I’ve noticed more and more as I’ve gotten older that guys have one woman in their past who they thought were gonna be the one and if it ends they seem super avoidant to ever getting that close again. I’ve also seen so many people say that guys never truly love a woman like that again and will always think back to that one woman. whether that was a first love or not. It’s kinda discouraging to want to date men when it feels like there’s a looming idea that they all have someone who they ultimately wish they could’ve been with but will do with second best instead.
If there’s any guys out there who were in that situation did you find yourself ever loving to the full extent again or did you always find yourself reminiscing, comparing, or wishing for that other person back.
(I know this can be seen in women but i’ve noticed men typically after this kind of breakup are single far longer and way less resistant to the idea of finding that kind of love again)
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For me, it was very much a case of “time heals all”; not from a place of acceptance, but from literally forgetting.
I was in a long term relationship from before tinder until after app dating was widespread. It was new and intimidating putting myself back out there, and I was always comparing dates to the early, organic dates I had with my ex.
After a while, the memories of that relationship were hazier and more conceptual rather than detailed. From there, it was a matter of meeting someone organically and not having that comparison lingering in the back of my head, through choice or not due to my forgetfulness.
Generally speaking, it’s not productive to be around people who look to the past, and don’t view that the future can offer up the same possibilities
While of course I remember my notable relationships in the past, there’s difference between remember say, a good steak dinner a couple years ago. To then viewing that every single steak, now needs to compare themselves to that one from before. Not only is not fair to do this, it also doesn’t make sense
I bring this up because not all men feel this way. I’ve noticed this happens a lot with people who don’t have enough dating experience just yet, so they either view their past relationships with rose-tinted glasses, or had a moment of young love which obviously different once you’re older and have more experience with how the world works
As I said, while I get where they’re coming from, time moves forward, and your life still has more opportunities in the little time we have here. If I followed this logic, then the girl I dated when I was 24, would’ve been the peak for me. But now in my early 30’s, I’ve experienced more love and had more shared experiences which removed the nostalgia, and made me realize that there isn’t much value in being precious about which one is the “best”
I’m only 21 but for me it’s been letting things flow and play out in its own time. Oddly enough, I met the person I thought was the one on Tinder. I know it might be a crazy aspect being that Tinder is primarily used for hookups but she was so genuine and innocent. Since our parting, I noticed that the memories linger from time to time but since communicating with other women as time passed I learned that even with “the one” you gotta let the course of life flow until it brings you to the point at which they become “the one” aka the day you marry. I’ll admit that dating has been something I tread cautiously and sometimes hesitantly but I’m learning.
Just over 2 years after the fact, I’m still not completely over her, dating is still a pain in the ass, I still wonder what might have been, and I kind of wish I had another shot (though, I’m on the fence about whether I’d take it or not).
That said, I wouldn’t change it. Well, I might, since she gave me herpes, but that’s a different story. Regardless, that feeling I had can’t be beaten, but I really hope that wasn’t the last ‘one’ and I’ll get to feel that way again.
Its been a year the break up with my gf of 4 years. While she was able to move on (initiated the break up after essentially cheating on me for a while) while knowing about the cheating, I’m in a tough spot with trusting people
This is not exclusive to men. If someone was amazing but it didn’t work out, people remember that. I’ve dated some really wonderful women and it didn’t work out, and I’ll probably never forget them, but that doesn’t mean I’m still in love with them. What it has done for me is dispel the notion of “the One.” Unless you have absurd standards, there will likely be many “Ones” that can make you happy. It’s just about finding the people where it’s a mutual thing with good timing.
Nearly 4 years.
Not over her. Dating feels like cheating, kinda, and I feel the urge to puke if i even think about going further than friend with any girls.
Silliest part is that i hate her as much as i still long for her
Happened 2 months ago, so I’ll let you know
It’s different now because I grew up and realized that the concept of “the one” is bullshit. There is no “the one” for anybody. Life is not a bad romance novel, it’s complex and far from being ideal. But that’s okay and it can be enjoyable even. I also realized that real love is very different from how it’s portrayed in media.
Earlier this year my ex and i of 2 years broke up because she suddenly wanted to change her gender and identity, as well as opting out of the idea of having children in the future
After she ended things i was absolutely devasted, about 2 weeks after though i was informed that she was already in a new relationship with another girl, so it struck me relatively heavily, i became distant, hateful, and just wsnted to stay away from everyone
But since then i got a job, kept a good pair of friends with me, and things were slowly getting back up on track
I won’t be able to love so easily again, but i have hope that maybe someone else is out there for me, and i just need to be patient
Curious about this OP. I’m 32 in 6 weeks and thought my ex of 3 years was going to be the one. I’ve never laughed with a woman like that. Some of the best memories of my life. Best sex of my life. First partner I’ve lived with, and it just felt like one big sleepover with my best friend.
