F(24) this has been on my mind a lot lately.
i can walk into a mall and see a very pretty woman in every store, walking by, everywhere really. But walk through the whole place and see maybe if I am lucky 2 men i genuinely find attractive.

This just doesn’t make sense to me.
I’ve had dating apps in the past and literally counted how many swipes til i find someone attractive. I once swiped all the way to the end of the card stack for 100 mile radius without swiping right once.

Everyone kept telling me that women can learn to become attracted to a man. And that once she falls for his personality he’ll be more attractive in her eyes.

Well I tried this okay.

I’ve only been in one relationship and he was a really nice guy. I wanted to try to drop my standards and try to push away my attraction issues. But the relationship ended bc i felt he deserved someone who could meet his needs, and love him properly bc couldn’t meet his needs sexually bc I was not attracted to him. He held the door, bought me gifts, listened to my day. But I didn’t like looking at him. He didn’t moisturizer and had dry skin. And a patchy beard he wouldn’t shave or clean up. I’d have to beg him to brush his teeth. And he gained 50 lbs during our relationship. I talked to him about it, bought him moisturizer he wouldn’t use.

i don’t think my standards are out the roof. Im not wanting a 10/10 at all. Someone who’s clean, like actually cares for there body. Trims and cleans nails. Takes care of there teeth. Skin care.

I’ve also realized i seem to like more feminine men, and half the time when I actually find a guy attractive he’s not into women. I feel this is bc of the overall effort they tend to put in.

I don’t care about height, just someone who’s lean or tone built like tom holland. (Don’t go off me using a celebrity for height and body wise just wanted an example I get he’s unattainable hot okay)

it seems like men in my age group, they let themself go. dad bods and no sense of fashion now, balding, look older than there age, just worn out.

Which I get life is hard. But I’ve stayed fit, never drank much, never smoked, and get facials and my other self care things on a regular basis.

It’s really getting to me. I work retail and see 100+ ppl every day at work and some days won’t see even one good looking guy.

I don’t feel I should have to lower my physical attraction standards. Actually I can’t lower them even if I wanted too. But I’m so tired of this.

38 comments

  1. I know this is serious but I laughed so hard that tears came out of my eyes. I’m not physically attracted to a lot of people either

  3. I feel like this is definitely about where you live!
    You should move to a city where things, and people, are happening!

    I don’t recommend settling for scaly skin or beer bellies at 24 🤦🏻‍♀️ noooo!

    What you like are METROSEXUAL men.
    Read about it 😉
    I had one of those.. 10/10 recommended ;P

  4. Sounds like you’re just more attracted to women. Have you ever kissed a woman?

    >men in my age group, they let themself go. dad bods and

    You’re 24 right? Or is it 34 because I’m confused, if 24 yr old guys have dad bods idk where you live?!?

  8. I’m somewhat similar with women. Sounds like I’m not quite as picky as you are, but I’m uninterested in like 90+%

  9. I’m 19F and I face the same issue! I’m bisexual but I find more attractive girls around me than guys. I think it’s because usually girls take care of themselves properly and guys don’t. I temporarily moved to a different city and found so many hot guys there! You should definitely try that!! I’m equally attracted to both sexes but the amount of care that most guys put into themself is pathetic; hence, the difficulty.

  10. I would think you’re either into girls, you rely more on emotional attraction before you see a guy attractive, or even what you look for in a guy does not align with where you are currently. Using a celebrity that many women would agree is super attractive would indicate you might have given in too much to Hollywood standards.

    One thing we can say about Tom Holland is he has a babyface, but very masculine facial features. Slim build with a nicely toned core. If you yourself are there in shape as well such as zumba or yoga classes multiple times a week, then that’s fair. If not, your standards are beyond your current situation.

    If you aren’t European you should try checking out Europe. You’ll see a lot more of that sort of physical attributes and tastes in looking good. Like the Italians, Parisians, and Swedes.

    Also, if you aren’t living in a major city, then you could find that same sort of style right in your major city. People in major cities often try to make a name for themselves, so they want to look good with image being important.

  15. Do girls that like feminine men usually not like beards on men even if they’re otherwise feminine looking?

  17. It’s okay. You like what you like, and dating someone with the right qualities and even finding someone with the ability to improve themselves is really hard.

    I’ve kind of had the same issue but on the other side of the gender spectrum. I like girls with similar things in common, a bit tomboyish, but because of that I also find girls with bad hygiene. Same issues, where their breath is gross and they don’t shower. I try not to hold unrealistic expectations but then I feel like I compromise a bit too much sometimes just because I like their personality.

  19. >And a patchy beard he wouldn’t shave or clean up. I’d have to beg him to brush his teeth. And he gained 50 lbs during our relationship. I talked to him about it, bought him moisturizer he wouldn’t use

    You dated a bottom of the barrel guy and you’re saying you can’t find any guy more attractive?

