Usually this feedback comes from people who like me, but it’s popped up in various social situations. I’ve even had it happen at work, where the owner of the company said he felt intimidated by me suggesting something so he had to do it because he was afraid of disagreeing with me?
I haven’t been out right called bossy, but that’s the vibe I get. I’m assured that it’s not actually my fault, but that I am assertive, scary, dominant, etc and that I make people feel like they have to do whatever I say…?
But MY perspective is that I have no control over anyone and it’s not my place to ask anyone to ever do or change anything for me. If I suggest something and the person doesn’t do it or says no or whatever.. that’s fine. This is usually my anticipated response. I don’t ever expect for anyone to do anything I say.
I’ll speak my mind about my boundaries, preferences, discomfort, etc, but then my solution is that I will take my own steps to avoid or solve the issue that doesn’t require the other person to change/do anything.
But it seems that other people take this as an ultimatum.
So what is going on here?
1 comment
Your problem is *infinitely* better than the opposite problem – not being able to express needs, wants, desires, and boundaries. Being assertive gives you all kinds of really significant life advantages.
More good news: It’s pretty easy to learn to temper their perception without giving up being assertive. Just hone your social skills, especially the non-verbals like posture, tone of voice, and movement. I recommend the book “How to Talk to Anybody” by Leil Lowndes. She’s a communications expert, and this book is pure gold.