I (26F) met my husband (41M) when we were in college and at first they (25F 26F) loved him, they even helped him propose. Sadly, all that love they had for him disappeared when I got pregnant because since it was a difficult pregnancy and I didn’t have the possibility of accessing my classes online, I had to temporarily drop out of college. And that was the first break in our relationship because they blamed my son (4M) for ruining my life and even when I told them that I wanted to keep him, they tried to convince me to get rid of him because they are the kind of people who think that a college degree gives you value as a person
Well, when he was born they loved him and apologized for the things they said in the past, and I forgave them. But last year when I told them I was pregnant with my daughter (5 months old) they told me again that I should have an abortion because a baby now after I graduated (I went back to college and graduated) would ruin my life, and the worst of all is that they said all that even when I told them that this baby was planned. So I distanced myself from them for a while until a few weeks ago they apologized again and said we should have a girls trip like old times, and honestly I thought it was a good idea so I went on that trip, and maybe I was stupid or naive or whatever you want to call it, but I really thought we could fix our friendship by spending more time together like we did in the past.
At first we had fun and everything was going well, until on the second night they started inviting men to our activities, and the truth is that I didn’t care because they are both single and maybe they were looking to hook up with someone, so I spent more time with our other friends because they are also in a relationship and were not looking to hook up. But one of the nights we went out to a club they started talking to me about a man who was there, and they told me that they knew him and that he told them that he found me attractive. I told them that I didn’t care because I’m married, and they started making fun of me and saying that I should have more fun and that my husband would never find out if I hooked up with that man. I ignored them and sat with our other friends until that man they were talking about came up and started talking to me, and I tried to be polite as much as I could until he until he mistook being polite for something else and tried to kiss me.
I went to the hotel immediately and called my husband to tell him everything, packed my bags and went back home. And they only called me the next day to tell me that it would be a one-night thing, that I don’t know anything besides my husband and that experimenting is not bad ,that he cannot satisfy me as someone young, and that is not the case. We have a really active sex life and I feel more than satisfied but that’s not something I feel comfortable sharing with them so I never told them.
Yesterday one of them came to my house to apologize and said that she admits that what they did was wrong, and that they only did it because they were jealous, she said that they are jealous of my husband and my children because since I got married and had children we were no longer as close as before, that she now understands that I am happy with this life and that that they are no longer going to interfere, that she wants to apologize to my husband too because he didn’t deserve that, that she will change and that this time it is serious because she doesn’t want to lose a friendship of so many years. But I don’t know, should I forgive her? Should I give her another chance? I’ve known her since we were kids and I don’t want to lose her friendship either, but I also don’t want her to continue treating me like she did since I got married, would it be a terrible idea to forgive her?
35 comments
Time to ditch the friends. They are horrible and then just apologize after. They don’t feel bad.
Oh, now she realizes you were serious about the whole marriage and family thing? Not when you cut her off the first time? Or had the first kid? Or made your vows?
If your husband wants an apology, you might as well make sure he gets that before you kick her to the curb. But if this is for real, I’m not sure how you can cut these people this much slack on their cartoonish levels of villainy or disregard for what actually makes you happy and still call them “friends.”
Eh, personally I believe I would need some space from this “friend”. You gave her more than one opportunity to participate in your life and she was completely toxic. How does your husband feel about it? It just doesn’t sound like she brings much positivity to your life.
Have you talked to your husband on the matter?
To see your wife maintaining friends with those who tried to influence her to cheat on you…
That is a hard pill to swallow.
So, I feel like you should talking this out with your husband in combination.
But in regards to a personal decision, these are some slimy people which warrants some space…
Your friends are incredibly toxic. I also see a pattern here of them being terrible, apologizing, and then repeating their behavior. Who is to say that forgiving them (yet again) will just enable them to be terrible people next time? It’s one thing to say sorry, but is there ever any meaningful change?
I really feel like this latest apology is just to prep you for their next attack on your happiness.
I mean how many times have they apologized now? Good predictor of future actions is ( repeated) past behavior. You’re not safe around these “friends.”
If I was your husband, I would be incredibly upset if you stayed friends with people who first tried to get you to abort our kids and then cheat on me. These friends don’t care about you. Don’t put your marriage at risk for any of them.
I wouldn’t trust these snakes ever again..
If you love your husband, cut these women out of your life.
Your “friends” are truly awful people. They showed you tremendous disrespect many times over, they showed your husband disrespect and the fact that they think it is okay to make fun of you because you are married and have had children is truly childish.
There are times that friendships go by the wayside naturally because you are in such different stages of life – this is one of those times.
You sound like a great person who gives people the benefit of the doubt and a lot of grace. Perhaps too much grace. This is when you end the friendship though. Not quietly step back. Not grey rock. But actually have the conversation where you end the friendship and you are explicitly clear why.
“Name and name, I think our friendship has run its course. We are in VERY VERY different places in life right now and you clearly do not respect me, my choices or my family. I don’t want people in my life who call my children mistakes, who “hate” my husband or who deride me for making different choices. Best of luck to you both.”
Honestly? Its time to find new friends – better friends. And you will. Go do things with the kids. You will meet a whole community of women who are in the same stage of life you are in.
So your husband gets a say in this. They told you to cheat multiple times and told you to abort each of your children. These 2 should really not be in your life. All this because they want their wing girl to party with.
Let’s replay events…
These girls, who tried to get you to have an abortion, twice, because they hated the fact that you left college, took you out to party.
They “prepped” some strange guy to pounce on you. Whatever they told him, the guy actually tried to kiss you. Near sexually assault honestly, assuming you weren’t “inviting him in” (and Im sure you werent)
So you, rightfully, storm out. At that point, do they have *any* epiphany? Nope. They call you to *pressure you to sleep with that same guy* saying “your husband can’t please you”
Then, what, 4 days later or something? They’re “oh, so sorry, we were just jealous!”
