My ex (31M) reached out to me saying he needs me (27F). Did I do the right thing?

Hey guys, just needing some objective thoughts on this particular scenario, not on my relationship as a whole. Just give it to me straight. I need clarity.

My ex and I have a really strange relationship. I’m already aware that it’s pretty unhealthy because we have been on and off for the past 2 years, and haven’t been able to stay together for more than a few months at a time. I want to get that out of the way first. I’m also the one that initially ended things between us.

He reached out to me a few days ago because recently he’s been going through a LOT. He lost his job a few months ago, he was living with his mate but they had something go on between them that’s led to him having to move out. His mum has dementia so he’s trying his best to care for her while his father is of no help whatsoever.

I don’t want to paint it out like my ex is a bad person. He’s not at all. He needed my support so he reached out to me. He hasn’t really expected much of me except just some advice, love and care. The only thing is that when we meet, it’s like everything goes back to how we were when we were in a relationship. We hold hands, tell each other we love one another, we kiss. So it really confuses me.

He’s told me before that he needs to work on himself and get all his shit sorted before he can really focus on prioritising me. I asked for clarification of what it would mean for me if I continued to put my energy into him. Will it even lead to anything between us? He got upset at me and said that he has so much on his plate that he can’t worry about all of this right now, but eventually clarified that yes he does want to be with me in the future, he just can’t focus on that right now since his life is basically kind of falling apart. He says he needs someone he can trust (aka me) to talk to about things, but gets upset at me when I voice what I may need too.

I feel really guilty because I care about him a lot. I know that he’s struggling right now, and I know he loves me and is committed to me- he is not looking to be with anyone else. I also know that he literally has no one else to turn to right now, and he only reached out to me because he was feeling really alone and felt like he had no one else to turn to. But it’s like he expects that I will be able to give him everything, and shouldn’t question what this means for myself, my future or our relationship.

I’m really conflicted right now because on one hand I’m proud of myself for making my boundaries clear. I told him that if he can’t really commit much energy and time into me then that’s absolutely 100% within his right, and he should focus on himself so that he can do what he needs to do for himself, and himself only. But I also feel extremely guilty because I’m essentially also saying to him that I can’t be there for him when he’s been vulnerable enough to even reach out to me in the first place. He’s told me he feels really hurt and upset that I can’t try to put my feelings on hold even just for a bit to try and support him.

I know that if I were in his position, no matter what either of us were going through, whether we hadn’t talked in years or he was not doing the best; if he knew I needed him, he would 100% drop everything to be there for me. So I just need to know whether I was being unreasonable and selfish, or whether it’s okay for me to have done what I did.

I’m already fully aware that he and I shouldn’t be together due to all of our issues etc.

I just need advice on his particular scenario because I’m really questioning my feelings, and whether I am valid in feeling guilty but also confused.