I’m M34 – she is F 28 so I dated this girl about 3 months I met her off instagram! Had great dates we hit it off, easy conversation no argument or disagreements or awkward moments was very chivalrous, very supportive and attentive when she needed all for me to get ghosted then for her to reply a week later and told that she doesn’t know how to react to my nice gestures and they have caught her off Gaurd that I’m a gentleman. I communicated like and adult and told her I have feelings for her after many dates and spending days and nights together for more than 3 days at a time. Is this what the dating Scene is like in 2023 I don’t even want to date anymore to be honest it’s too much money time and effort and emotionally draining with all these new age games. Is everyone this emotionally unavailable? I been single about a year after getting out of a 6 year toxic relationship, this is my first time actually dating someone consistently and making a full effort.

Also she still watches my stories on instagram and text me saying she’s still open to going on dates but just not looking for a relationship or situationship right now. But I haven’t responded.

**thank you to all that have given advice or chimed in! I can see a lot of us have dealt with these types of situations ***

46 comments

  3. There can be various reasons she ended things. “Doesn’t know how to react to nice gestures” seems like nice excuse made to not hurt your feelings. Don’t think too much about that alleged reason.

  4. Not a first time for me… Lately a girl who i met told me, she prefeer to still be sugar baby than to be in relationship with me.

    I’m in my middle 30ies, i lost all hope to even Look for anyone. Lets make big bbq, have a drink and don’t think about girls.

  5. I’ve been having similar issues. Those with childhood trauma, attachment injuries and generally not knowing what a healthy relationship should be do often tend to retreat. And then they naturally accept the disorganized relationships they have always known because they are subconsciously attracted to it. I’m even noticing that I am myself retreating when I find out that the girl has other interests and even an ex they still have feelings for. They simply seem more likely to cheat because they don’t know how to set boundaries, and I have even observed this to be the case.

  6. You had great dates 3 days at a time for 3 months but you didn’t end up exclusive at any point in all this time? Jeez!!! Time, money and effort wasted.

  7. I feel you. I just had a similar thing happened to me. Dated this guy for 2 months but turned out he is emotionally unavailable. Super avoidant. It pains so much since I have feelings for him. Dating nowadays is exhausting…

  9. How do people find others off of Instagram? I feel like it’s awkward to just up and shoot your shot in someone’s dm unless you’ve known them for a bit. That’s just me.

  11. Sorry to say it, but she’s just not that into you. It’s nothing to do with apps or dating in 2023. It’s a story as old as time. Often people find it off putting when people are complementary when they don’t fancy them. You said you were in a six year toxic relationship. It might be time to take a look at your part in that, relationships are two way.

  12. I’m just getting out of a toxic relationship myself and honestly, I’m just content on sticking to myself because I have talked to a couple different men but it seems like they just can’t hold a decent enough conversation, and only put in minimal effort to even getting to know me. So I get where your coming from about dating, it feels like it’s not worth it sometimes.

  13. Wow..this exact thing happened to me..down to the details :I’m in my mid 30s, she’s 28. I was told I’m “too mature” when I invested understanding and patience when she had a thing come up when we were supposed to hang out (one of them being a surgery)…like “why aren’t you mad I cancelled plans at the last minute?” It ended after that cause she couldn’t handle a me being understanding and supportive of her needs.

    Your afterthoughts hit home..it kills any drive to keep your head up and try again…but we have to :/

  14. It’s very cringe and annoying.

    They often say they don’t know what it’s like being treated good so they crawl back to their abusive relationships.

    I have tried and failed to understand this.

  15. Just gotta hang in there. My boyfriend had a lot of those similar experiences before me and I think all those girls were crazy for ghosting him or walking away, but I also know I’ve been that girl before, too.

    We’re all humans on a journey and sometimes it sucks for us, the other person or both.

    It’s really just timing which is something no one can control. When I’d get ghosted or rejected, I learned that not taking it personally is the best way to go and that just gets better with practice. Hang in there!