She was chaotic in her own ways and had her demons, which in turn meant she put me through hell the year after but I still don’t regret meeting her.
She called it off in December 2021. Lived together until February 2022. Had a weird reconciliation thing in August until October 2022. I got an 8 page love letter then she got a rebound a few weeks later and I haven’t heard anything in about 10 months now.
I’ve glowed up massively and yet I can barely land a date these days. Kind of just felt like.. that was it.
My first wife died when she was 21 from complications after an operation. She was my childhood sweetheart and 100% the one. It totally destroyed me and I ended up trying to unalive myself twice during the following year. It turned me into a right tw@t who just used women for what he could get. Dates were only ever one night stands or around for a few days.
Then I met my her. She got under all my defences without me noticing. 35 years later we are still together and have kids and grandkids. And now she is also 100% the one.
Happened to me, by my own fault though, some mental health bull shit. We split up in december, haven’t been on a date, and not interested in dating again.
And ot be honest, I don’t notice women on the street as I did before I met her.
You go find another one.
We shared a connection that I’ve never experienced with any other person. I sometimes think very few people ever experience a connection like that.
When it ended she took a part of me, I think that’s the part of me that loves romantically. I haven’t seen her for 4 years and I don’t want to see anybody else.
I’m no spring chicken either.
It’s been going quite poorly. I fell in love pretty hard with her. It was the first (and only) time I felt that way about my partner. I also failed to realize I was falling in love.
To make a several-year story short, the day I realized I was in love with her but also that she didn’t feel the same way is the day I had a ~9.5 hour panic attack which caused permanent changes to my nervous system. It was easily the worst day of my life.
Since then, I’ve tried dating. I put myself out there, use apps to meet new people, and I genuinely believe I can fall in love again. I also know there is someone out there who is an even better match for me than her.
But that panic attack and the pain from needing to fall out of love has me feeling very hesitant to open myself up to someone. I think I’m finally at the point where I’m not comparing every potential date to her, but I can still see that I’m timid when it comes to dating, and I know I’m letting the memory of all that hurt hold me back at times.
I’m in a better place now compared to a few years ago, so I know it’s only a matter of time before I feel fine opening up to someone else.
It’s like meh
I don’t believe in the one, but the the lady I remember the most relates to the most emotional pain I’ve ever experienced in my life… which I now feel like is a possibility with any new partner I could have… so I just don’t want to do it. Getting close to a lady romantically now absolutely terrifies me… I have some hookups and go on dates now and again but emotionally im walled off, untrusting, and just not as interested into romantic relationships which is unfair the the other party. I think I’m ready to try, go on a few dates, notice I’m not and cut them all off. It’s been like that for a while now.
More or less I’m terrified of emotional intimacy now because for me it’s my most vulnerable attribute that was exploited to a horrific degree in the past. So More or less I just don’t want to feel that way ever again.
For me, it meant the end of dating. If I couldn’t make it work with my exw, then it doesn’t seem likely that I can make it work with anyone else.
So, I make it clear to girls I meet now that I’m not interested in ANYTHING serious.
A lot of random sex, no real connection with dates other than mouth to pp and lots of alcohol until the right one comes along . Oh and some self reflection and self work. No reminiscing , more like realizing all the wrong shit that was there. I would say with the right one, the love is even better cuz you know what you want and don’t want etc
Hmmmm… life definitely goes on if you are wired up correctly. Moving on can be what you make of it. For most, it will be a lateral move. Downwards if aging is an issue (looks, body fat % and health), an upgrade (maintains/ improves looks, body fat % and health) or resigned to being single (get a dog and become socially awkward – yes, you are).
So life is what you make of it. Most people do move laterally, so don’t think you can upgrade as it will be temporary at best – the other party will catch on and you will be relegated back to the market and your level.
I’ve always upgraded, so I see no reason to settle and give up my liberties, needs and wants. I have seen my friends and colleague who thought the grass is greener and now they are single, dog owners or have an import bride – the latter two are not very good, but help sustain are lonely life.
I simply won’t date again.
I won’t be in a relationship again.
The betrayal that my “one” (married twenty years) visited upon my family and upon me …
I will simply never trust again. I will be heartbroken, and angry, for the rest of my life.
