Hey everyone,
I hope you’re all doing well. I’m posting here today because I recently went through a tough situation, and I could really use some advice and support.
I’m a 19-year-old girl, and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend (22M) for over a year now. We were incredibly close and talked about our future together, and I truly believed that we had something special.
Unfortunately, a few weeks ago, I discovered that he had cheated on me. It was a complete shock, and I never saw it coming. I stumbled upon some messages on his phone that revealed he had been seeing someone else behind my back. The pain and betrayal I felt in that moment were overwhelming.
I confronted him about it, and he admitted to it, but he also claimed that it was a mistake and that he regretted it deeply. He said he wanted to work things out and that he loved me. I was torn, feeling a mix of anger, sadness, and confusion.
Now, I’m not sure what to do. I’m struggling with trust issues and can’t stop thinking about what happened. On one hand, I love him and want to believe he’s sincere about wanting to make things right. On the other hand, I can’t ignore the fact that he cheated on me in the first place.
I’m really lost and hurt right now. I know I’m still young, but this relationship meant a lot to me. I’d appreciate any advice on how to deal with this situation and heal from the pain of being cheated on. Has anyone been through something similar? How did you handle it? Did you decide to forgive and try to rebuild trust, or did you choose to move on?
Thank you for taking the time to read my story, and I’m grateful for any guidance you can provide.
TLDR: I’m a 19-year-old girl who recently discovered that my boyfriend cheated on me. I’m torn between forgiving him and rebuilding trust or moving
49 comments
The love of your life is not a man who cheats on you. I promise you, you deserve more. Focus on healing and moving on.
Does he regret it or does he regret getting caught? How long has he been cheating on you and how many times? You may just be seeing the tip of the iceberg. Personally I would never be able to trust that person again, and a partner I can’t trust is a partner I don’t want or need in my life. Think about what you deserve and the kind of life you want then decide. In case you’re unsure… no one deserves to be cheated on and betrayed.
Use this situation as an opportunity to learn and grow.
– He says he regretted it, but he wasn’t honest.
– He said he wants to work things out, but what steps is he taking to earn back your trust?
– What does making it right mean? Is it achievable?
Yes, I’ve been through it. In my case, the trust was broken and I did not see continuing the relationship as an option. It was painful either way…stay and question every motive and action, which felt exhausting and degrading for both of us…leave and rebuild my self-esteem, trust and heart. I opted for the latter.
Move on. Seriously you are 19 there is no reason to give him another chance to cheat on you again.
I’m sorry OP, being cheated on sucks! And your boyfriend sucks for putting you through this.
Look, I know human emotions are more complex and not just black and white, but consider this, if you do forgive him and take him back, will you be able to trust him again?
Because it’s easy to say “fine let’s try again”, but in practice, what does that mean? What “steps” will you both take to fix your relationship? Most people “try again” only to change nothing.
You will forever feel the need to go through his phone and he will either walk on eggshells around you, or eventually cheat again.
At the end of the day, cheating breaks the trust in the relationship. You now have a reason to doubt him, his sincerity and his loyalty to you. If he’s on his phone for too long, if he’s out for too long, if he stays late at work; your mind will raise up red flags. Justifiably so, since he’s done it before, what stops him from doing it again? But that is not what a healthy relationship looks like. You SHOULD be able to trust your partner, you shouldn’t feel like you have to police him for him to stay loyal.
To me, it also shows a lack of respect. IF he truly respected you, he would’ve broken up with you before he got to the point of cheating. And that fact alone should tell you everything you need to know.
One this is for certain, you will move past this. Break up with him, block him if you need to (not seeing someone does help with getting over them easier) and go live your life. Try not to check up on him, and lean on your support system to help you through this! Maybe, if you’re able to, go on a trip, sign up for an activity or something creative – might help your get your mind off things! And if you feel like you’re still drowning and hurting, try therapy!
You are 19, you have your whole life ahead of you to meet people and fall in love! Good luck!!
Yes he did and he can accept it and grow, or he can beg to get something back that doesn’t exist any more. Leave him behind.
You deserve so much bette than this. He does not regret doing this, he would have thought ahead. He regrets getting caught. From having messages, he had ample time to realise that’s not right and went ahead anyway.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Don’t waste your time
If you can’t trust this guy completely, move on.
I’ve been through something similar, tried to get over it and work through it. Continued to be cheated on, with the same person he was cheating on me with before, he just got sneakier about it. If you take this person back, he will almost definitely cheat on you again. So I guess just ask yourself if you will be ok with that
Of course he regrets it because he can’t sleep with you anymore. Don’t think for a second that he won’t cheat anymore just because he says he is full of regret. Regret for cheating no, regret to be caught, sure.
>a few weeks ago, I discovered that he had cheated on me. It was a complete shock, and I never saw it coming. I stumbled upon some messages on his phone that revealed he had been seeing someone else behind my back.
