25 F. I went to a bar alone for the first time recently and I found it really boring. I brought a book in case I got anxious so I would have something to focus on but it pretty much came down to I either read, played on my phone, or stared at the wall. Everyone else there came with someone else and had someone to interact with but I just kinda… sat there.
Am I missing something? I want to go to bars so I can interact with people my age and hopefully make some friends but it was just a weird experience. Would I be able to insert myself into a group of people already hanging out or would that be weird? I don’t want to come across as rude or desperate.
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Inserting yourself *would* be rude, yeah.
TBH, bars are a *shitty* place to meet people. A better solution is to take up some hobbies- do stuff you life doing, and you’ll encounter people who like the same stuff. Then you can have conversations about said stuff, and that leads to making friends! š
This advice is not gonna be worth much since I haven’t gotten around to trying it myself, but…
Some bars host things like trivia nights or other game nights. Worth seeing if you can find any of those and attending them! Doing a shared activity like these social games, *especially* if it involves being placed on a team with other strangers, has been an ironclad way to meet new people in my experience.
Bonus of trivia nights is you get a sense of everyone’s interests based on what trivia they know, which could lead to finding some common enough ground to connect.
This is all theoretical, of course. I’ve gotta actually go out and try, hah.
Where do you live? Might help narrow it down.
Itās easier to get an interaction going when thereās an activity happening in the bar. Like an open mic or pub trivia (depending on the host they might want to ask a small group to let you join forces) or something. Itās also an option to just go to a regular neighborhood spot and chat with the staff when itās slow. Eventually youāll get to know the other regulars and find out about the staff there, but I still think an activity in the bar space facilitates social interactions better than just cold opens.
Bars are social places. If you go there alone you will have to interact with other people. Others might want to interact with you too, but reading a book or playing on a phone could make that difficult for them.
Is the bar truly where you want to be? Sounds like you may be better off joining a book club
Going to the bar to make friends as a person who keeps to themselves is not the right move. In my experience, you only attract loud and drunk people who are obnoxious to be around.
Pick a different location to find people in your local community. Attend park events or go to farmers markets. You will find more likely minded individuals there.
Good luck
You will need to be much more assertive and make the effort to approach people. If you sit in a corner giving off āIām boredā vibes people arenāt going to want to approach you.
Try taking a course in night school. Find a fun class to get involved with, like theatre or art. Or a dancing school? Or join a political campaign as a volunteer?
You *can* go to a bar alone to meet people, but it requires a degree of comfort and confidence being in a bar that you probably don’t have if you don’t go to bars regularly.
Generally, it’s a lot easier to go to a bar with other people to have a good time than it is on your own.
Unless we’re talking about special interest bars, bars provide a way for friends to go out and socialize without staying at home, normally with alcohol. Many bars will specialize in a specific type of alcohol or cocktail that can be fun to try.
Busier bars have an element of forced-socialization. If you’re forced to share a table with other people you’re more likely to strike up conversation.
Ultimately it does come down to confidence, and if you’re not used to socializing, putting yourself out there, or a bar environment, you already have a lot of things going against you to get the “go to a bar to meet someone” experience.
If you want to do this I’d have a bit more of a think about what types of bars (or clubs) are in your area that might have more of a crossover with your interests. Many cities have a board game bar, some even have D&D/RPG bars, and events like trivia night can help. If you’re up for dancing, I find goth/emo/alt clubs to be really fun and the folks who go skew pretty friendly as well as dorky/geeky.
>Would I be able to insert myself into a group of people already hanging out or would that be weird? I don’t want to come across as rude or desperate.
If you persist and pick the right people, I think it will work out about half the time. Some people are mostly there to hang out with the friends they came with, some people are more open to making friends. Generally the more lively a group of people look, the more likely they’ll accept a stranger into the group. So long as you can read that sometimes people won’t be interested and casually bow out if the vibe isn’t there, you’ll be fine.
