Hi! I hope you can help me. I (26F) cannot forget my ex friend (28M) after 6 years no contact
We met in college and were friends for two years. We had been good friends, went together to class and I felt really good when I was with him and he felt the same way. We were both kind of shy and socially awkward so it just made sense to be friends.
So we were friends for two years, I had a boyfriend at the time who was also his friend. My ex boyfriend was really abusive and I broke up with him after dating for 1.5 years.
My friend of course noticed I was sad and I told him what happened. I noticed achange on his demeanor and even though at first it made me feel a bit weird (the fact that he was paying me much more attention, asked to go eat dinner together…) I felt like I really needed that, to feel cared for etc.
A week afterwards he said he liked me and I liked him too so we kind of started dating… but it was a huge mistake, he was not what I expected him to be at all and I did not like how the the situation was so I broke things off after 2 weeks. He was heartbroken and told me he could not be friends for some time which I understood.
We started to talk again, but again I felt like he thought it was leading towards a romantic situation again and I told him I could not do it (my ex was still living with me, he was pretty much there still and I was still traumatized from my previous relationship)
That friend kind of never gave up and was starting to be a bit annoying so I snapped and told him I didn’t want to be friends anymore. Not long after that I got back with my abusive ex and when my friend saw that he started avoiding me everywhere and deleted me on social media.
I felt really bad and tried to talk to him to apologize, but he didn’t want to talk to me anymore, so that was that, I never bothered him or talk to him ever again.
Now 6 years later I cannot stop thinking about him. Not in a romantic way but I really miss his friendship and talking to him.
I wish I could go back in time and just make things better.
I thought about witting him an email but at the same time if he really doesn’t want to hear about me it will be just annoying.
How can I forget this person after 6 years? Will I be overthinking this forever?
TL;DR I miss my old friend. We didn’t end on good terms as we dated briefly and I broke up with him. Would it be selfish if I contacted him again after 6 years?