I (F26) was invited to my best friends (F27) and her fiancés (F25) party. The party started calmly, we played various board games while drinking. As the evening progressed, the other guests went home, but we wanted to go to the bar together to dance. On the dance floor, my friends fiancé suggested that we all would kiss each other.
I found this a very insulting suggestion because when I met my friend I had a crush on her (about 10 years ago). She never had a crush on me and eventually my feelings turned into friendship. I never showed or told about my feelings openly but I admitted them years later when we were already best friends without romantic feelings. My friend and her fiancé have been together for about 3 years. SHe is very aware of our friendship and my feelings in the beginning, which my friend and I have told her about. She also knows that I’ve been a victim of sexual violence, so I’m not very sexually open and I don’t show my feelings physically.
I refused to kiss either of them, but instead of them letting it be, my best friend started demanding a kiss as well. So finally I gave in and kissed my friend´s fiancé. She didn’t say anything about the kiss, but quickly demanded that I now kiss my friend while she watches. Although the whole situation felt strange, I kissed my best friend and hoped that the situation would be over quickly and we could continue the evening. After the kiss, my best friend praised the kiss by giving it a 9 (on a scale of 1-10). My friends fiancé started loudly wondering why I don’t kiss more people and why me and my best friend have never kissed before. I fled this conversation in the bathroom of the bar and quietly went home.
I don’t know how to bring it up with them or even how to look them in the eye anymore. I’ve taken a couple of days to clear my head. My friend and his fiancé thinks that I´m overreacting to perfectly normal drunken behavior. I feel hurt, mocked and embarrassed. How do I go about this? Am I overreacting and should just let it go?
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TL;DR My best friend and her fiancé pressured me to kissing them while drunk. They knew that I had feelings for my friend before their relationship and I have a background of sexual violence. Now I feel hurt and don’t know how to proceed.
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2 comments
What a weird suggestion. Your feelings are totally valid. I would take more time to figure out what you want to do. At a minimum, if that’s their drunken behavior I wouldn’t be around them if they are drinking. Send your friend a message saying you’re hurt and felt pressured and used and need some space.
From the way you describe it, it sounds like maybe something they had talked about doing in advance. Perhaps they hoped that drinking would be a good way to let the situation/fantasy play out. They miscalculated, assuming you’d be game in the present based on your confessed feelings in the past.
Explain your feelings were hurt. If she’s a good friend, she and her fiancee will both apologize. Ideally you can all move on.