Okay, so, I’ve posted on here about the break up and a few times in the daily sticky thread how hard it actually was on me that we broke up.
The main issue in the end of our relationship was him being so busy with work and not able to see me as planned, me getting angry about this and constantly texting him when he’ll be seeing me, which in turn stressed him out, which then angered me and it was like that on and off a few months. He then had enough and he explains that’s why we broke up.
After almost a month apart, we talked on the phone today. I asked him if we could, he said he could.
I asked if we could get back together and he said we could try and he’ll be all in 100%. He said if I can be more flexible about his schedule, he’s sure we can really work things out.
In the past he made some mistakes as you are all aware, and in the end I made some mistakes with my behavior. I think a new chance and fresh start might be good. I tried going on three dates but I couldn’t do it. I tried the apps, wasn’t able to move on.
Now how do I feel about us trying to get back together? I’m happy but I’m also like… surprised. He said he genuinely misses us and how we used to be and on the phone we were ourselves and laughing and pulling jabs at each other. It felt so nice. He said we will video chat this week since work is busy and try to meet soon and reconnect at a good pace.
Has anyone gotten back with an ex after a big rupture? How do you reconnect properly?
I understand where I went wrong and he understands where he went wrong and we are both willing to try again.
39 comments
Nooo
He lied, cheated and said he wanted to date other people. It is clearly a terrible idea and I vote no. Do you want to go through all this pain again?
Lady, there is a whole world of nice normal guys out there who won’t treat you like dog shit and gaslight you. This dude obviously has some hold on you, and we’ve all been there, but this ain’t it. Literally begging you to dump the mother fucker already and move on with your life.
Lord Jesus your post history is a mess. The last thing you need is to be dating anyone.
im about to get downvoted, but here’s my opinion… i don’t think it’s a good idea but i think you should do it anyway if you feel strongly about it. Sometimes you have to let yourself work it out to the end. Take a look at the first relationship and see what you can take responsibility for. And this time, look for him repeating the same patterns and as soon as you see them again, you bounce. Then you can say that you did what you could and it ran its course.
OP, you previously said this man traumatized you to the point that you had to leave your job. Cut contact with him permanently.
As soon as I started reading, I was thinking “please don’t let this be the woman I think it is” and sure enough, it’s you.
Please, I’m begging you…I know breakups are hard but love yourself enough to not get back together with this utter and complete jackass 🙏🏼 he is never, ever going to change. He has not, does not, and will not ever respect you.
You can do hard things – you CAN overcome this and find someone better. Do not make this harder on yourself by giving him another chance.
I wish you the best. It’s a rocky road and you have to be all in
No. Although for some advice.
It be good to talk about the triggers that you’ve both had in the relationship later together and learn ways to sooth one another.
You know in your heart what the right answer is. You know how people will respond to this post. I dont know why you would post this except for the sake of controversy and/or attention. I dont mean this to demean you, I’m simply baffled and implore you to more deeper explore your motivations for certain behaviors, and evaluate how healthy and productive they are.
I would think long and hard before you do. I (29) broke up with my ex back in January because he was untrustworthy and anytime I questioned him, he lied, yelled, and tried to make me feel crazy. We were apart for 2 months and then we decided to get back together in late March. Long story short, he is moving back out tomorrow. He didn’t change at all. He still lies, still yells, still tries to make me feel crazy and like it’s all my fault. Just something to think about.
I think you got all the answers you need. Obviously a terrible idea. Don’t know if you are just panicking because you are 33 or if you have a history of these relationships but I would recommend you not settle for a cheater. You are very attractive. I am sure it would not take too long to find another partner.
Damn. I can’t help but wonder if something deep within you (outside of this relationship) is hurting for you to knowingly make unhealthy choices over and over and over.
And for that, my heart goes out to you because I’ve definitely been there in my past. I hope that you eventually get to a point of loving yourself so completely and fiercely that you put yourself first.
I just stumbled across this sub. I hope this all fiction and that your account is a troll account. If it isn’t and what I have read in the comments here is true then you need to seek out therapy, You probably need to mentally tear your life apart. By that I mean with a professional walk through the different stages of your life, work through trauma, have many epiphanies and heal. Do you want to be 50 and still be dating men like this?
Oh you again. By now I’m convinced you don’t actually want advice, you just want some warped attention telling you that you deserve better etc.
To be frank, I’m beginning to doubt your allegations about him altogether. He has been lying to you repeatedly – you have the self awareness to acknowledge that such lies ought to not be acceptable, yet you accept this behaviour. Then you post about it – it’s a pattern now.
At some point it stops becoming about him and does about you accepting/enabling deceit.
A month isn’t enough time for an avoidant person to suddenly become a stable person.
Even if your feelings are genuine, even if you adore them, feel at peace with them, are able to be your best self and support them, that doesn’t mean you will be able to heal their damage. They have to do that themselves. I think you probably know that as well.
Even if it’s subconscious you still have doubts, if you didn’t you wouldn’t have made this post.
You’re going to do it anyway, it will hurt. Just try to remember it next time.
I hope you realize that having to defend him and your relationship to all of reddit is probably not a great sign
Both parties have to acknowledge that something hurtful has happened but that both sides have agreed to work on the issues. It will take time to heal but it’s possible.
