I (F28) told my ex husband’s(M28) new baby mama his custody tricks. I’m hoping I made the right decision.
My ex husband recently got into getting women pregnant and dumping them. He started with me, but we were married. Within a few months of our divorce being finalized, he got a new girl pregnant and immediately dumped her. I didn’t like that because the girl is younger than us, and it felt like a really dirty trick. They’ve been together 4 months. Sure it was her fault too, but it seemed extra yucky because he’s a good 6 years older than her. She’s in her early 20s.
He refuses to pay child support, which I work around bc I make decent money. We have 50/50 custody due to the automatic law in Arkansas for married couples with children. He will not split bills or anything else with me. The new girl is a waitress who just moved in with her mom to make ends meet. I criticized him for dumping her because he said she just “wasn’t the one.” His immaturity about the situation annoyed me. I asked if he was going to pay her child support, and he said he can be a good father without paying child support. It made me angry so I typed up all the tips I could give her that I learned the hard way. I sent them to her and told her she could use the info or ignore it but that I felt she deserved to know.
The tips were like: “judges won’t take a breastfeeding baby from its mother so don’t use formula at the hospital so you have records of breastfeeding” and stuff like that.
I totally acknowledge that this is none of my business, but I went through it and I feel for her. He is manipulative and financially abusive. Should I have just let it alone?
He told me never to talk to her again but our kids are siblings. She also did not have any complaints about me talking to her. She didn’t even tell him what I said, but he’s jumping all over me about it. I don’t want to see that baby or the mother hurt the way we had to. We (my baby and I) struggled for a long time to get by.
24 comments
Scary behaviour from him. Glad you tried to help the girl out. Having someone’s kid is a huge deal.
Good for you! Your children will be siblings, that means a lot.
You should both be legally putting him on the hook for child support. Why aren’t either of you holding him accountable? If you don’t need the money save it for the kids college fund. The kids are entitled to it and you do them a disservice by letting him off the hook.
If you guys can talk civilly and keep him out of it.. as in both of you don’t mention to it to him what you guys even talk about.. I don’t see the issue. He can’t control if you guys are friends but I would definitely not bring up what you guys talk about, or that will stir the pot everytime.
I think you both of you should take him to court for child support. As for him demanding you never talk to her again, it’s a good thing he doesn’t get a vote on who you can talk to. Sucks to be him.
>He refuses to pay child support, which I work around bc I make decent money
What do you mean he refuses? Have you taken him to court over it? If not, why not?
Good for you. Can’t let this WishDotCom Nick Cannon get away with this crappy behavior.
50/50 means he should split costs including doctor bills, daycare etc. and time. If he does that then I don’t see any reason he should owe support for the child. But if he’s not holding up his end of the deal then he should owe something for sure, same with the new baby mama but that’s trickywhen the baby is young like that. Some people can be terrible partners and still be great parents, hopefully he does the right thing.
You’re a good woman. Your ex is an animal.
You a real one for that tbh
I’m currently forging a friendship with the woman in an ugly custody battle with my ex, so no judgement.
In my case, she reached out to me. She was looking for any info I could provide that might help her side. She also wanted to involve my DD19, who is estranged from her father.
We declined to be directly involved, but I offered to be her sounding board/person to vent to. She was happy to have that, as she doesn’t have much of a support network in our area.
I think you’re doing the right thing.
I would worry about myself and my child not anyone else his problems are no longer yours karma will get him !
This man is doing it on purpose. Keep talking to her! He doesn’t want you to talk to her because he doesn’t want you all helping each other.
Keep records of everything.
He can’t tell you who you can talk to. It’s a good idea that you keep in contact with her b/c you’ll both need to track his whereabouts in order to enforce child support orders. He’s an idiot. And if he keeps impregnating women & abandoning them with no child support he could eventually be arrested for being a serial deadbeat.
You, are what I like to call a “girls girl”.
I think it’s really nice that you helped. However, are you going to try and warn every girl he does this to? You shouldn’t have to babysit him for the rest of his life
There’s a big difference in child support and their share of bills.
Good on you, of course he’s pissed if he’s manipulative and financially abusive then isolating you both is in his best interests. Good on you for looking out for her coz your right they are family now.
Well it’s great you got a divorce as he sounds utterly useless. On the other hand surely he hasn’t got much of a leg to stand on regarding chid support for the other women. If she’s nice and cordial to yourself and you feel shit about the situation you could potentially offer support via fb or insta if you have her details and if she’s on those media’s.
Main concern that he ‘supports’ yourself and your child (to a degree) and that he’s attempting to skirt responsibility for this child. Which he maybe doing for now. Hopefully this other ex has her head screwed on and will file for sole custody and get payments from him. Considering his dad is in politics surely if x2 women come to court and say he’s now not paying the right amount (or doing the amount needed to fulfil his 50/50 custody agreement) the law will have to be on your side.
If she shows no ill intentions towards yourself or your child she could be a help in the future if you need to get courts involved again for lack of responsibility.
You did the right thing. I didn’t know about the breastfeeding thing. Can you share these tips? PM me if you have to.
I can’t believe you married the idiot. Honestly you don’t owe him a damn thing, so if you want to keep chatting with her, I wouldn’t judge either of you – but keep in mind that a paternity test is still wise (you never know).
Also: you both need to call a damn lawyer! Fuck him and his cheap ass. Sorry, but ditching daddies are not hot.
Very proud of you for blaming the man instead of getting vindictive towards the new woman. If more woman just compared notes instead of playing into the women being pitted against eachother trope, men couldn’t pull half the tricks they try to.
No, he screwd up! He made his bed! Let him lay in it!! You deserve better!!!
Well. I assume that advice about breastfeeding is true in your state. Only some states take in consideration if a baby is being breastfed. It’s getting to more and more judges are seeing breastfeeding as not as valuable as a fathers time with his baby. They say you can pump milk of you are that adamant to keep breast milk. They will also delve into whether or not a mother is using it as a weapon to keep the father away. I know everyone hates a bad man. But. The women need to take responsibility for their actions as well. They got pregnant and chose to keep the baby. And even if a man is a bad partner. Doesn’t mean he won’t be a good father. I am not saying your ex is a good father. Just in general. Men deserve time with their kids as well. No matter what they did to us. Aside from abuse. Cheating just makes him a lousy partner. My dad was a cheater. But he was an excellent father to his 3 kids he had with his 6th wife.