M22 gay. After my ex dumped me, broke my trust several times and everything I’ve been through in the past, I created a lot of fears, insecurities and “demands” that I would like in a future boyfriend. I’m going to leave them below and wanted you to give me your opinion if you think it’s reasonable or if it sounds a little controlling (I genuinely want to address this, if that’s the case):
– He shouldn’t smoke (dealbreaker)
– He should not drink, just a small amount and in appropriate situations (dealbreaker, in the beginning my ex only talked about drinking)
– He shouldn’t use snapchat (there were a lot of fights over snapchat with my ex, it’s not a dealbreaker but very close)
Some other things that are not dealbreakers but that I would really like to see happen:
– Have a private Instagram account and don’t post excessively
– Do not follow, like or chat with unknown men online
– Not wanting to get tattoos (personal preference)
– Whenever he goes out and it’s possible and reasonable for me to go too, invite me
Furthermore, he must treat me well and all those things already implied in a relationship, obviously.
So what do you think?
Tl;dr: I want your opinion if my demands for a future boyfriend, such as not smoking, not using snapchat… are reasonable
2 comments
> Do not follow, like or chat with unknown men online
> Whenever he goes out and it’s possible and reasonable for me to go too, invite me
These are the two that are “most” problematic. They’re the ones that smell like insecurity, and are going to be more work for the average person to handle.
Half the world is male, and it’s reasonable to find and meet people online through any number of avenues. If you trust your partner, you trust that they’ll behave in appropriate ways with other men.
Likewise, most folk want time away from their partners at some point. Even in marriage, it’s healthier for both people to have activities that don’t involve each other. It cuts down on codependency and makes sure you both have a healthy enough social net that you’re not relying entirely on your partner.
Everything else seems pretty standard to me. Depending on the subculture of your area and your interests, smoking/drinking/tattoos may be more difficult to rule out but there will always be *some* around. With drinking not being a hard ban and tattoos being a preference, I think you’ll be okay.
Those things seem reasonable to me, but this?
>>Whenever he goes out and it’s possible and reasonable for me to go too, invite me
Would be smothering to me. Ofc partners generally want to invite each other to things, but sometimes people want to go out and do things on their own.