Honestly, I don’t think this is a terrible way to practice your social skills. Yeah, you’ll probably strike out a few times and not always get the night you want, but I also think it’s a great way to meet sociable people. Maybe next time ditch the book, and promise yourself that you’ll introduce yourself to at least two strangers before you go home.
Download meetup and keep an eye on local events
As someone who worked in a bar for a year, if you find the right bar with the right bartenders at the right time (the sweet spot would be super social, friendly bartenders who are having a fun time themselves and want to chat–and have the time to–not bartenders who are just there for the job and judging you for your drink order and look like the bar is the last place they want to be, nor bartenders who are normally friendly but have lines of tickets and just way too busy for chit chat) you can get friendly with them and they’ll be able to introduce you to some people or at the very least bring you in on conversations with other patrons. Once you find that bar that has those friendly bartenders, I suggest going earlier in the week on a weekday that isn’t a holiday (Mon-Wed) to ensure that the bartenders won’t be crazy busy so they can get to know you and they’ll be able to bring you into conversations later if they want/are able to. Conversations between strangers who are sitting at the bar and bartenders can also easily and organically become conversations just between patrons/strangers without the bartender doing much or even anything. (I wouldn’t suggest this for everyone–some people are more outgoing and have no trouble meeting people by themselves, but since you’re having trouble, which is completely valid, this is the route I would suggest.)
But overall I wouldn’t go to a bar alone for the sole purpose of making friends. Not saying it can’t happen, but it’s not a sure thing and it would be way more likely if you were already a loud social butterfly, which it doesn’t seem like you are. You’re also a young women, so a lot of the social interactions you will have at a bar will be skewed towards people hitting on you, which will not turn into friendship. As far as the book goes, it can be a prop to welcome social interactions, or it can be a stop sign saying leave me alone–and it’s a little more likely people will interpret it as the latter. If you find a bar that has some game nights or something, I think that could be slightly promising, and you’re welcome to try your chances, but I would still suggest that you’ll have better chances making friends elsewhere.
i dont know if your city has it, but i tend to be a little more intoverted, i dont have a lot of friends, but am very open to meeting new people.
I started going to Adult Night at a Roller Skating Rink ($5). and it is lighhearted and wholesome fun. I was able to talk to as many people as i wanted to ( or not) and people intiated conversations with me too.
Sadly, it seems like most people aren’t as social after COVID. 2 years of social distancing just created a huge gap in society. I used to meet friends at the bar all the time, some people I still talk to. The only suggestion I can make is to be as friendly and bubbly as possible. Smile at people, ask about their clothing or something unique about them. Most people loveeeee to talk about themselves. So just keep asking “what they do? Where they from? Ask for suggestions on cool places to check out”. When I go solo, I’ll tell people at the bar. Like “yeah I’m jus chillin here myself”. And most people will at least be friendly towards you. If you are financially stable, offer to buy a shot? Sometimes that sucks cuz people will just take the free drink and dip. I’ll also tend to talk to couples a lot. It’s hard to branch out with your significant other there as your safety net. But if you approach one of them, chances are they’ll feel comfortable talking to you cuz they have said safety net, just in case. But when in doubt, chat it up with the bar tender. Obviously if they’re not busy. Most bar tenders will be ok with small talk and it helps you feel comfortable sitting there and helps you handle the awkward silence in between. Idk hopefully this helps. I know it’s not easy to get over socially awkward situations. But just take it in strides. And remember these people are strangers, you’ll likely never see again, if anything weird were to happen. So make the best and shoot your shot! Good luck friend! š
I’d agree with another poster talking with the bar staff is why I go to bars. Also over time, you’ll meet other regulars.
I typically bring books, things to read on my phone, and writing practice. It’s a nice balance because I’m doing something I’m enjoying but also being aware of my surroundings pipe in when I have something quick, fun, and light to say. I tend to get the most responses from being enthusiastic and brief.
Ur supposed to get super wasted but donāt take my advice Iām sober now
As a man, Rule 1 of going to a bar: you never approach strangers, especially not women.
Get the MeetUp app. You can find various groups of common interests you might enjoy.
