Hello everyone, i hope you’re having a good day because i sure as hell I’m not.
I have been with my current girlfriend(19f) for over 6 months, she has been literally everything i ever dreamed off, her interests match mine, her sense of humour her, and she is the prettiest women that i have ever seen. The only problem is that we live in a country where the drug laws are very strict and she’s has become very much into weed and partlying since her best friend introduced to her, i have tried telling her that it is a bad idea before but she won’t listen to me
3 weeks ago i noticed that she was very much off, she wasn’t as bubbly and quirky as before, she seemed to just not talk much and joke as much aswell. I tried asking her about what’s wrong multiple times but she would just brush me off, until last week
She told me that her and her best friend had a huge fight that resulted in their friendship ending, her friend got very salty about so she sent many photos of my girlfriend smoking to her boyfriend who is an older man in law enforcement, and in turn the boyfriend contacted a friend of his that works in drug control. The agent waited for my girlfriend until she got out of university and arrested her, her drove her to the police station. And right infront of the police station her told her she could go with him the station and be put under custody and have her parents know about all the drug use and possibly face jail time, or she could pleasure him sexually. My heart was already pumping by the time that she told me this and my legs completely failed me when she told me that she did it.
It’s been almost 7 days now, i can’t eat. I can’t drink. I can’t stop thinking about it, every time I’m sitting by myself i just start to picture it, when i sleep i dream about it, I’m dying.
I’m a fairly straight man, i have never dove into drugs, never even smoked a cigarette but i went along with her weed business because i thought she was just having a phase, but this is different, just writing and thinking about it right now makes my hands shake
I tried to act cool for the first 3 days even tho it was killing me inside. I tried to convince my self that she was raped .. that she was abused .. but the more i thought about it i just think that he offered her a deal , and she simply took it. She tried initiating sex with me on the third day, but i just couldn’t do it. I used to think of her as the sexiest women but i can’t look at her the same anymore, it feels bad just saying that
I tried to discuss it with my two closest friends and their answer was to break up. I know it’s probably the right thing to do, but i just can’t let her go .. i love her. What do you think i should do ?
Edit : i apologies for misuing terms such as police officer instead of drug control, english isn’t my first language
13 comments
They don’t prosecute low level weed possession, let alone consumption if that’s what this is about, and the evidence is barely relevant. This is classical extortion and she would almost certainly never been prosecuted, you need to report this regardless.
This feels so much like a troll post. I mean if this is true your girlfriend got raped by a serious predator and that doesn’t even seem to be on your radar of serious concerns? Personally I’m skeptic about any ones claims or anything, nearly always everyone’s lying about something but how ever you spin that that’s rape, even she suggests it and the police obliged that’s still rape. You gotta be sick troll to joke about this dude.
Um, I just havn’t heard of anyone being arrested for pictures. You pretty much need actual drugs for an arrest. And the cop can be prosecuted under color of law. But you might want to just get out of a relationship with a drug dealer. Any way you slice it, she’s a dealer and the potential of you getting in trouble by association and maybe being considered a partner is there.
She was r’ped, she was abused. Man, being 19 and this naive again. I hope this man was reported, if not, do it.
People bring up that it was basically a scam as she wouldn’t have been prosecuted anyway. Whether it is true or not is not the issue here.
His gf believed she would be prosecuted, that is what matters. Still, I am a terrible person, and I think I would feel just as OP does in his place.
His gf consented to having sex. She did it under legal threat, but she still chose to have sex with that guy over potential legal trouble. This being rape in legal sense, changes nothing in the context of OP’s relationship.
I think you should leave her. You can’t get over her decision, and neither would I in your place. There is no other way here.
Bruh…100% this sounds like you got cheated on and she decided to make up this story of how she had no choice. Like others have said, she wouldn’t have got in trouble for just pictures and minor procession. And if she is a stoner and has half a brain she knows that as well. I find it VERY hard to believe that story. I mean unless she is willing to go to the station and file a report on the officer, but if she pulls a “nooo its done and over with” or anything like that where she wants to sweep it under the rug, then yeaaaa, she just wanted to fuck some guy and make up an excuse.
If this is how it really went down, unfortunately cops abuse their authority in this way like a bully and it’s not uncommon for sexual requests. Most of the time the cop has no leg to stand on so to speak. If she’s never been in trouble before this definitely could apply. It’s very scary to be threatened by a officer, going to jail (for how long? Will I get out? My parents will disown me. Everybody will know. Money/bail/lawyer. On my record for the rest of my life. ) To someone who has never been in trouble or arrested these words dont fully explain the feeling of these thought and to have a actual officer in a cop car threating you… then to refuse the cop and having a cop getting mad and possibly aggressive is pretty scary just itself. To deny a officer a simple request these days can get intense. If you feel what she says is genuine how it happened then it’s not her fault she is a victim. She didn’t go out and just cheat. It’s understandable the thoughts your having tho. That’s sacred and not for other men and it still is. That man took something from her , it’s obviously messing with her head to. But when it’s a cop in that situation… not like she can yell for help, not like she could turn him in for the threat because sadly the cops word would have been true. She’s probably trying to block it out herself. Weed isn’t the kind of drug that makes someone just start screwing around. Try to give it time and remember it’s not her fault. At least as the details are described in your post.