You think they had some kind of miraculous revelation and found God in the few days? They *get off* on manipulating you. These are bad people.
They are not your friends
You were at least what 20/21 when you hooked up with this guy who was 35/36 at least?
You friends first and worst mistake was supporting a relationship where the balance of power is so off.
Everything else is just the cherry on top of bad relationships.
With friends like that who the fuck needs enemies?! You already know what you need to do: get those two as far away from your family as is humanly possibly
Info: You said you and your husband met in college, so was he your professor? Or did you mean you and your friends were in college when you met future husband somewhere else?
People who interfere with your life in such drastic ways are not friends
>she said that they are jealous of my husband and my children
>I’ve known her since we were kids and I don’t want to lose her friendship either,
So you want to stay friends with someone who had a plan for you to destroy your life? I assure you that if you had cheated, they would have told your husband.
>I (26F) met my husband (41M) when we were in college and at first they (25F 26F) loved him
Tells me what I need to know about everyone
You’re hitting all the clickbait tropes with this bullshit. Age gap between older man and younger woman, infidelity, scheming “friends”, abortion and unplanned pregnancy. Good job OP, should be a good harvest with this farm.
Are you a troll? This has the vibe it was written as an MRA fantasy.
Young hot girl who wants to marry an old fart and have aaaalll his babies while other evil modern girls who are probably very superficial are riding the C carrousel and only care about college degrees and are not like OP.
Get rid. You really don’t need friends like this. I hate mean girls. Alway know best and don’t care about other’s feelings or the distraction they cause. You have a husband you love and two children. You don’t need the drama. They won’t be happy till they destroy your marriage. They have tried to get you to abort your children. And now they realise you’re happy with your life and don’t want to loose you (or at least one of them). You know they told that man you were a sure thing, a guaranteed put out. There was absolutely no respect for the life you have built. Personally I’d never speak to them again.
Your friends are assholes. If you care about your marriage and family, make it a clear, clean cut with them. Try to find friends who have morals and are supportive. Do it today.
Just think how you would feel if your husband was in that situation, would you want him to have those people in his life?
You’re at an in-pass in your life where you need to decide what is more important to you – your immature friends who continuously mock the life that you hold dear, or you family who are being subjected to this. I for one wouldn’t tolerate someone disrespecting my loved ones.
I mean, come on, they hated your baby because you had a bad pregnancy? Do they actually realise how stupid that sounds?
What did your husband say about it?
I would cut them out of my life, like yesterday. What they did is truly horrendous and they’re clearly an enemy of your marriage. With “friends” like that who needs enemies?
Their bad opinion of your husband, kids and marriage hasn’t changed. They’ve just taken it underground for the time being to lull you into a false sense of security while they regroup.
I honestly don’t know how you could possibly ever trust them to not try and set you up again.
Seems they’re on a mission and playing the long game. Seeing as they couldn’t coerce you into cheating on your husband this time, maybe next time they’ll spike your food or drink and take away your ability to consent and keep yourself safe from their machinations.
If you continue to put yourself in harms way with them, these “friends” of yours are gonna be plotting behind your back to set you up so they can hit record on their phones and get evidence of you cheating and immediately send it to your husband. Is keeping a friendship with these two horrible people really worth taking that risk? I don’t think so!
You have no boundaries, and this is gonna hurt you and your spouse in the long run. Please seek help from a counselor to work through this.
Op their apologies mean nothing. I would go NC with them and focus on your family. It’s obvious that if you forgive them, they’ll do it again and to me that isn’t worth it. I’ve had “friends” like yours and it never works out. Just because you’ve known them for a long time, doesn’t mean you have to stay friends with them. It isn’t the quantity of years that matters, it’s the quality of time spent together.
Unfortunately that is a difficult lesson, but over time you’ll realize just how toxic they were once you’re not hanging out with them anymore. So please don’t forgive them and also cut contact with them.
Those ain’t friends boo
Edit a letter
You dont know if you should forgive them? So they tried to get you to get rid of your child and then tried to ruin your relationship with your husband and children. Cause yeah I would not put it passed them to tell your kids why mommy and daddy separated to get the kids to live with daddy when they were old enough to understand just because you had a life outside of them? If this was a man doing this, people would be calling for him to get strung up by his balls. They are abusive, narcissistic, homewrecking, assholes. You think you may want to forgive them so they can destroy your family later? These people don’t listen to you and have proved 3 times that your family is expendable to them. What are you going to wait until they drug you to destroy your relationship? Or till they try to break you up by sending women to your husband? Or call child protective services with a fake anonymous tip of child abuse? Would they have to kill one of your kids for you to understand how horrible these women are? If you keep them in your life, you deserve what happens. If your husband doesn’t ask you to go no contact with, then he deserves it too. Fool me once shame on me, fool me twice shame on you they have fooled you at least 3 times pretending to be your friends while lying and actively trying to destroy your life. Will they have to succeed for you to get it? If you wind up losing your spouse and children even if it’s something your friends do at this point, it will be your fault only for letting them close enough to do it.
Cut them off, OP. They seem like people who would like to control your life. Not let you live it.
A woman’s worse enemies are her own friends. I think you need to drop those people
With friends like these who needs enemies?! You are #blessed !!
You can forgive her. But forgives her doesn’t mean you should have any kind of relationship with her. How many times have they apologized with a promise to be better. When will they do some smarmy Shit like this again? And why would it matter if she was sincere this time.
She disrespected you. She disrespected your kids. She disrespected your marriage. She disrespected your family. And she’s done it over and over and over again. She doesn’t get any more chances. No one who sets you up this way is someone you should trust or allow in your life.