You should check out Meetup and other apps that young professionals use. They usually plan fun events and you can pick and choose based on the hobbies you prefer. If you like read you can go to book clubs and such and meet people that have similar and that are open to meeting new people. In public places like bars with no set events most people come with friends or with other intentions in mind.
If your interested in finding something to do to meet people and hang out, I highly recommend seeing if there is any local boardgame groups.
But admittedly I am a massive nerd šš
But, I was struggling and had lost most of my friends after having left school stopped drinking and partying as much ect and joined a local boardgame group and now 90% of my social circle is from that.
I meet lots of people at bars, theyāre not all great people but I meet them by doing exactly that. Interjecting myself into a conversation. People are at bars generally to be social, so a quick question about their drink, clothes, jewelry, the game or whatever is expected. Obviously you donāt want to keep interrupting them if theyāre not receptive to it, but a singular interruption is expected and often welcome.
Start off by talking to someone also alone, if youāre not comfortable with that, simply look up and around, give people a smile when they meet your gaze. Being on your phone or reading a book says āleave me alone.ā
My best advice no matter what, is to always seem confident even if you are not. I used to frequent bars alone, and I always met the best people there. Iād do my hair, put on a little makeup and go there with the idea that I was just there to enjoy myself. Sometimes Iād sit there by myself the entire time, and others Iād end up with a couple of new friends.
Donāt have high expectations, order your drink, and have fun. I will add that if I saw someone at a bar with a book, Iād take that as a sign they want to be left alone. So perhaps thatās why you didnāt get approached when you brought it, not because people didnāt want to talk to you but because it may have given a āleave me aloneā vibe. You can always turn to the person to your left and say hello, and leave it at that.
Bars really aren’t fun if you’re sober, especially if you’re the only sober one.
I never went to bars or breweries to meet people. I always went after work because they had some beers and food I really liked. Honestly I just really enjoyed talking with the bartenders and often when people saw we were having a fun conversation some people would join in and just like that I was chit chatting with some stranger for the rest of the night. Met a really nice girl one night because I was only talking with the bartender.
All the times Iāve gone to a bar alone and wanted to interact with other people, I took the initiative and chatted some people up.
It depends on the bar, what kind of people are there, and the general vibe, but if you arrive alone and want to socialize, the best thing to do is take the initiative. I find the best way to do that is sit right at the bar and chat up strangers who come and go or happen to be sitting beside you. Otherwise you are just going to be sitting there hoping somebody takes the initiative for you, which can be a crapshoot.
I was sitting in a bar right beside a table of 4 or 5 and overheard them talking about English football once. I felt out the vibe and social context and chimed in with an opinion about what they were discussing. Ended up joining them at their table and making a couple temporary bar friends. Itās easier to do something like this at a bar because people are generally talking loudly and tend to have alcohol in them, so a stranger ābudding inā isnāt generally frowned upon unless you are really clumsy about it or the conversation is something private.
Honestly though just sitting at a bar and casually chatting up those near you from time to time is easier. Those who sit at the bar tend to be even more open to that sort of thing. And whatever you do try to feel out the context and your place in it before you say anything. There are good moments to interject or ask a question and bad ones. In a bar setting itās way harder to commit a social faux pas but it is possible.
If you are not comfortable taking the initiative in a situation like that, then I suggest a setting other than a bar. But if you insist, just go for it and see what happens. Social skills are best learned via experimentation and field work. Sometimes you might fail, and thatās okay, make sure to learn from the experience when it happens. Over time you will get better at it.
Start looking for sewing classes a lot of sewists are getting into bag making especially us younger ones.
If you want to hit the bar again try going when itās not too busy sit at the bar and spark a conversation with the bartender. Most bartenders are extremely friendly and live to talk with their patrons. Tell the bartender what your up to.