I just read a few comments, I haven’t seen any of the other posts, it does sound like your overly defending him and wanting to give it another go because your scared of either being on your own, or making a big mistake. If he lied and cheated on you just a month ago, I would suggest that he may have alot to learn about relationships and responsibilities. I don’t think he would of learned these things in this 1 month sweety I’m sorry to say. If someone who has been caught out cheating on you wants to get back together with you, they are more than likely going to fein sincerity about your feelings to pull you back in, I would be weary of that. Also I do believe your willing to trust this person too early after what has happened. I think this person has damaged your self esteem. I would suggest taking more time apart so that you can process this better and also try things that may raise your self esteem as I think yours may be low at the moment. If I’m right, this will definately be affecting your decision making abilities not just with this relationship, but with all of your daily decisions. I just want to add 1 more thing, I’m guessing your asking for advice alot on Reddit on certain things, this would be a clear sign of low self confidence. You should chase that instead in my opinion. It will be much more rewarding for you!
I assume the mods only approve these posts now so everyone here can laugh. You have to be trolling at this point. You’ve literally had hundreds of people tell you not to do what you’re doing and you’re still doing it. God bless your soul.
Idiot
It sounds like you need to take a break from dating overall based on previous posts.
If someone brings confusion and treats your poorly to the point that you need to constantly post about it on Reddit, shouldn’t that be a sign?
You’re a complete stranger to me, but I sympathize with the apparent urge you seem to be feeling that you need a man to choose you so you can tick that box, and going on dates with other people isn’t going to make you feel better when you’re already having all of your energy focused on that guy.
Let him go, focus on your life, maybe do take a break from dating (a few weeks at least).
This all sounds very naive, you just had a comment 19 days ago saying this man left you emotionally traumatized and you had to quit your job because of it… Why would you even consider re-opening that door?
I should’ve known :O
girl do you have any friends who you could talk to because someone needs to take your phone away and not let you interact with this man anymore and we on reddit simply cannot do that
Girl, stop.
Jesus no.. there’s so many better guys out there. Why would you do this to yourself?
Yes – I don’t love being single but I would rather be single than be with the wrong person or horrible relationship.
No – all my exes are exes for valid reasons and this is a horrible idea.
Go no contact, and go to therapy.
You’re not ready to date again and are vulnerable.
Be single for 6 months to a year.
You should want better for yourself 🙏 and shouldn’t be in a relationship or need validation from others.
No matter the good moments, the disrespect and cheating is a dealbreaker and no one deserves a chance after that. If he really cared and respected you, he wouldn’t have done those things the first time.
I’ve gotten back with my ex twice and my god I regretted it so bad
Ah, you’re the ol Spit-in-the-Wind Kid… You’re going to do what you feel despite wise counsel, that you sought out by the way, advising you otherwise. The wind is most likely blowing that loogie right back to your face. It doesn’t have to be like that. Please take the advice from most everyone on this thread and move on, then take time to grow personally.
I had a sense that the whole toxic trash relationship was cultural and lo and behold, I see I was right. None of us can help you rationalize what you’re doing because it’s ingrained in your brain now. But if you ever want to have a healthy relationship with a man who values you abd respects you, you have to get off the rollercoaster. Stop finding excuses for the trashy men you date. Start demanding more for yourself, girl.
One month apart is nothing. People are telling you something and, judging by your comments, you’re not listening and you’ve already made up your mind.
I wish you luck, of course, but you should know what you’re getting into.
BPD is a hell of a ride.
No way this is real. He cheated on you. He consciously chose to betray you in the worst possible way. Do you really want to be with someone like that? You do realize there are men out there who won’t treat you like shit? I feel sorry for you.
Well since you’re looking for yes people, here goes.
1. To reconnect, don’t rock the boat. Whatever he wants, do it.
2. Don’t ask any questions about other women. Your time together is precious.
3. Try to look younger so his mom will accept you.
4. Whatever he enjoys do it: food, in bed, clothes, giving him space. Don’t call him or ask to be seen. Wait for him to give you the time he allotted for you.
You should be well bonded after this. No other woman will take your place in his heart.
Yes. My gf now. We met on a dating app, we were on and off for a few weeks. I know, a few weeks. At the time, we both wanted different motives for dating. We broke up for two months, she saw me again on a dating app. We had a solid conversation about everything. We both apologize and it’ll be a year at the end of this year.
Space is always needed to see how much one another feels. Nothing wrong getting back with an ex as long as communication is clear.
I’m happy for you.
Honestly, you shouldn’t even be dating. You should be working on healing yourself and gaining self-respect.
Girl. He said he wasn’t attracted to you because of your weight, told you his mom was worried about y’all’s sex life, lied about being a lawyer, cheated on you – and these are just the posts that I remember, I’m sure there were much more). But still, YOU asked him to get back together!! He didn’t even ask!! You talk about how much he changed but he did nothing, he broke up with you, treated you like crap and didn’t care enough about you to even ask to get back together.
I know we are all collectively screaming into the void and nothing we say will be listened to but stop asking for advice that you clearly don’t care about.
You sound delusional. Let it go.
As soon as I saw this post I was like “it can’t be” and it was you. You know what everyone is going to say here. No one is giving advice for reconnecting because you have told us over and over and over again this guy is a cheater, lied about his job, calls you names, hasnt gotten laid in 8 yrs bc he sucks according to you, and you continue this pattern of forgiving him when you and everyone knows it’s not a good idea. A month doesn’t change things. How has he proved he’s changed? He hasn’t. Words mean nothing. Yes I get there’s a connection and you want to claim yours is special and we don’t know what the relationship is like– so does everyone else in a bad relationship. Sure things are fine now because you talked on the phone and it felt like how you were in the beginning. But for you to acknowledge all the wrong he’s done and STILL go to him is baffling.
There are men out there who won’t cheat on you or lie about their job/career. We obviously can’t stop you from getting back to him, but I really implore you to look for someone who won’t give you heartache. I’m just waiting for another break up post at this point.