>I confronted him about it, and he admitted to it, but he also claimed that it was a mistake and that he regretted it deeply.
A “mistake”? A mistake is using salt instead of sugar in his tea. He didn’t *accidentally* cheat on you – **he made a series of choices and decisions** to betray your trust and see someone else behind your back.
And now those choices and actions have consequences.
Leave him, you are too young to put up with this. Remember he’s only sorry because he got caught.
what is he possibly going to do to show he isn’t the same guy who lied for so long to you with such a deep betrayal? don’t delude yourself. he’s just a cheater who got caught. real remorse only comes when he realizes he’s hit rock bottom and right now he’s just sad that there are consequences to his *choices* (not *mistake*)
You have only been together for a year and he has already cheated? This is who he is. He is only sorry that he got caught. He will continue to cheat, just hide it better. Time to find a better boyfriend.
If you were the love of his life, he wouldn’t cheat on you. Also, you’re 19 years old. There are so many people out there that would treat you better. Waiting for the person who is going to treat you the way you deserve is worth it over staying with someone who doesn’t respect you enough to be faithful, and being faithful is the bare minimum.
it wasn’t a mistake, it was a series of choices. He’s only sorry because he got caught. You deserve better.
He’s realised the grass isn’t greener. Too bad. Don’t take him back.
Cheaters should never get a second chance.
He regrets that you found out, he will be more careful next time.
These kid posts always make me laugh. You’re 19. You have so much time to find someone better, you’ve invested nothing in this guy. There are countless other people to meet, find someone who doesn’t suck.
It was just such a mistake for him to repeatedly fuck her.
He doesn’t regret cheating
He is remorseful because it was a one time thing and he threw away a good relationship for no reason
If the woman had been into him…you never would have heard from him again
he just doesn’t want to be alone
And as others have said…if this guy actually loved you, like really and truly loved you….cheating would never have been something he would have considered…much less done
You’re young and have been in a relationship for only over a year. He can’t stay committed for that long? What serious issues or stressors can happen at this point in your relationship that would even cause such a thing to happen other than selfishness? Nothing.
AND the effort, level of commitment, and emotional intelligence it takes from both people to build trust and recover from infidelity is a lot. Most married couples aren’t even able to do it.
Not worth the energy at all.
Everyone regrets it once they’re caught.
If you caught him, then it’s time to leave. The only time it’s a maybe stay scenario is if the cheater owns up to it immediately, even then it’s forgivable not forgettable.
You may forgive him but you won’t forget it. It will eat at you. Believe me I’ve been through it. You’ll have flashbacks of this, memories and you’ll never stop it from happening. Move on
Not worth it and I would move on. Not enough time has passed for him to have changed in any significant way. He never confessed and likely wouldn’t have so I don’t see a way to really build back any trust.
The only time I would consider trying to forgive and move on would be if there were children involved.
In your case, the relationship was special to you and there was a future in it for you. Not for him or he wouldn’t have made the choices he made. You need 2 people to believe in a relationship and to value it to make it work. He has shown he doesn’t feel that way.
Move on. You deserve someone who values the relationship you have.
It’s always interesting when a cheater says they want to work on things. Why didn’t they bring that up before they cheated? The only reason you have anything to work on is because they cheated.
Don’t go back. Date new people. Do things for you. Make drastic updates to yourself.
But don’t go back.
Before making any decisions, I recommend realizing that a cheating wound will always be present in that relationship. No matter if it’s five years or twenty years down the road, you will always remember it and be reminded of it. My father cheated on my mom around twenty years ago, and to this day, despite him staying faithful since that night, she still can not trust him completely. Yes, they worked through it, and yes, they’ve been together all twenty of the previous years, but she still carries that worry and can never stop the paranoia. Is that constant paranoia something you’re okay with? Even twenty or forty years down the road, do you want to be tearing yourself apart thinking about who he’s with? If you don’t, I suggest moving on. No matter how much you love him, you should always love yourself more.
i didn’t even read the post but immediately know he’s a clown, and you should move on it’ll be one of the best choices of your life🤝
OP please take a few minutes and consider this question –
Who do you love, the man you thought he was or the man you now know he really is? What he has shown you is he can lie to you multiple times to hide his cheating, he has no respect for you or his relationship, and he was not sorry about what he did until he got caught.
Now every time he is late from work, or wants to “go out with his friends”, etc, you will be wondering if he is cheating again. Is this how you want to live?
Move on. Him crying and or begging is a manipulation tactic. If he truly cared he wouldn’t have cheated in the first place. And since time is our most valuable asset, I’d say use yours for you.
No take-backsies!
My ex bf did the same. I gave him a second chance and he cheated on me again with the same girl. As soon as I broke up with him a second time, he changed his profile picture to a pic of him and the girl kissing. If they cheat, it’s not worth trying to fix it. Leave and find someone who appreciates you daily.
He did make a mistake…
HE CHEATED.
