I’m away from my girlfriend of a year for a bit and was talking to her about when I need to come back. She was pushing me to stay till the end of the month to which I said I’d want to come earlier as I have to go back to the office and then said that I’m missing her. She reacted with a love heart reaction to the message ( this is the second time I’ve told her I’m missing her and she’s done the same). I said how come there’s no miss you too and she ignored it again. I called her as I was a bit confused as to why she was being a bit cold recently to which she said she’s stressed and it’s her hormones, she then started crying and put the phone down.
In her defence she has had exams which finished today but before I messaged her. After the call I messaged her and apologised to her for making her cry but explained it just wasn’t nice to be treated so cold given I was just trying to show her love, she said when she’s stressed she just wants space which I’m giving her by being in a city 4 hours away and that she doesn’t want to be lovey dovey, I just expected a bit of love to be reciprocated. She then said yep but I don’t miss you because you add stress and I already feel like shit and you’ve just made me feel worse. Now this really hurt me, she then said she was just being honest with how she felt.
Idk how to feel, I’m quite hurt but also understand you can’t force someone to miss you but I just feel like she purposely went out of her way to make a point to prove that she didn’t miss me and it seems quite callous. Like in hindsight I should’ve just looked past it but in general she has these moments where she goes very cold and it makes me feel like shit. I just feel like it’s such a normal human response to just say miss you too if someone says miss you and showing she doesn’t was just really unnecessary. Is this normal and am I being weird, I wish I didn’t make it into a big deal but it made me feel kinda shitty and unimportant.
I’ve been busy before too and if she would say miss you I would always say it back rather than ignoring it to prove a point that I’m busy and that’s just how it feels to me.
TLDR- my girlfriend said she doesn’t miss me after I said I miss her which seemed rather cruel to me. She said it’s because she’s stressed and it has left me feeling like shit, not sure what to do in this situation.
8 comments
You were being pretty pushy when you knew she was stressed. She didn’t purposefully do anything until you pushed the issue. It feels like you are being insecure and starting to stifle her. How much are you texting and talking while apart? Why would she miss you that much if you are in contact all the time?
How long have you both been dating?
Back off man.
You need to let her come to you.
I’ve actually had the same issue with my boyfriend before (him traveling and me not saying I miss him). If it gives you some insight, the reason why I don’t tell him I miss him or to come back sooner is because I have to disassociate a little bit if that makes sense. It’s like if I think about missing him a lot than I inevitably will so I just don’t think about it. I also always want him to feel like he is free as an individual so that is part of it. I wouldn’t read into it!
After the 500th thousand guy posted “she said she needs space and acts cold, what should i do reddit?”
It’s not normal that she doesn’t miss you and is stressed by you, at this point you don’t know it yet, but she’s checking out.
Someone who is absolutely in love with you doesn’t need space, and they don’t act cold and they miss you.
So, before you decide to check out of this relationship, let me explain to you why she feels stressed.
Covert Contracts
It’s a way that codependent men use to find love and approval by others. Naturally they come over as extremely disingenuous and ppl tend to blow them up. “I’m so nice! why don’t ppl recognize me?” Or in your case “I’m emotional available and softhearted, why don’t she miss me”
Seeking for approval
You basically asked her for why she doesn’t say i miss you back, this is extremely unattractive and extremely needy.
Things like that cannot faze you, because confidence if an attractive trait, while being needy isn’t.
If the other person doesn’t want, then they don’t want. There’s no communication to changes anything.
Maybe trough the relationship you also tried to make her happy, and didn’t said enough time no, to something you don’t like, who knows.
I hate to say it because it gives off the vibe that i want to bully you, but could it be that you’re too emotional? Being emotionally a bit more under control allows the other person to miss you more actually, abd you also aren’t a pushover so much because you can assert yourself better in the relationship by having boundaries, which gives the other person again more security.
I don’t know dude, you might take a look at those things otherwise all your relationships end the same way.
Also, nobody loves you unconditionally except your parents.
Right now this sounds extremely devastating, i get it, i was once like you, but if you take your time and work on your codependency you will look at this and understand.
If she doesn’t miss you, why should you return?
She ain’t the one, fam ❤️
Uuuuuh…I’m away from my gf for 1 day and I miss her. She feels the same way and tells me. I tell her all the time too. You shouldn’t feel bad.
Do you think exams are the only stressful thing you’ll go through? Life is filled with challenges! You’ll need to lean on each other time and time again.
Do you really want to be with someone long term who pushes you away when they’re supposed to need you?