If Iām sitting at a bar by myself i listen and if those near me say something funny Iāll laugh and if I want to say something Iāll look up at them. You donāt want to jump in and take over the conversation but you have just given them the opportunity to include you. Donāt let people make you feel like youāre intruding on a private conversation a bar isnāt a private place. Do use common sense if they lower their voice or donāt respond donāt bother with them. Just imagine politely spilling your drink in their shoes. DO NOT ACTUALLY SPILL YOUR DRINK ON THEM!! Then laugh to yourself and move on
After intense research I’ve got your answer. You need to be dressed up in a cocktail dress and diamonds and extracting a cigarette from your cigarette case. Also be sure that you’re in the 1940s, that’s quite important.
The hobbies ideas are good too.
exactly so your better off staying at home
Are you attractive?
You can always chat w the bartenders! At the end of the day it is their job to entertain guests but that doesn’t preclude making a genuine connection. Good social skills practice too. Of course they’ll be working and can’t devote full attention to you, but can chat while they’re not focusing on something or talking to another person, and back to your book when not chatting
yup, thats exactly what happens most of the time for me when I go to bars alone LOL
ugh I don’t feel like typing up my thoughts at the moment, but long story short – the best nights I’ve had out alone were where some random extroverted person sat directly nearby and started talking to me and kicked things off.
I think your best bet to meet people at a bar is go to bars where ppl play pool or darts or that weird hand shuffle board game. If people are playing ask if you can play ask if they can teach you
I usually just gamble at the bar machines if I have to drink at the bar.
Bars often are boring, especially if you’re not used to going to bars alone. This is a bit different depending on location, NYC you often see people out solo, less so in LA for example.
Best thing you can find the right bar first. Some bars are more solo friendly/casual, others are “experiences or outing” bars that people don’t really go to if they aren’t already with a group. So find your bar, should be a bar that’s not too busy, which seems counter-intuitive at first.
Talk to the bar-tender, small talk is part of their job, as long as you’re not distracting them / interrupting their actual work duties! Don’t try to take up all their time but a few questions/observations sprinkled over the course of a drink or two. Odds are if there are other solo people (or even groups) there they will overhear, and then it’s just a matter of bridging the gap so they feel comfortable chiming in. This is where alcohol comes in, people are more comfortable injecting themselves into conversations drunk. And then you introduce yourselves, ask what brings you out for a drink, talk about the neighborhood/city, and then move into more fun topics / less small talk.
Entirely depends on the type of bar though, this is coming from my experience of smaller hole in the wall bars in NYC, this doesn’t work as well in clubs/larger more commercial bars.
Donāt go to bars to make friends. Go to the bar to drink. You went with the wrong mindset from the start. Yes it is rude to just insert yourself into a group as a complete stranger.
There are three types of bars in my opinion.
1.) restaurants with drinks. These are the hardest to meet people. Everyone is at little tables. Almost no one speaks to anyone they didnāt come there with. I would say a lot of trendy places fall into this category and serve fancy cocktails for little groups of people to take pictures of while they meet no one. Iām my opinion these are the least fun because itās got the vibe of a social setting but is essentially just a small table for you and a few friends to spend money quickly without interacting with anyone but your server.
2.) social bars. These bars are like a big room with few tables where people walk up to the bar to get a drink and then wander around. Groups are more fluid. If you stand somewhere for a while chances are someone will talk to you. There are often things to comment on or activities. Sometimes music.
3. Somewhere in between. Has some qualities of 1 and some qualities of 2.
Of course there are many sub categories. Tiki bars, dive bars, college bars, etc.
If you were in a type 1 no you are not missing anything. The place is basically just a restaurant where itās hard to meet new people. If you are in a type 3 with many qualities of 1 that is also hard. Finding a category 2 is easier said than done these days bc 1 is often more profitable for the owner.
If you go to a different place with this info in mind you might have better luck.
Sit at the bar and say “hi” to the person next to you. As a 30F, I go to bars by myself all the time.
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It’s likely that someone will avoid interacting with someone they see on their phones or reading a book.
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Gotta make the magic happen yourself.
Yep, go in and get rejected over and over and eventually someone will be nice to you.
Most people go to bars to drink alcohol