two strongest predictors of mobility rates for black boys. This doesn’t discount the importance of policy but rather makes the point that cultural factors are also critically important.

    .

    > Several recent studies indicate that growing up outside a family with two biological, married parents yields **especially negative consequences for boys as compared to girls**, including worse educational outcomes and higher rates of criminal involvement.

    .

    > A detailed look at three recent studies contextualized by broader evidence reveals the emerging consensus that **the absence of a biological father in the home yields especially negative consequences for boys**. These consequences are seen in disruptive and delinquent behavior, and they persist into adult educational attainment and employment.

    .

    > Wasserman describes mechanisms that may link family structure to children’s outcomes, in terms of both the main effect and gender differences. These include same-gender role models (in the household and in the neighborhood), parental resources (income and other), parenting quantity/quality (including parental time allocation by child gender), and the differential responsiveness of boys to parental inputs, among other hypotheses.

    .

    > Researchers have only recently begun to study the mechanisms that lie behind boys’ and girls’ differential responses to family structure. The evidence so far indicates that gender gaps in resources within the family—such as parents’ time—don’t vary meaningfully across family structures. And to the extent that boys and girls are allocated different resources in the family, **these differences don’t appear to account for boys’ particularly negative response to growing up outside a two-parent home.**

    .

    > In assessing how family structure could affect boys’ and girls’ outcomes differently, we look within family environments, seeking differences by child gender in the provision or allocation of inputs. Do boys and girls have different experiences, even in the same family structure category? Alternatively, are there gender differences in the benefits derived from inputs? That is, do boys and girls have different responses to similar family environments? I’ll also discuss how mechanisms external to the family can cause family structure to have different ramifications for boys and girls.

    .

    > **In summary, recent evidence consistently shows that two-parent married families confer differential benefits for the behavioral, educational, and labor market outcomes of boys relative to girls. The disproportionate effects of family structure appear as early as age five, when children are assessed for kindergarten readiness. Though the effects are primarily concentrated among behavioral outcomes, including school suspensions and delinquency, we also have evidence that such effects persist into adulthood, as measured by high school completion and employment at age 30.**

    There’s more. A lot more. It’s worth a read. There’s a lot of theory as to *why* it’s happening, but there’s no real doubt that there are factual differences as a result. In particular, I would recommend page 67 onwards (“Evidence that Family Structure Affects Boys and Girls Differently”).

    The report refers primarily to boys children growing up outside of a standard 2-parent model, however the vast majority of these are fatherless homes. And that regardless of whether it’s fatherless or motherless home, boys are *disproportionately* affected compared to girls.

    There is disproportionate affect to boys that are raised in two-parent families compared to girls. Statistically, boys lose out more with absent parents.

    EDIT: From Harvard:

    https://scholar.harvard.edu/files/hendren/files/mobility_geo.pdf

    > The fraction of children living in single-parent households is the single strongest correlate of upward income mobility among all the variables we explored, with a raw unweighted correlation of -0.76 (see Online Appendix Figure XIIa for the corresponding non-parametric binned scatter plot).

    Again, talks about single parent families but the vast majority of those are fatherless families.

  12. You grow up feeling like a burden because, by definition, your dad thought it better to leave than to stay.

  13. Idk if my opinion should count since I technically had a father figure, but I completely rejected him and my mother figure as a kid. Tbf as a kid I rejected every parental figure… mom abused me, I thought if I accepted any parental figure that I’d just be hurt again….

    But I pretty much raised myself in my head. I specify “in my head” because my adoptive parents did have a lot of sway on me. With that came a lot of social issues. Lot of impulsive issues. Lot of mental issues, and so on. Thinking about it I was just a messed up kid in general….

    Imo a kid needs both a good mother figure and good father figure early in life. It’s still very important later on in the kids life but I feel like it’s most vital during the earlier years.

  14. Mental illness

    More likely to be a criminal

    More likely to be a drug addict

    More likely to be unemployed

    Less likely to graduate high school or get a post secondary education of any kind.

    More likely to get over medicated by an overaggressive public school system

  17. The man who raised me (my true father) had his father pass away at a young age. Everyone who meets him considers him one of the nicest and most caring people they’ve met.

    My biological father grew up with his father and my first memory is him choking my brother when my brother was six.

    That’s just my experience.

  18. In my experience, it mostly seems to lead to adopting a very stereotypical image of masculinity, mostly taken from pop culture depictions and masculinity gurus ranging from Jordan Peterson to Andrew Tate.

