Recently my [21F] first long term boyfriend [21M] broke up with me after almost a year together. I was also his first girlfriend, and overall first romantic experience (even kiss). We got along well, never fought, but then he started becoming more distant. We talked about it and he said he wasn’t sure how emontionally invested he was in the relationship anymore. We kept going for another month, but then he said he wanted to end things. He has an extremely busy schedule, which also didn’t help.
It was a amicable break up, even though I hoped things would get better. There was no fight, he just said he needed to be single and figure out his own stuff. I kinda saw it coming. I guess he wasn’t ready for a relationship, and he just couldn’t communicate his needs that well.
We broke up a month ago and haven’t talked at all since. We go to the same college and have mutual friends, so I’m sure I’ll bump into him sooner or later.
I was just wondering if anyone has similar experiences, advice and if you ever got back together. I’m not holding onto hope, but he was my first love so I had higher expectations. I’m not planning on forcing anything, or asking him to take me back.
TLDR: My first boyfriend broke up with me recently, and I wanted to ask others’ what was their first relationship experience like, and if they ever got back together.
9 comments
First love is rarely last love, sorry.
Same happened to me around your age. First relationship, first everything; he broke up with me in college because — yes — he needed time to figure things out. We never did get back together. He tried once to rekindle and I was over it by that time. But many years later, we are close friends.
Broke up.
Also, the longevity of a relationship is not measured by lack of conflict. Conflict in many ways is important for a relationship.
My first long term relationship was 6years. I was with him from 15yo to 21. We broke up when we were 18 because I was going to uni abroad and we thought it would be too hard. But rekindled a few months later and we’re together until 21. I didn’t see the second breakup (he broke up with me) coming until a week or two before and i was devastated. Tried being friends but it blew up within a few months and I haven’t spoken or seen him since (it’s been 11 years). I hear he has a kid now.
>I was just wondering if anyone has similar experiences, advice and if you ever got back together.
Eh, my first breakup wasn’t that similar. She was two years older than me, my first everything (and her first lover), we dated for several months and then she went off to college, and within a few months she asked if she could open the relationship and have me be her “at home boyfriend” and a new guy be her “at school boyfriend.” Eventually came out she’d been hooking up with him for a few weeks. Led to a fight and breakup, my heart was broken, I cried my tears but I got over it. She tried to take it all back a couple weeks later but thankfully I had the self-respect to turn her down. I don’t think we ever really met up in person again, though we did have stilted online conversations a few more times and remained Facebook friends for years. She ended up marrying the guy she had been cheating on me with, which, in hindsight, was a good thing – she was happy, and I never had that opportunity to go back to her that I might have considered if they broke up.
Breakups suck, and the first serious ones almost always hurt the most. But looking back now, two decades later, I have a LOT more perspective than I had at the time and I’m really glad we broke up when we did. Trying to make an LDR work after she’d cheated on me would have led to months of misery and arguments. She was a nice girl, but not always nice to me, and definitely not someone I’d want to have spent the rest of my life with, even though at the time I thought she was “the one.” I dated people later who I connected with much better, in terms of personality, humor, interests, respect, and sexual chemistry. If I had stuck with her, I would have had a much less fulfilling relationship and life, even though I wouldn’t have known what I was missing at the time.
Best of luck, OP. It hurts less with time, and some day in the future it won’t hurt at all.
My first relationship was at 18 with my (now) husband. I had never dated or had any beyond-friends contact with anyone before him. We met on Twitter, began long distance dating within a few months (continued for 8) and then I visited his country (Australia > Canada). I did buy a return ticket but never used it. I have been here for about 12 years now. We married in 2018 and have stayed in Canada, same city the whole time.
Lots of ups and downs, lots of growing together, still in love. We believe we are soulmates. We have only had 1 instance of almost separating (this month, actually – initiated by me) but we got past it and we’re closer than we’ve ever been.
Sounds like he was honest with you, which is honestly a blessing. First relationships especially can be really messy just because both parties don’t have the maturity or experience to really navigate it, so that’s a huge plus it worked out.
Honestly, you can’t really know for sure whether there’s a chance to get back together without talking to him. That being said, I would give him, and yourself, some space from the situation before approaching that topic. However much time that may be I can’t say, but at the point when this is all over and brushed under the rug, see if you’re still thinking about the relationship and about him and notice if your perceptions have changed at all. That’s just advice from one guy, take it with a grain of salt.
A lot can weigh into interpersonal relationships, romantic and platonic alike. Attachment styles, living situation, mental health, financial situations, and a multitude of other things can change how a person acts. At the end of the day, I recommend keeping an open mind and trying to focus more on yourself instead of him, in the sense that I wouldn’t recommend dwelling on the situation and asking too many questions about it. Until a conversation is ready to be had, speculation will not do you any good.
I wish you the best, hope this helped.
Breakups suck, but they suck so much more when it’s your first. You’ll be ok. You probably won’t get back together, but that’s a good thing.
I had my first bf at your age , i was too naive and innocent.Used to think he’s the one and we’d be married by 25. Gradually realised he was a complete narcissist, I didn’t know back then.Didn’t know how to let go so it continued on and off for many years. Finally I grew up over the years and realised my worth,broke up and not at all in touch.But that relationship taught me a lot and made me stronger and wiser.I am still thankful and I hope he’s doing good.