19M I just started my first semester in college about 2 weeks ago. I don’t have friends and I want things to change. I joined as many clubs as I could and I still just don’t know how to interact with people.
I just fucking suck at socializing and when I fail I just give myself more shit to get physical cringe attacks when I think about them. Its a lose lose situation because I seem to never get any better at it.
I went to my club meetings and I just kind of sat there doing my own thing while everybody else had fun. I seriously just don’t know how to talk and interact with people. I just pray that they include me somehow because I can’t do it myself. People seemingly just get weirded out by me and I just don’t get it like I know I look terrible and awkward but I try my best to be normal and there are weirder people out there that have friends.
I honesty question sometimes if I’m on some sort of spectrum because then that could at least explain why I’m just so awkward and unable to socialize. I really never have been but I at least I had one or two friends in early school as a kid. Now I have none and will never have any if I don’t figure this out.
Does anybody have any advice or anything because I have no one to talk to.
6 comments
bro just join the snapchat school stories… and post maybe interesting stuff there and ppl will add u… or add ppl if u find something interested that they posted… worked well with me… dont be shy tho…. i was too… text them and ask them to meet up at the cafeteria or something
Any chance you live on campus? I know that’s becoming less of a thing these days given how much it costs to attend college, but living in the dorms my first 3 years of undergrad did absolute wonders for my social life and formed bonds that have lasted over 30 years. If you aren’t living on campus, don’t give up yet. You said you’re only 2 weeks into your first semester, which is far too soon to assume things will never improve. It’s only going to take one success to help make things better for me. In your courses, pay attention as everyone gets up to leave. You’ll likely hear people talking about getting together to study and go over the homework, and that’s your chance. It’s going to be scary as fuck for you to do, but summon every ounce of courage you have and approach the group with a smile and mention you overheard them talking about a study group. Indicate you’re interested in joining and I think you’ll find they welcome you.
We’re the same age and i was the same way. I had friends early on but got really anti social. I had really bad anxiety at one point but forced my self to be less anti social. I had to work on that before anything and one thing i suggest is trying to give people compliments. If you see a shirt you like or even something you don’t care much about, try complimenting someone on it. Or if thats hard, try raising your hand more in class, just get out of your comfort zone. You never know, you might strike up a conversation or even make a friend. Then when you become more comfortable, go back to those clubs (if you haven’t already) and talk about your interests with them. And if all fails, we could talk:)
Aw, sorry you feel this way! Im 30F so my perspective will probably be a bit different but when I went away to college I remember feeling SO lonely. You’re ripped away from everything you’ve known and dropped in some sort of alternate reality, it feels.
Remember: every other freshman is in the same boat as you. They probably feel like you do too! They’re faking it til they make it. Once I wrapped my head around that, I felt like I was on an even playing field and got the courage to go up to people. Honestly, what’s the worst that could happen? Someone brushes you off. That’s not so bad! And the best that could happen is that you make a friend.
See if people from your floor are going to eat and say “hey, mind if i join you guys for lunch/dinner/etc”. Sit next to someone in class (get there a bit early) and make small talk. Even if you already know the answer, ask something like “hey do you know when ___ is due? Have you started that assignment?” Make comments about the class. If it goes well, make a point to sit next to that person next time. Then you’ll slowly build a relationship there. Next time you’re at a club, just nut up and sit at a table with people. I know it’s so so weird but once you get past that part, there are going to be natural opportunities to talk to people. Make eye contact and smile, people who are outgoing will use that as an opportunity to say “hi” at least. Then, it’s like ping pong. Hit the ball back and ask them how their day is, or if they have a busy week, or something about the club. Then they’ll hit it back to you.
Good luck, you can do it! I feel for ya.
Rising sophomore 19M here too. I got really school obsessed and really didn’t make any good friends my first year of college. We’ll see if it works, but I spent a part of the summer studying social skills by reading conversationally speaking and How to Win Friends and Influence People as well as applying those principles with strangers I met while volunteering.
Hmmm there is a chance that you may be on the spectrum. I have autism and I struggle with the same.