    I’m fortunate to have had a wonderful father who I could observe living out masculinity in all its nuances, including when to be kind, gentle, conciliatory, apologetic, etc. as opposed to just the dominance-driven stereotypes taught by those who don’t actually have to show the daily real-world practice of masculinity in their content and personas. I definitely notice my male friends who didn’t have a father figure growing up tend to fall much more into the low-nuance, all-or-nothing perspectives of masculine dominance as the masculine ideal.

  19. Masculinity in society as a whole suffers. Men become more individualistic and do not contribute as much to their communities. I’m certain that it affects our physiology too, our interactions with our fathers are full of hormones and are good for /exercises for our brain. Developmentally, individuals lose intergenerational skills that otherwise could give individuals an advantage: having someone to teach them experience-proven techniques.

  20. I didn’t really have one present n all my friends are girls Def not gay or anything I simply don’t like guys. I don’t like talking to them. I feel more comfortable around girls. I tend to hang around more room boyish girls, like talking to them. I date often and can always ask advice the girls advice as they obs know how girls think. They appreciate I can do guy stuff like fix cars or whatever.

  22. Emotionally unstable children without boundaries, they tend to have no sense of discernment or critical thinking.

    They are more likely to commit crime, more likely to develop mental health issues, less likely to succeed in education.

    There is no community without male guidance or leadership to some capacity. Whether it’s in the house or early education, Sports shows how a bunch of delinquent boys when under the leadership of Male coaches do better.

    The black community in the west shows you what happens when you remove men for whatever reason. It doesn’t end up with good results.

  24. Speaking from my personal experience my dad was there but he was more of a roommate than a dad he never spent anytime with me and emotionally abusive so I was always attached to my mom. So as a result I’m terrible at interacting with other men I barely know what to say while I’m more comfortable with talking to women.

  25. My parents divorced when I was 3, so I basically grew up never once seeing them both together and happy. My dad was around, he used to drive me to school and things like that. He was a nice person and rarely yelled or made me feel ‘less than’ the way my mum did. But he was a poor role model.

    He has no friends, he’s disheveled and looks like a hobo, has a hoarder mentality, lives in filth, probably has decades of severe untreated depression, never remarried (and in all likelihood, has never dated since the divorce). Was forced to retire in his early 50’s after taking a swing at a customer, had to go to anger management counselling and never got another job. Basically, he lives off his pension and is waiting around for his ill health to catch up to him.

    So, what issues did this create? Well as a kid, you don’t think any of that is ‘wrong’. I looked up to my dad because, well, *he’s my dad* and that’s what you do. I did take some of his more positive qualities, he always bought me books and inspired my love of reading (my mum has never read a fiction book in her life). He encouraged me in his own way, never tried to control me with fear and guilt the way my mum did.

    But I ended up as a very antisocial, very introverted kid due to the intersection of both my parent’s neuroses creating a perfect storm of anxiety and learned helplessness.

  26. I’m not sure if I would call it an issue but it made me grow faster and showed me the exact type of dad I did not want to be and I can say life has turned out great so far. I have a wife with two kids, a house, pretty happy, I have great friends that I’ve known for years that I honestly tell people they are my brothers probably also too because I didn’t have any. Small circle but small real circle. Just because you didn’t have a dad growing up doesn’t mean you decrease your chances of having this image of a life. If I had to do it again as crazy as it sounds I would do it again without him.

  27. Can speak from experience. My father was always working so mostly raised by my mother.

    I never learned how to interact with men so never had friends. I didn’t learn to control my emotion so became sensitive.

  28. I present to you exhibit A: The large and widely documented population of younger Gen-X and older Millennial males.

    That said, my experience is that the effects of father neglect on males perpetuates a lack of self-worth, a fear of emasculation, emulation of “traditional” masculine behavior, strained interpersonal relationships, etc., all due to the fact that they were not provided an adequate foundation from their father to know that they matter or how to express emotion within the social confines of being male.

    Their relationships may, therefore, subconsciously serve to garner the love, affection, and care that they didn’t receive in order to heal their psyche. They may also overcompensate the masculine void and identify as an alpha male. They’re typically unhappy adults, but they may be loving (albeit permissive) fathers to their sons.

    As an aside, I have a theory that the gender of the parent who made us feel the most worthless is also the gender we’re predominantly attracted to sexually.

    Further, if both parents failed to nurture healthy emotional bonds, then their offspring will likely gravitate toward either gender sexually, but lean toward the most affecting parent’s gender for relationships (and may float back and forth over the course of their life as their current closure/issues increase or wane).

    This theory is based on empirical evidence that my pattern-spotting brain has gleamed over the past 4 decades. Don’t quote me. I’m not diagnosing here, either.

  29. They learn a lot of shitty behavior and no one is there to show them otherwise. While I will never say the mother is worthless in these cases, it’s simply not the same and kids need solid examples of both what a woman and a man should be in their lives.

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