    I mean as a lean and in shape guy, who grooms himself and always seems overdressed because most guys walk around like slobs, with no sense of style whatsoever, I still see enough guys who’d I say are attractive, in good shape and have style, and I’m not gay.

    Somehow this post seems odd.

  21. You just have a type. You shouldn’t lower your physical attraction standards because attraction is important. I’ve tried dating woman I’m not attracted to that much because they are great woman but I don’t find myself falling for them.

  22. These are the reasons as per my analysis

    Guys aren’t really taught to focus upon their looks.

    A lot of guys think that people are born hot or not and that’s why they think they can’t change even though just a few habits are required to change. Used to think like that in school but changed that during covid and tried the good habits so I can advocate that you can change.

    Plus influencers normalising Habits that aren’t good like plus size models and stuff.

    A lot of guys have been treated like shit for so long that it’s difficult for them to imagine that they can change themselves for good

  24. Neither am I. It’s hard to find a dude I’m attracted to physically. Women on the other hand, super easy. I’m bi. But, yeah I feel like women put more effort into the appearance than most men do. Pretty women are everywhere.

  25. To answer your question, you have a type of guy that you are specifically attracted to (Tom Holland equivalent). Which isn’t too hard to find, maybe? Try getting into Gymnastics. That’s what Tom Holland did growing up, I’m sure you can find someone like him there.

    I don’t believe you have to lower your standards, in fact I think it’s good to have high standards! We as a society need to demand more effort from men and women equally.

    All that being said, you didn’t have to roast me and 90-95% of men out here goddayuum 💀

  26. This is so relatable lol. Thought I was the only one who felt like this! And contrary to many of the comments, I’m definitely not a lesbian.

  27. All the people calling you gay are ridiculous. If someone is not sexually attracted and has no interest in dating women, they are not a lesbian. Just because it’s hard for them to find their type of man, that’s not how sexuality works. Lol. Studies show that 90% of women find only 1-2% of men attractive. Do you seriously think 90% of women are lesbians? I have a gay male friend who has the same problem; he finds most guys in our local area unattractive.

  28. Men are not as attractive as women. Why is that, biology. For basically all of human history, men wanted attractive women. These were the most likely women to reproduce. Men were not chosen for their attractiveness, but for their ability to survive and sustain the family unit. What would it matter if you were attractive if you couldn’t survive and died? Things like strength, intelligence, physical/mechanical aptitude are traits that allowed for survival and thriving as a species for most of human history. I would argue that most men, if they applied themselves, would find they excel in one of these areas.

    Add on top of this relative attractiveness. Before social media and even the internet, you didn’t have much view into the lives of other people. Those guys at the mall are all you saw. Those 1-2 guys you say now that are the only ones you find attractive, they might have been the most attractive guys in town. The relative attractiveness standard was lower because you saw more normal people. Online, you constantly see the top 0.01% of attractive people and feel like that is more common than it is.

  30. I went through a phase like this. A lot of men don’t put in effort but I think I reached a point where I was also so disgusted with the behavior of men I had experienced that I was just very turned off to all of them.

  31. Because of unrealistic beauty standards that are portrayed in media. You are essentially brainwashed to think all men need to be above 6ft, full head of hair and a 6 pack. None of that is real and few have or can achieve it.

  34. Girl same!!! Do you live in the US? Bc I do and I swear I thought all women were just naturally 10x more attractive than men and that was just biology. I was just like you where I would see 100 beautiful women for every 1 attractive man… WELL let me tell you something…. I am in Spain and Portugal right now… holy crap… then men here are stunning! Like the average man here is so ridiculously attractive it’s insane and the biggest difference is the men here take care of themselves and put effort into their appearance. They are all fit, healthy, and well groomed and dressed… The problem with men in the US is that they don’t care more do they put any effort into their appearance at all. It turns out I’m not a lesbian after all… I’ve just been living in the wrong country lol I think you might be experiencing the same thing… Midwest USA men are just not it lol

  36. Personally, I find women more attractive than men. Women take care of themselves more than men do. We can also put on makeup, hair, better clothing selection, skincare etc. While men don’t have as many options there.

    I’m not attracted to women sexually but just find women so beautiful. It’s possible you might be attracted to girls but I also just wanted to let you know that I think this is a very common sentiment.

  37. I don’t see how Tom Holland is all that attractive, let alone an unattainable level of attractiveness, but that is neither here nor there. If you don’t like anyone you see walking around the mall you work in then you may wish to venture outside of the mall and actually meet people through more practical dating avenues instead of waiting to encounter a random stranger in the same location and hoping for a different outcome everytime. Keep in mind that a single man who does happen to meet your standards may not be interested in dating a superficial 24 year-old who still works mall retail, however, so you may need to put in more effort than you do now in order to attract one.

  38. What country are you in? Im in America and didn’t find a good amount of men attractive until I went to Asia. They took better care of their appearance and generally had better hygiene

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