Somethings off here man.
Leave her. My gut tells me she cheated on you and came up with this ridiculous story.
It sounds like something a 19 year old would come up with based on tv etc but I highly highly doubt it actually happened this way.
No law enforcement older guy would take pictures of someone smoking weed from his 19 year old girlfriend and pass it onto a drug enforcement officer then have this guy rape someone.
Leave bro, get the truth if you want…but leave.
What country? Some countries do actually prosecute for drug use, you don’t even need to be in possession
Do you realise that indeed, your gf has been set up and raped? Coercion is actually rape and you are not making things easier for her. Instead of showing support, you are behaving as a macho and are blaming her for doing what she was **forced to do**. What that drug controller or police officer or whatever his position is, did was “abuse of power” and now on top of that, you as her bf are thinking about leaving her just when she needs you the most. Wow.
😂😂😂 bro is this a real post
Bro your girl is manipulating you.
You are young and naive
You need to move on or treat her as a cum bucket
This is a dangerous situation. The cop raped her and his coworkers are aware. If she files a complaint these guys will lose their careers and can face severe jail time.
He abused his power and he can go to jail. This is coercion.
You guys may be “suicided” or stoped and found with allot of drugs. Whereas you are put away forever and no one will ever believe you.
If you pursue this you need to go to the federal. Level out of state , all these actors are getting 20-30 years , what do you think will happen to cops?
I’m sure he has done this before.
That whole unit will be out to get you.
Please consider what you are doing?
Your girl was raped ….. not her fault .
Take it easy on her.
English is not my native language.
Ok you guys need adult help this is too much for you. Keep in mind no one here knows your gf so if you trust her do not listen to strangers on the internet telling you your gf is lying.
First of all it was coercion and rape. You are both very young and I’m so sorry you guys have to deal with this. I don’t think leaving her is a good idea. This girl just went trough a very traumatic experience and has no support system. She was so scared of what her parents would do to her she’d rather let a stranger violate her bodily autonomy. And her best friend is who got her in this mess in the first place. You seem to be the only one she has left and if you leave now she’ll have zero support. And you’re really young, you might (and probably will) regret not being there for someone who loved you and needed you when you’re older. You seem like you have good values and a protector provider mentality. So it’s probably hard for you feeling like you weren’t able to protect your partner. This wasn’t your fault. That “older” man who’s dating yor gf’s bff and his rapist friend sound like predators who take advantage on barely legal young women and this probably wasn’t the first time. It sounds like this was premeditated, like he planned to take her to the police station alone (in my country officers should never be alone with citizens when making an arrest/questioning etc unless there’s a body cam) and threaten her and to make his threat more affective he took her near the station and this was his plan from the start. He never intended to file a report/make an arrest or whatever. She’s the victim here. It’s horrible how scared she’s of her own parents. Anyway she did make some bad decisions and those decisions had consequences for her and for you. You did warn her about that friend and her use of weed and she chose to ignore it. However this is not the right time to leave. It’s easy to bail and be selfish and sometimes it’s extremely hard to be a good person and do what’s right over what’s easy. Tell her you’re not ready to make any decisions regarding your relationship and you’ll be there for her trough this rough time. I think not having sex was the best choice for both of you right now. She might feel like she has to use her body to make you stay and you are in the right mental space for it either. So set some boundaries sex is off the table and your relationship issues will be dealt with later. Do a list of things you can help her with. Like taking her to a doctor, finding a support group, figuring out what options she has in your country like can she report the crime and remain anonymous etc. Find her a therapist or a support group so she can have a support system there for her even if you choose to leave the relationship. Are you college students? Most colleges have counseling available to students so that might be a good place to start. There ar plenty of online communities as well. You might wanna go to a doctor for things like plan b or copper iud and stuff, post exposure prophylaxis for sti and hepatitis etc. and she might wanna get documentation of abuse just in case, to use if she decides to press charges in the future. Just help her find a good support system and if you decide to leave the relationship make sure she doesn’t feel like it was because she was raped and it’s her fault and she’s lesser for it, explain to her what happened was not her fault the guy targeted her and coerced her and he should have never put her in that vulnerable position.
Just generally be a decent human being with good morals and values. Even if you end the relationship she’ll be grateful you helped her trough this. And in your 40s it’ll feel better knowing you were a man who had values instead of a man who left a woman who loved him when she needed him…
And honestly you both need better friends your friends adviced you to dump your recently raped gf (i mean if they hated her already and wanted you to break up for a while but like still…)