It’s been a week since I’ve been going nc. I’ve been dating this guy for about 10 months and it has just been unbelievable good. We had a insane chemistry (which I know sometimes doesn’t means a good thing) and I genuinely love him very much, not just romantically but I just really care for his person, I think he is amazing, even with his flaws. I had never felt something like this. During or relationship, he manage to make me feel very fine, very wanted, I don’t have many things to complain about, except one: he not ONCE told me how he felt about me or anything like that. Ours talks always ended up about something happening in a close future. I know that it doesn’t add up with the fact that we had a good relationship, I can’t explain, but I swear we had, on his on way he always made me feel good, but always kept his distance.
But last week I had an anxiety attack (triggered by work) and after that told him how I wanted or relationship to envolve, how I want us to be emotionally closer and how much it would mean to me if he opened up more about his feelings and everything went absolutely SHIT. He treated me very badly, very rude, for the first time. He frozen so much I couldn’t understand. I made it clear that I was okay with him not feeling the same way, this type of thing happens, I just wanted to talk and clear it out and it was 3 afwull days. I couldn’t accept the behavior since I haven’t done anything wrong, I was just expressing my feelings for him.
The thing is I am just feeling bad about all of this. I really liked him, I miss that person very much, he is someone I would love to have in my life, he just… I just really like him, I don’t wanna hold a grudge. I really consider him to be a very special being.
Do you guys, by chance, have any experiences with an (probably) emotionally unavailable person too that you could share? It would mean the world to me, I am confused about all of this.
Sorry for talking so much, I just dealing with a lot of emotions for the first time and have no one to talk to about this.
2 comments
I want to preface this with personal experience I (25F) was in a long distance relationship with my ex (34M) for two years. I had began dating him at 22 and he had lied about himself being younger at the time of meeting. He was a horrendous liar and was good at making me feel bad for being upset with his inconsistencies. He was also hiding a marriage the entire time.
I’ve found that men who are 30+ and have not matured enough to be emotionally available often won’t reach that level of becoming emotionally available.
I think with the lack of willingness to truly be open with someone you’re dating says a lot about a person. It can be that they’re afraid of hurt, sure. But more often than not it’s because they don’t want to be open to who they’re dating.
I think you deserve better than this person. Please line yourself up with looking at your situation from the outside. Ask your friends for advice and listen to them, even if it isn’t what you want to hear.
Save yourself time and heartache, if someone wants you they will make it very clear.
You’re going to be okay.
Your story sounds familiar. I’ve been dating someone emotionally unavailable/distant for a few – intense – months.
I really like this person very, very much, they’re definitely one of the most admirable people have ever met.
In the beginning when we started dating, they told me they are possibly looking for a serious relationship.
Now that the things have gotten more serious and we have gotten more attached to each other, this person has started to withdraw and avoid discussions of our future or feelings overall. It’s not even possible to discuss the nature of our relationship at this point. They just want to hang out like a couple but not actually be a couple…
Since it’s only been a few months, I’m still pacient for a while. I understand they are slow and need space. If this situation were to continue for 10 months, I’d for sure leave – I mean if the conversations wouldn’t lead nowhere.
Better to leave than lose yourself for someone, who, after all, is not worth it. They never are if they don’t treat you with the respect you deserve.