I’m a 31M. I met a guy this past spring on a dating app and we immediately hit it off. Before I knew it we were communicating via text, phone calls, and Snapchat all day, every day and we spent every moment of our free time together. Over the summer we were able to go on several trips together throughout the United States. He lived at my house on the weekends and he became a regular, meaningful part of my life. It was the happiest I’ve ever been in a relationship and it felt like it came so naturally.
He is from Europe and he was in the U.S. on a working internship. At the end of the internship he had a chance to stay here & work while he continued his education, or to return home and finish up some schooling. He ultimately decided that he wanted to return home because it would be cheaper to finish his education.
I knew that when he left things would be different, but we had made plans to continue communicating and even have me come visit him while he was in school. Ultimately he’d like to return to the U.S. when he’s done with school and work/live here full-time. Based off our communication I thought we’d make things work the best we could until that time and then pickup where we had left off.
His final week in the U.S. we planned a big goodbye trip together. It was a great time and things were completely normal. We said our goodbyes at the airport, it was brief, but an emotional occasion in which he said “it’s not goodbye, I’ll see you again.”
I left him in the airport in love. It was difficult, but I felt like things would be ok. That’s where things derailed.
He flew to his home country and immediately cut me off. I discovered that he jumped right back onto dating apps and I’ve had almost no communication with him in the month that he’s been home. I was able to talk to him one time on the phone and he was very cold & distant.
I’m heartbroken and devastated. He was the sweetest, most thoughtful guy I’ve ever dated. I meant as much to him as he did to me while he was here and I never encountered red flags or disagreements with him. It was just really good – so I’m so lost & confused with what happened.
I’m left with thoughts of self-doubt, like I wasn’t good enough or I did something wrong. I guess it’s also possible he’s avoidant and this is his way of coping, but I really don’t know. It’s making me feel a sadness I haven’t felt in a long time.
What would you do? Do I try to communicate with him and find out what happened? Or do I just throw away the happiest relationship I’ve had and move on?
All I know is I’m heartbroken & depressed and I can’t sleep or eat. The loss coupled with not knowing why this happened is consuming me and I need peace about the situation. Any advice or commentary on the situation will help.
Tl;dr My boyfriend of 6 months ghosted me and I didn’t see it coming. I need advice on what to do next.
3 comments
used you as a temporary companion
I went through this when I was younger except I was the guy. I dated a girl whose visa was expiring and she would be returning back to her home country. We dated for just over 3 months. It was an amazing time.
The reality was that I wasn’t ready for what she what wanted. Plain and simple the level of commitment required to date someone in a different country was too much for me, but I had a hard time coming to terms with it.
That airport drop off is still to this day the most difficult drop off I’ve ever had in my life. I’ve never experienced so much love and so much sadness all at once.
Either he got home and realised it was never going to work long-distance, or it was an act the whole time and he never intended to carry the relationship on. Neither are good options, but I don’t think you did anything wrong or weren’t good enough. I think it’s just very hard having a relationship with someone in another country. In any case, he isn’t who you thought he was, and the relationship isn’t what you thought it was. You need some time to grieve and process this unexpected loss. I personally wouldn’t bother trying to contact him because I think he’s made it clear it’s over.