  16. I don’t think it had anything to do with how nice you are. I think she just said that to spare your feelings. She probably felt no connection and didn’t know how to tell you. Dating apps are the worse. Younger generations do not know how to have a serious relationship. The majority just have multiple one night stands.

  17. It absolutely a shit show out there right now, I will say though that the one-sided “nice gestures” could be construed as some toxic guy shit, you should try treating women as partners, equals, there should be a give and take, let a woman buy you dinner, expect her to plan some dates, make it reciprocal, or otherwise find someone who is into the whole chivalry thing.

  18. It’s just one woman. Even if it were a few, I don’t think you should take stuff like this so personally. You’re not going to meet the best match right out the gate. You might have to date more than a few. I don’t see what is so doom and gloom about the scene, you just live in an age where there are more options. More opportunities for good experiences as well as bad ones. If you want to find someone more compatible then try dating a friend or acquaintance from work, hobbies, groups, or activities.

  19. So true can relate. Dated this guy for 2 months, turns out he just wanted to have a fling, didn’t mention anything about it before. I had feelings for him and for him to just randomly block me and vanish was hurtful. Dating theses days is exhausting you never know what the other person’s intentions are

  20. Hey man. Sucks that happened. What do you mean by chivalrous and nice gestures? Can you give some examples

  22. This! People just need to be honest and communicate. Especially if you are over 30 we are adults no need to ghost. It def has gotten worse in the dating game. Don’t give up though. You have to weed through a lot of dates, but stay in a situationship just because you may be lonely. Know your worth

  23. 24M, had a very similar situation. Dated this girl for 2 months and she seemed like she was head over heels in love. When i brought up making it serious she ghosted me and got back with her toxic ex of 4 years.
    8 months later she reaches out apologizing, saying I deserved more than what she gave me. We start dating for a month again. She buys be birthday gifts on my bday which was sweet. Then a couple days later i suggest brunch and she says lets do it the next day. To which when i reached out the next morning i never heard back for a week. A week later she reaches out saying she’s sorry for disappearing, going through it mentally/emotionally and that she just didn’t see us on the same path (which is bs cause we talked about it before and we were very similar lol).
    I think her toxic ex broke her. Modern dating is awful

  24. I just got out of a 5-year relationship, both online, and in person all the example is I’ve seen of dating these days, it’s amazing how much has changed in just 5 years. Honestly, I’m definitely holding off on dating or any of that sort for a long while just because I’m so terrified of how crappy it seems to be lately.

  25. 31F in the same boat…. except I can barely get a guy to leave his house to hangout with me. So…

  27. I just had the same issue, we dated for about 5 months, the most perfect relationship and we clicked so well, I was in love. But both of our mental health was dropping and while I was wanting to support him, he ghosted me and now we’re on no speaking terms.

  28. Not everyone is emotionally unavailable, but I think that the dating culture is so toxic that it is teaching people to become so… As being someone who wants a very healthy normal relationship the dating scene is truly disappointing

  29. I’m really sorry you went through this. I agree that the dating scene is pretty trash. It’s actually alarming how people act sometimes

  30. >Is everyone this emotionally unavailable?

    Yup. 26F and last three guys Ive been with (all6+ months) would only want me for sex untill a better option came along/didn’t want a commitment because their life is too busy.
    Now obviously this will in some part be in my own flaws/ not be what they are looking for etc, but men in general that I know want the sex and relationship with none of the ties.

  31. I’m sorry you dealt with this. I NEVER will understand ghosting after being close with someone. You can at least let someone know. It’s hard out here.

