My (26f) bf (29m) puts me down and talks down to me a lot. We were getting ready to go to a wedding and minutes before he needed help putting on his suspenders. I have no clue and have never had experience with how suspenders works. It took me a long time to figure out how to clasp the clip and align it straightly. He started screaming at me that I’m too slow/don’t know how to do it right. He put me down so bad and acted as if it’s my fault I can’t figure out how to put his own freaking clothes on.
I’m sensitive and the way he made me feel automatically brought tears to my eyes. I had my makeup done and was in a beautiful evening gown trying not to mess my face up. This was MINUTES before we had to leave for a wedding. It killed me to put on a straight face the whole night. I know it’s a stupid fight over suspenders but I don’t understand why it’s my fault I don’t know how men’s formal wear works.
Whenever I confront him, I’m called “too sensitive and toughen up.” Should I just leave him?
TL;DR: my bf screamed at me minutes before leaving for a wedding cause I didn’t know how to put his suspenders on
13 comments
I would have been tempted to pull those suspenders back with all my might and let go.
Bet he’d learn to dress himself.
I’m sure that’s not the only time he screamed at you and been emotionally abusive. Yes, he is, and what are you going to do about it?
Your partner is emotionally abusive and you should leave him.
Here’s the thing.
1) he is emotionally abusive. End of.
2) even if you are very sensitive and even if the person doesn’t agree with you, they should have enough empathy to stop doing things that hurt your feelings. Just because it may not hurt their feelings (which I think it certainly would), does not mean it’s valid to treat people like that.
Everyone has a different threshold of what they can handle. It’s okay to be sensitive and the right person will protect your heart. This guy doesn’t care.
He didn’t yell at you because of the suspenders. He yelled at you because he thinks of you as his punching bag. Please leave him.
You’re right your partner is abusive.
There is nothing wrong with being sensitive, nothing wrong with wanting someone to treat you with respect.
You deserve better.
My abusive ex used to LOVE to launch an attack just as we were going to an event. Then afterwards, when I’d held it together to not air laundry, he’d attack AGAIN about how I was a phony hypocrite who smiled and laughed with everyone except him.
Get out.
Yes. You should just leave him. He is not capable of being a supportive partner and he doesn’t intend to work towards that.
He wants you to accept that however he behaves is your fault.
Leave now with your head held high. Watch for this bullshit behavior in future relationships and cut ties if you notice it.
Therapy and living your best life is the best reaction to this horseshit.
He’s screaming at you while he also doesn’t know? Maybe he should be screaming at himself for being so stupid and lazy he can’t even dress himself. He’s acting like a little toddler.
If this was a one time thing, he should’ve absolutely apologized and made it up to you, and i would’ve advised you that it may have been a red flag.
But every time you confront him on his behavior and he turns it around on you that you’re too sensitive? Yes, that’s emotional abuse.
If you cannot talk to you partner, at the very, very least you are incompatible. If they DARVO you (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender), then yes, that is emotional abuse.
The fact that you are asking is a sign
My heart goes out to you it’s such a horrible way to feel.
My ex was the same. Get out, it doesn’t get better I promise.
Yea this is typical abuse behavior
Yes, you should definitely leave him. His behavior is emotionally abusive and unacceptable. It’s not your fault that you don’t know how to put on men’s formal wear, and he should have been patient and understanding instead of yelling at you. Don’t let him dismiss your feelings by calling you “too sensitive.” You deserve a supportive partner who treats you with respect.