We were on and off for 4 years. Ended things about a month ago but we were still in pretty close contact with each other. Although we were long distance we made it work. I knew he was having issues with his apartment but I did not known the extent of said issues and I did not know he was full blown facing eviction until the incident of him randomly flying out to my apartment came about. About 3 days ago I am taking a nap and get a knock at my door. It’s him with his suitcases. He greets me and is weirdly avoidant as to what’s going on. He didn’t say anything and I did not know at all he was coming. He even quit his job and didn’t have any job lined up when he got here. I eventually got him to tell me his plan was to stay with me 1-2 months while he got a job, and saved up money to find his own place. I would of never agreed to this honestly. I asked him if he could go find a hotel he tells me no he doesn’t have enough money. I honestly don’t know what to do. If I kick him out he will be on the streets but honestly I really don’t want him here. I live in a studio apartment and I work from home. Along with that I simply just don’t want him here. I need advice on how to navigate this situation. Should I kick him out? Should I come up with a plan? Do I let him stay?
35 comments
he’s abusing you and counting on your hospitality. Call a friend or family member of his – let them know “I’m kicking him out right now. You need to either support him or he will be on the street. But he is trespassing in my home and if he doesn’t leave on his own accord, I WILL call the police to have him removed.” DO NOT allow him to stay. Under NO circumstances. No no no no no.
Tell him no. If he refuses to leave, call the police. He sounds like a creep.
EDIT: Not sure how, but I wrote this not realizing he was an ex. He’s trespassing. Get the cops involved from the jump.
kick him out asap!!
Call the police. If he is there right now, go somewhere private.
Tell them:
>I don’t know what to do. I am scared. I broke up with my ex who was long distance. He showed up to my house unannounced with a bag.
>
>I was scared so I let him in.
>
>But I want him out and I am scared for my safety.
They will come and deal with it.
The more you let this develop, the less likely they will be able to help.
Get him out asap. Communicate to the cops that its a threat to your safety.
This is his problem, not yours.
Kick him out right now! If he refuses to leave, call the police.
Unless you own your place, you most likely can’t even have people staying continuously for that period of time. At one point he would have some tenants rights there and even without that he can cause a whole host of issues if he stays there, uses your address etc.
Plus this is really really not okay and if he pulls something like this, he won’t get back on his feet. He should have used whatever money he spent on his flight to get his accommodation sorted in the city where he lived. Like rent a bedsit for the love of everything that is holy, not fly out to an ex. That is incredibly unhinged.
No. This is ambush-style manipulation to try to guilt you into making his problem your responsibility. Do not let him stay.
What the fuck?!? Who even does that??!
This man is not safe or trustworthy. Do anything you can to get and keep him out of your home.
Kick him out. You aren’t dating and he’s uninvited. If you can afford it, give him enough money for a bus ride home and send him on his way.
If your lease has restrictions, blame the landlord.
Honestly pretty shocked you actually let him in. You should’ve closed the door in his face and called the cops if he didn’t leave. But clearly he knew he could manipulate you. And I mean he was right, he did. You need to get him out of the apartment and tell him to fuck off. Please stand up for yourself here.
he is a Bumb, and he is taking advantage of you. tell him you want him out or you will call the police. he is no longer your problem.
Please keep us updated, OP.
There’s a reason he chose you to do this to: he thinks you won’t have the spine to stand up for yourself. It’s up to you to prove him wrong.
If you feel your nerve slipping, remember there is a gaggle of internet strangers waiting to hear from you that he is gone.
Do not let him make you feel guilty. His hard luck is not your responsibility, and it’s not cold or uncaring to say so. It IS cold and uncaring to show up on someone’s doorstep with the intention of manipulating them into taking care of you.
Good luck. We know you can do it.
Throw his stuff out
You say “No” and “Get the fuck out”.
Don’t let people like this use you.
No don’t let him stay wtf. Your broke up. His ass isn’t your problem.
Why the heck did you let him in in first place?
I can make you a sign that says no hobosexuals allowed. Post it in several places, including the front door. Make sure to tell him he isn’t welcome now, call the cops after like 24 hours. If he stays to many days he can potentially claim some insane rights as a squatter or tenant or whatever.
So ya, no hobosexuals.
of course you kick him out. What kind of a stupid idea did he have to just do that?
He can always return home. Friends, family, he can return to them and not bother you.
So kick him out, tell him you will not house him.
call some friends over to be there with you before you attempt to kick him out!! this is so fucking unsafe omg
KICK HIM OUT! He wants to live off you for months? It’s going to turn into years!
People can’t just show up at your door demanding you house them. I don’t know what kind of manipulation he put you through but you CAN say no. Tell him to pack up his stuff and get out of you’ll call the cops.
Once he moves in, he’ll never move out. And/or it’ll be 10x more difficult to get him out. Don’t let it get that far.
Literally call the police and scream at him to leave if you have to. Do NOT let him stay. Fuuuuuck no. Don’t do it!
OUT
When somebody shows up to your house and goes “hey I’m moving in” you say “no you’re not” and then you don’t let them in your house
>Should I kick him out?
Yes
you should have never let him in the door. But now that he’s there you tell him to leave, immediately. If he refuses you call the sheriff’s department to remove him. Don’t delay. Every day he stays he’s closer to establishing residency and the harder it gets to get rid of him.
Call the police
You kick him out. Make sure to have a friend with you when you do it.
As to him having no place to go, that isn’t your problem. How dare he just show up as if he’s entitled to your home. He is NOT.
If you let him stay, be prepared to deal with his shit for a long time.
He is betting that you still have feelings for him and he can rekindle the relationship so he has a place to stay. This whole thing is stupid. He had the money to buy a plane ticket, so he probably didn’t get it at the last minute. He had PLENTY of time to ask you in advance.
Put him OUT.
Kick him out, this is INSANE!!!!
He flew to your location without a job and expected to show up and live with you for a few months rent and bill free??? NO!!!!!!!
I would be on the phone with police if he wouldn’t leave. His inability to plan is NOT your issue to solve. You can be in a world of hurt if you let him stay, you would be tasked with evicting him because lord knows he doesn’t sound like he will follow through. Also, can you even allow him to stay with you without facing issues with your lease?
You sound like a really nice person and he is banking on that to take advantage of you. DO NOT LET HIM!!!
He’s trying to manipulate you.
No reasonable person would ever assume that it’s cool if they quit their job, fly across the country and show up at their exes house unannounced expecting to live there. That’s absolutely ridiculous and makes me think this dude has mental problems. If you ask him to leave, maybe you should have a couple of people there just in case.
Oh hell no.
No job, no money….. go be a parasite on someone else.
I don’t deal with people who can’t take care of themselves.
Sorry, not sorry.
I guarantee he has hidden way more from you than you could imagine. He might have been pulling this same game on someone else, which is why he was having ‘apartment problems’. He is quite possibly into drugs. People who behave like this have so many dark secrets.
Don’t waste time trying to give a relative. That is naive advice. He is already homeless, and probably not for the first time. There are homeless shelters. He has options, but yours is the most appealing because it comes with sex. Do not trust this guy. He is dangerous. Call the police right now. Don’t even argue with this guy because he could become violent or break your phone. Once he is out, lock your doors and don’t open for him again.
You should start gathering evidence for a restraining order, in case he starts stalking you. You can record your interactions with him, which will also help keep you safe. Good luck and keep us posted!
First, get someone to come over. Then, “You can’t stay. I need you to leave, now. If you don’t, I’m calling the police and having you removed.”
KICK HIM OUT RIGHT FUCKING NOW