And none of those things should be taken into a relationship.
Ser Thorne’s final line in Game of Thrones resonates with me. “I fought. I lost. Now I rest.”
Dating has always been non-existent for me because I believed in “the one,” but she didn’t feel the same way. I got over her, so I don’t really care, but I decided dating wasn’t for me. This was over a decade ago, and I have never dated as a result. Only had fwb’s and casual agreements.
I definitely have a “one who got away”.
It doesn’t stop me. I thought the one before her was gonna be it as well. It clearly wasn’t.
Still on that journey. She’s one of a kind for that time period, and I’m sure I’ll find another unique woman that will complement my life and I with hers. I wish my ex all the best and for my mental health, it’s best not to reminisce. I’m not really dating, but I’m still social around women, but I do keep myself guarded and it’ll take someone special for me to let that down again. It’s been less than a year since we divorced. Till then, I’m just doing my own thing and making myself as bulletproof as I can.
Easy, I don’t look for anything serious, period.
had a fairytale romance and meet up with my ex-fiancee. When that ended I kinda stopped being able to plan for the future. I thought I knew what tomorrow would bring. I thought I knew the goal and lief I was building toward. I lost a lot that year and that was the capstone. I still struggle to really think much about next year outside of very specific goals. Good news is if you just try to take care of things now and put yourself in a decent position for the future you don’t really need to think of what the future might bring. So I learned to deal with it.
For me, she became super abusive and for a couple years after that I was scared of even trying for another relationship. Slowly getting out of it, met some really cool chicks to help me realize they aren’t all monsters, and still hoping for the true one like the biggest fucking idiot I could ever be.
It was great.
I think it’s a common misconception that we’re just in love with “the one” still. I’m not in love, she’s a bitch and I’m not real shy of throwing hate on my feelings there. The problem is, I don’t want to
Love you because the years I’ve spent recovering from the shock and loss were fuckin miserable and I dread doing anything like that again.
*”What is dating like for men after it ends with who you thought was the “one””*
1. There isn’t any such thing as “The One”.
2. The same as with any relationship OP.
3. It depends on the man OP men aren’t a hive mind on this.
31m here. I was in that situation once after getting out of a 3 year relationship with a virgin. I would date 2-3 new girls a week and feel more and more depressed because no one fit the criteria I wanted. Eventually, I found the virgin girlfriend I wanted and another one in a different country few weeks later who kept visiting me every month or so which made me forget about the ex fairly quick. I juggled both for as long as I could until I got into an accident where I nearly died and one of them was with me through my entire recovery so I decided she was the one. We stayed with her for 6 years but then, eventually she changed for the worse and we broke up.
Now it’s been exactly a year since our split today actually and I still don’t want any relationships. Keep dating for casual sex with girls I don’t really like. So far it’s been 9 of them. Always the same pattern, after a month or two they start wanting a relationship and/or to take things to the next level, like moving in together which scares the hell out of me and eventually I end contact with them. I feel completely hopeless about finding what I want at my age and the more I date the more I keep thinking about my ex. How no one will ever be as good as she was.
So to answer the question at least for me I forget about the previous one fast when I find someone else who I think is better.
If it ended then she obviously isn’t the one.
I’ve had two women that I thought might be the one. I was pretty torn up and didn’t have the emotional energy to really connect with anyone for 1-3 years, lots of flings and casual relationships. After that time I date more seriously for a bit with nothing really going anywhere until eventually I give up trying to meet anyone….. and about that time meet someone I connect with more deeply
i don’t really believe in this concept but after one past breakup, i stayed single for about 8 years. first i didn’t want to get emotionally attached to anyone, then it was difficult to find someone who measured up but i eventually fell in love again and got into another relationship.
it felt different mostly because my mindset was different. i was more aware of the realities of partnerships rather than thinking i found ‘the one’ and i viewed love less idealistically in general. the rose-tinted glasses just weren’t there anymore. i definitely don’t want her back so i don’t think of anyone i dated after her as coming in 2nd place.
i think if you have an intense connection with someone when you’re young and inexperienced, it will often feel a bit different than anything that comes after, since you’re looking at things through a different lens. doesn’t have to do anything with the women in particular though, at least not necessarily. i would’ve loved to grow and build together with someone from a younger age, but it just wasn’t in the cards for me and that’s okay. maybe it was for the better, who knows what would’ve happened.
I’m just kinda done. At some point you need to just accept facts of life. I don’t have what people want. The only reason someone would want to be with me is for my money or career. So I’m not gonna go down that path. I would rather be alone.