I moved in with my friends and I just found out they think I’m being demeaning when I correct them. I always keep my voice steady, say what the problem is, and explain why it’s wrong. Otherwise, I ask a question like “are you washing the dishes with cold water?” in a quizzical voice, because I’m confused or asking for clarification on something they’re doing. But one of them told me that the other 2 think I’m being demeaning, when I’m being as nice and clear as I physically can about it. Can anyone explain how that’s demeaning?
1 comment
It is definitely demeaning – you are crossing the line of giving them the dignity to do things their own way and not respecting their way of doing it. When you constantly question people, it makes it seem like you are second guessing everything they’re doing and I think most people would also probably feel at the very least irritated by that. It’s unnecessary to correct people and “explain why it’s wrong” regardless of what tone you use. It seems like you are probably living with other adults (over 18) and it’s actually quite infantilizing to speak to them in a way where it seems to be pretty critical. Constructive criticism is still criticism, and they are not asking you for your opinion. They may totally stop listening to you and asking you for your opinion in the future if this continues. Washing dishes with cold water is especially a relatively silly thing to question since it’s just a personal preference. I would say you’re probably spending too much time focusing on what they are doing and how they are doing it instead of focusing on yourself and what is really your business. You risk pushing them away with the constant uninvited feedback. It’s a really good life lesson to accept that there is actually more than just one way (your way) of doing something.