Back when I was in highschool, I sat by myself in lunch and classes and several people came up to me and asked if I wanted to sit with their friends or sit and eat with me.
Now as a young adult, I had different jobs with lots of young around my age and whenever I was by myself while everyone around my was chatting, some people would go up to me and ask if I wanted to meet their friends and if I was new.I remember working at a Ihop and a couple of girls and guys tried to befriend me and asked if I would like to join them and their coworkers for lunch or usually come up to me randomly and “check on me”.
I am not hot or anything, just a average looking guy whos a little overweight. I say that because some people assume people are nice to me because im some cute girl or something.this doesnt happen when I am talking with at least one person.It feels kind of pathetic and humiliating a little. especially the high school one. I feel like people were nice to me because they thought I would be a school shooter or something.I remember overhearing one girl at the IHOP I worked at say to our coworkers “aww whys he all alone? is he new?”Not even sure what answer I am looking or what I wanna do about this.
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Yeah they just felt sorry for you. Nothing wrong with being comfortable being alone but a lot of people will see that and think, “oh that poor guy, he must not have any friends! Maybe he gets bullied. I’ll go save him.”
Did they say that about the school shooter thing, or anything else?
Do you maybe just automatically reject the hypothesis you’re likable?
People naturally tend to seek community. When you prefer your own company, people are just looking out for you by making sure it’s a choice and not about being ostracized. Doesn’t mean you give off school shooter vibes at all, I’d do it if I saw anyone sitting alone. That being said, if you don’t want to give off school shooter vibes, a smile and a “I’m fine, thank you” would be just fine if you don’t feel like socializing.
I wish people came up to me and envited me to their group
You fortunate son of a gun
You are lucky as hell if people come up to you and want to know you. I feel like it’s the exact opposite with me.
Because you’re lucky. A lot of times, people who sit alone just get left alone, and remain alone, and sad.
Because they themselves would feel lonely in your position, and would like it if someone was friendly to them. It’s an effort to be kind, just misplaced because they don’t realize you want to be alone. You may also be making an expression that they misinterpret as being sad, so they want to cheer you up.
They are projecting their own mindset onto you, not realizing you’re different from them. “I see this person alone. If I were alone, I would be miserable. Therefore, this person is miserable. Being miserable is bad. I know what makes me not miserable. These things should make this person not miserable, too. I shall do the things that make me not miserable to this person and then they won’t be miserable anymore. I’m helping!”
Because people want to get to know you. Do you NOT want to socialize and have friends?
What’s your secret? I’d love it if this happened to me.
Well you’re lucky to have that.
Back in primary/highschool I struggled and wished I had people invite me like they do you
Bro, you’re in a slice-of-life beautiful anime situation right now.
Most folks don’t give two fucks about you…
So to be in a situation where people are trying to be nice and include you is good.
But….I guess, f you don’t want nothing to do with any of it. It’s cool to bow out. Hopefully your not just staring into space like a weirdy. Be on your phone/reading/music…etc
Because they feel sorry for you and want to help you feel included?
I’ve done this to a decent amount of people throughout school and work and other things. I see someone alone and just ask if they’d like to join me whether it be lunch, an activity, a project, just having some free time, etc. I never assume anything bad about these people or that they’re potential “school shooters” i just have known how bad it can feel to be alone especially like at lunch in high school. I know some people don’t mind but majority of the time when I ask, people seem very happy to have been approached and to have some people to talk to. Some people do jusy deny me and say no thanks I’m good and I just smile and say okay. It doesn’t hurt me and I don’t think anything of it. I also completely understand wanting to be alone. If you want to be alone , it’s fine to reject these people but I wouldn’t assume they have bad intentions. If you don’t actually like being alone, then I would try and accept these peoples advances and just see what comes of it:)
I am honestly jealous.
People try to be kind. Try to be polite in return.
Most likely it’s due to how you present yourself
maybe the face,
maybe you have a “resting smile” face,
maybe it’s your clothing style,
maybe it’s your acessories,
maybe it’s how you treat everyone around you,
maybe is that you put yourself out there kind of unknowingly,
maybe there’s some merit in you that you, yourself, don’t see but others do,
maybe you’re cute,
maybe you are hot and sexy,
maybe you look cool,
maybe you act mysterious,
maybe you exude intelligence with a bright look in your eyes,
maybe it’s not what you are right now but what’s “right around the corner” regarding who you might be or become,
or, maybe, it’s just luck.
Just take it and chin up! Enjoy, just don’t forget to pay it forward, maybe.
You know how every second post on Reddit is people asking how to make friends and meet new people? That’s how. You ask people who look alone to join you.
Just tell them you’re taking a break from socializing. I prefer to eat lunch alone too, I just want to watch a movie during my break and take a quiet walk. People assumed something was wrong until I explained I just prefer to not speak during my breaks lol!
You should be happy about it. I wish people did that to me but i suppose im scary or something for some
Bro I’m jealous
Count yourself lucky that you live in a community full of decent people. They don’t pity you. They see you by yourself and extend an invitation to sit together. That’s all. There’s plenty of examples where someone by themselves asks if they can sit with a group only to be told ‘no’. There is so much hatefulness going around. Having people actively try and include you multiple times is restoring my faith in humanity. Out of curiosity, do you live in a small town or city and what State or area of the country do you live in. Kindness seems so rare these days, I must know.
You’re very lucky. I consider myself an ordinary looking guy but, when I’ve been sitting alone, no one has ever asked me to join them. I blame my resting bitch face!
I don’t find it odd that people befriend you. Why don’t you befriend people? Perhaps you are projecting your insecurities onto others? I personally don’t befriend people because I feel like they are less than or prone to violence, I do it because I enjoy other people’s company.
Hey OP, dunno if this applies to you, but i used to think people only sought my company out of pity. It took me a lot of time and effort to realize this was just low self esteem, and that i needed to learn to trust that often people don’t actually have an ulterior motive to hang with me – they genuinely enjoyed my company.
Regardless of whether you prefer solitude or not, your post comes off as projecting your insecurities onto other people’s intentions. Might be worth digging into, see if a perspective change can do you some good.
It is empathy because they don’t want you to feel excluded, basically the opposite of bullying. You should appreciate this gest, and accept their invitation.
I actually think someone sittin by themselves have more interesting things to say than the extroverts who have a couple of people always around. You’re mysterious.