Move forward without him & his nonsense.
Cheaters will more than likely cheat again. Not worth your time or effort. Put that energy into finding someone that truly values you.
Move on. Don’t torture yourself, at a time in your life when you should be finding yourself.
If he regrets it, he can learn from it and not cheat on his next GF.
If you take him back, all he’ll learn is that you’re sucker and he’ll do it again because you’re a sucker.
OP, do yourself a huge favor and cut this guy out of your life.
You discovered he cheated. He didn’t tell you himself. That just adds insult to injury. It will most likely happen again and even if if doesn’t, you will be on high alert all the time. It’s not worth it. Set the bar higher for yourself.
If you do take the advice from this thread and leave him, block him on everything so he doesn’t have the chance to try to weasel his way back in.
Cheating is not “a mistake” it is a series of choices. He chose to talk to someone else. He chose to see this other person. He chose to cheat on you. He chose to betray you. He chose to hide it. If he “regretted it so deeply” he would’ve told you about it the moment it happened, not waited for you to find out for yourself. He does not love you. He does not respect you.
You are 19, he is the love of your life, for now. You’ve got like 50+ years of life ahead of you, do you really think you won’t find someone you love more? Who loves you more than this prick? I mean really?
Since he doesn’t respect you, you need to respect yourself enough to dump him.
>We were incredibly close and talked about our future together, and I truly believed that we had something special.
I think this is one of the reason you are hesitating on giving up the relationship. Because you guys talked about future together. And the thought of not being able to have it in the future scares you. And you didn’t want to let go of it. You thought it was special. Which is what he wanted you to think. That you guys have future together.
Please don’t waste your time and energy with that cheater. I wasted my 4 years with that kinda man. And it’s not worth it. Alot of heartache and crying. He will get sneaky with his next cheating agenda. Move on and find new love.
Of course he regrets it, he thought he could have his cake and eat it to and he regrets getting caught and losing you because you provided something he wanted. But not enough to want to keep it over everything else.
You are smarter than this.
Keep him gone.
You discovered his true character and lack of integrity.
Congratulations on making this discovery before you invested too much time into the relationship.
Unfortunately, you will never forget this, on a good note although you won’t forget you will no longer feel the pain in time. This will just become an event in your life with no feelings at all.
You have to move on from your boyfriend. You will never look at him in the same way no matter how hard you try to accept what happened
He’s just sorry coz he got caught. If you didn’t catch him, what are the odds he would just continue. People like that are inherently broken and hate themselves. You are better off with someone who actually respects you
If he loved you he would not have done that. He would have spoken to you about what he was feeling and why.
You could institute a one year stop for cheating.
Meaning that you won’t consider dating him again until a full year has passed. If he’s really sorry, he’ll wait around for you as you date other people and see what else the world has to offer.
Odds are he’ll just go back to fucking the other woman though.
It’s kind of a dumb idea, but so is getting back together with someone who cheated on you, at least this way you will hopefully date someone who doesn’t cheat and realize how much better they are.
So he wasn’t regretful **until you discovered it on your own**.
It wasn’t a mistake – he made the choice to cheat on you. Statistically, he will do so again.
I’ve been in your shoes in the same situation, at the same age. Spoiler: There were actually 5 other people they were cheating on me with, not just one…they were just sorry for the one I found on my own. I forgave them…they didn’t even break a sweat to pick up right where they left off.
People who love you don’t cheat on you.
Don’t be a fool. If he regretted it, he’d have told you about it himself. He didn’t. He cheated AND lied. This dude isn’t the love of your life.
You’re 19 years old. You don’t have a love of your life yet. At 19, everybody thinks they found the love of their lives. They didn’t. At least like 99% of people don’t.
I personally am not friends with one single person who does not look back at whatever relationship they were in at age 19 and completely cringes. At that age I thought I understood how love and relationships and life worked. I can tell you as a guy in his 40s that I had no idea how life or love or relationships worked.
My point is, you’re not losing anything that’s actually important in the overall scheme of your adult life. Regardless of what you think, this idiot isn’t and wasn’t the love of your life. Set a reminder on your phone to remind you about this in 10 years from now. You’ll see exactly what I mean.
There’s plenty of people out there. You’ll meet a ton of them as you transition into actual adulthood. One of those people will be the love of your life. But not this idiot. The love of your life doesn’t cheat on you. End of story. Someone who loves you doesn’t cheat on you. Someone who respects you doesn’t cheat on you. This guy didn’t love or respect you. So now, it’s time for you to love and respect yourself. If you don’t, and if you get back with this embarrassment of a boy, then you will learn that lesson the hard way, and you’ll regret it for a long time.
Please leave. I know it’s hard to imagine and overwhelming but you’re young and it’s shockingly easy to waste your life with the wrong people by not taking a stand when you should have. This isn’t the one and I promise if you leave you will get over it and someday soon be with a better guy who you love even more even though it felt like you’d never love again