Hi! Like lots of women, I(23F) can’t cum from PIV sex. When we have sex, my husband(23M) will sometimes make an effort to try to make me cum using his fingers or mouth before moving to PIV. He doesn’t want to make me cum after he does, because he always gets really tired and and doesn’t have the energy.
We have sex about 5-6 times/week, and I’d say he takes the time to make me cum about 2-3 times/week. He cums every time. I was fine with this, until a few days ago.
We were laying together after sex, and he told me that he “didn’t enjoy having to make me cum.” He said that it was a chore for him, and he’d prefer not to do it. I was devastated – whenever I give him a blowjob, etc I always make sure to tell him how much I love pleasuring him. To hear that he didn’t like doing the same for me was really hard. Since then, I haven’t been able to bring myself to have sex with him. What should I do? Am I being selfish?
24 comments
im so sorry he’s like that, you’re absolutely not being selfish, he’s the selfish one, how could he even say that to his partner. is this what you want long term?
He sounds like a selfish ass. Sorry, but I’m calling that. A partner won’t feel like it’s a job. They want it. I’m sorry for your. But your Not the issue, he is.
Try talking to him again but what worked for me was writing my husband a letter about how I gelt and what I desired.
You are not being selfish. I enjoy getting my wife off. In fact, I have even offered to to just get off without PIV if she’s looking for a little relief.
I mean, I’m petty, so I would have sex with him and then halfway in, just stop, roll over and say, sorry babe; it’s a chore to help you cum so I think I’m done for tonight.
A conversation is better, but he sounds super selfish. And sometimes selfish people don’t learn till they are forced to feel the same circumstances they act like are no big deal.
You are not being selfish, he can fuck right off. He either gets with the program or I say you go find someone who can. Life is too short to be wasted fucking someone who doesn’t care about your pleasure.
Pro tip: Don’t get married before 30
If I’m a chore to my guy forget it —don’t get near me then ! It’s so mean to even say such an inconsiderate comment! Don’t put up with this!
“am I being selfish” lol 😆
It’s not you, it’s him. Because for men PIV “sex” feels great, they get lazy and don’t think about anything else. That’s when it stops being sex and starts being masturbation with a vagina.
Im sorry you are experiencing this. He is being an ass. Hes young. Idk. I certainly enjoy helping the woman cum. ( been a long time, lol) maybe get some toys to help things along. He could use it on you or he could do something else to you while you use a toy. You can use the toys to masturbate also. If you enjoy masturbating, try masturbating together. Some of these things might take the pressure off him to make you cum and it could be more spontaneous. Fyi, i dont think holding back sex to make a point is healthy for either of you.
Damn, so why isn’t he just fucking a Fleshlight then?
Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I would say he’s probably just lazy and it might not be as callous as it sounds. Either way, some changes need to happen. If I were you, I would tell him that what he said really hurt you and if you’re going to have a sex life together from now on, it needed to be focused on you for a while. (Maybe you could make something fun out of this, experiment with some toys or other stuff, idk just trying to be optimistic.) He needs to remember that he’s supposed to love you during sex and at all other times and that if he doesn’t want to make the effort to reciprocate the pleasure you give him, then it’s bad sex.
Yuk. I wouldn’t be able to ever feel enthusiasm for his pleasure after that. The whole marriage would be dead and over.
He’s selfish.
So there are a few solutions here, but first I’d like to recommend seeing this for the red flag it is. If pleasuring you is a “chore”, but pleasuring him is an expectation, then you might need to reassess your relationship, and if this attitude is present in any other areas of your life, run.
However, if this is not a deal-breaker for you, I have suggestions for ways to enjoy sex without him needing to do anything extra.
Couples vibrators are small U-shaped vibrators – one arm gets inserted vaginally, the other arm will sit pressed up against the clitoris. The internal arm should be narrow enough that your husband is still able to penetrate while the vibrator is inside. The extra vibrations and clitoral stimulation should help you reach orgasm during PIV sex.
Vibrating penis rings are another option, if your husband is willing to wear them. The ring sits at the base of the penis, and there is usually a small vibrating unit at the top of the ring, which should press against the clitoris during PIV. This option gives him a few benefits too – penis rings can increase blood flow in the penis, which can give him a longer, harder erection, with increased sensitivity. However, have a think about what positions you usually use, because if you do a lot of doggy (for example), this one might not be as effective for you.
Otherwise, maybe suggest a remote-controlled vibrator or clitoral stimulator – he literally just has to push the buttons, and you can enjoy.
But make it clear to him that sex without any orgasms for you is not an option. And if he finds it too much of a chore, your options are using toys or finding someone else who will.
He’s a fucking child. What a tool.
You should find someone worthy of your attention – this guy is a selfish moron.
I’m baffled how men manage to get the attention of women with this attitude, let alone get married.
I really dont think you will ever feel comfortable allowing him to try anymore because you will always think its a burden which will make it even harder to orgasm. I know it sounds probably crazy but really consider is that how you want to feel for the rest of your life? Is your pleasure something you can push to the backburner forever? If not consider if you want to stay in that relationship forever.
Girl. SPEAK UP NOW. You are not selfish and it will not get better on its own.
Long story short, I went through this with my ex husband. It started with him telling me it was boring, and progressed to being actively shamed for wanting physical intimacy at all. I didn’t have the self respect to lay down expectations for sexual interactions, and it went on for a couple years.
Years and many dollars of therapy later, and it’s still rare for me to orgasm with partners because his words are seared into my brain.
Don’t be like me!!
That’s a pretty devastating thing to hear from your partner. I mean.. WOW. This would completely nuke my attraction to someone entirely with the snap of a finger. I don’t know how you come back from such a selfish and un empathetic statement
blaming this on the fact that he’s 23. his brain isn’t fully developed yet. that being said, do not accept this, because as his brain finishes it’s development he will be stuck on stupid and that won’t be fun until death do you part.
Buy a fleshlight and and next time he wants sex hand it to him and tell him you don’t feel like making him cum anymore because it’s a chore for you, but he’s welcome to go fuck *himself*.
Also buy yourself a womaniser because omg. So good.
Also. What an Asshole. I’m sorry OP. That’s devastating.
How are you guys married.
It’s a gift that he said it out loud. I’m betting most other partners would keep that secret, fueling years of bitter resentment and suffering.
I would thank them for making separation such a clear and desirable solution.
You are allowed to have enjoyment from sex. You are not a 17th century housewife who must give in to a man’s needs. Seriously, this is divorce material here. Your his slave, his cum bucket. No way in hell this is ok. Stop having sex and if he wants sex he needs to go to therapy. If he refuses then get divorced. You do not need this shit.