  32. Was on dating apps from March to August (tinder, bumble, hinge, and Facebook dating). Had maybe 6 different people actually show up for a date, 3 second dates, 2 hookups, and easily 20-30 ghostings or slow fades. I had such a sour taste in my mouth from it all that I would bomb the dates that actually came through, so I opted to take myself off the market and work on myself. I can’t believe we let common courtesy drop so low

  33. Same! Dated a girl for a month. We were super into each other and always had a great time. She never seemed to want our dates to end. That said, she acted really weird whenever I’d be nice to her as if she didn’t know what to say or do. Then all of a sudden she said she didn’t feel a connection and broke things off just out of the blue.

  34. Yes. This is how dating is now. Sadly. Options breeds indecision.
    I wouldn’t give up though, maybe just change your approach and outlook on dating. A lot of women don’t appreciate the super nice, emotionally available guy > the more mysterious guy. I’m sure the same goes for men’s preference with women. You should leave a little more mystery in the beggining. Just my 2 cents for what it’s worth.

  35. Had a girl ghost me after a few dates like two years ago we went from talking everyday to not talking at all of a sudden. It broke my heart and took me a while to recover. I had a crush on her since I met her and I felt like I had a solid chance in being with her. A few months later she posted on Snapchat and I messaged her. She apologized and said I’m too nice etc. I really felt like that was the end of it. A few months at Friendsgiving we ran into each other but I had to pretend like we never met since non of our friends knew about us dating. By then she was with another man and a step child. To this day it stings a little bit but I have moved on we rarely talk anymore and it’s a shame a friendship just ended like that

  36. I haven’t gotten laid in 4 years, let alone emotionally connected with anyone. You’re not alone.

  37. I think she’s lying. Probs was seeing others and just picked someone else. Move on. Some you win. Some you lose.

  38. She shouldn’t have wasted your time, I get you. But I understand where she is coming from. I used to have the same issue. A man would come at me with good intentions and I wasn’t used to it, I’d get scared of my own feelings and run away. Of course that’s just my experience. Bottom line is she just isn’t ready for you. Don’t get jaded, good women are out there 😁

  39. It sucks. I had a a girl that told me multiple times she was interested up until the point we were supposed to start dating and the moment I asked her out she disappeared for like a month. I’m friends with her Bestfriend who is my best friends Fiancé and she has told me multiple times that she asks about me which is insane to me. If your interested make it concise and don’t just ghost someone. It’s a childish move

  40. Most women don’t want a good man anymore. They want someone who’s going to play with their emotions and elicits excitement in weird ways. Being a good man is considered the bare minimum these days lmao.

    I’ve had plenty of women give me the, “you’re too nice” or the “I guess I’m just not ready for someone like you”. It just means they’re immature and need to be heartbroken a few more times before they realize what a healthy relationship and dating looks like.

    Good luck bro, the right woman will come along someday.

  41. A lot of people opt for situationships nowadays and are also unable to be honest and direct while being thoughtful and caring at the same time. Too bad quality communication is not being taught anywhere. So, it’s either sorry excuses like the one you’ve been served or a ghosting machine. Or both. The internet, apps and all just accelerates everything catering massively to this shopping mentality where dating a single person feels like “missing on the other great items in the shop”. All of that pushes people more towards situationships. And voila, the circle closes.

  42. Maybe you’re too nice. When people are too nice, it’s like they treat you with a level of respect that they expect to be returned, and you can tell they get irritated when you don’t reciprocate.

    Be nice, but if it’s not returned either address it or don’t do the same thing. Match the vibe of the other person or you’ll kinda come on too strong or seem like you have an agenda.

  43. In 2023 when you’re dating and you show interest in a person apparently that makes you weird. People are so scared of real genuine connections and relationships that anything that aligns with that freaks them out. You text back to fast, your clingy. You go on a date and tell them “I had a nice time” you like them and now they think you’re moving too fast or being too nice. SHIT IS WICKED! Showing affection and interest is extremely denormalized in modern day society. Everyone is so scared of falling first and but want closeness but get scared because they can’t except love. No, liking someone and showing interest does not make you a “simp” or clingy or too romantic. Keep doing what you’re doing, someone will like what you do for them and stay. Bye now

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